Can’t work out how much DH golf is reasonable - help!

My DH plays golf about 3 times a week. I have a hobby that can be pretty time consuming (one or 2 evenings a week and sometimes an away day)

He does some trips but always tells me about them/puts them straight in the calendar so I know.

It's horses for courses really. DH didn't play when the girls were small and we're both the better for having time to ourselves.

There just needs to be consideration. If you're not both happy with the arrangement then it isn't working.

Golf takes up too much time when you have a family. If he has to play it should be fitted in around work and family stuff. Tee off early and back home straight away. No twatting about going for several beers in the clubhouse after. I don't know what it is about Golf but men get stupidly addicted to it and it takes over everything.

I love your hobby!! I feel you should start a thread about it and tag me…. Please??

I reckon it's because most mums don't have time outside of work, chores, childcare, kids' activities, shopping, food prep.... to have hobbies of their own, unfortunately.

I’d sit down now, and book myself to leave 4 days early on the family holiday. Tell him I’ll meet him there, he can pack and bring the kids.

It’s not just a hobby, it’s an addiction, my husband is the same. We have one friend who has never allowed her second husband play golf, her first husband did and it seriously pissed her off and ended their marriage, they had 3 children together.

So far he’s been to America to watch a PGA game and a week in Northumbria on a golfing jolly, probably cost 6k in total. We have no kids at home and can afford it, but they’re like little boys. I do watch golf on TV and enjoy the womens, we’re going to watch a game next year and make a long weekend of it.

If I had children still at home like yourself I would not be happy at all, he is being selfish and needs to realise he has family responsibilities. What is it with men, they’re like children 🤔

It’s not just ‘packing’ though, is it? It’s emptying the fridge, locking all the windows, putting the lamps on a timer, arranging cash up front for the cleaner, asking a neighbour or a neighbour’s kid to put the bins in and out and water the pots and pre-paying them if necessary, cancelling Ocado, booking a cattery and getting g the cat there, cancelling the kids’ clubs and re-jigging lift shares, making sure everything is laundered for packing, leaving the kettle and coffee-maker empty so they aren’t full of manky water when you get back, emptying the inside bins, ordering g currency, making sure elderly parents have a shop in and someone to ring if there’s an issue while you’re gone ..

im sure I’ve missed things

I bet the others he goes on the trips with are older or at a different stage in life, ie don't have young kids.

FiL played a lot of golf but when his dc had left home. Plus he wasn't at an expensive club, plus he could afford it.

husband golfs 3 times a week, weekends away in amongst being a sport coach 3 times a week…
i don’t think they realise how much time is away from the home so a reality check is required.
booking things without checking isn’t on and your husband knows this!

A hobby that full on can only be afforded if you either earn loads , or don't have kids- you need to put your foot down if joint finances are paying for it you should get match funding for your interests.

I’m going to take a guess here, so bare with me:
You want a partner to share life with, to enjoy hobbies alongside, to pack holiday cases with whilst planning your family trip, to make decisions together whilst discussing and debating life.
What you actually have is a husband who would rather be elsewhere every chance he gets, a man who values golf so much more than your partnership that he’s comfortable lying to you about it.
Your anger is actually sadness, which is quickly turning into resentment.

Sounds like a couple of issues, not having the courtesy to discuss with you, the financial side of it and the fact it’s the run up to the holiday. Can understand you being fed up with the lack of consideration. You have issued an ultimatum by the sounds of it but would he actually get any money back by cancelling at this stage? Surely it doesn’t take all weekend to pack for a holiday?

Definitely book yourself a weekend away and tell him after …. just like he did. See how he likes it.

Look, golf is a time consuming hobby.
But it doesn't see excessive really.
I'd be pissed off at a weekend booked without checking first but does it really matter if the week before you go away? How much packing do you need to do?
Your children aren't babies/toddlers that need watching every minute, and they do need to develop some independence.
Perhaps you need a hobby that gets you out more? Theatre? Cinema? Cookery classes?
Weekend away with friends/family (no children!). Just book one and tell him after the face if you want a bit of revenge.
My husband has always climbed (our son does too) - which I assure you takes up much more time than golf!
He does play a bit of golf too btw but so does my son.

it's funny because the women I know who are on equal path with their husband share the load equally. They have to, when you both have a time consuming hobby, you need to be organised.

It's a bloody shame so many women are so focused on house chores and have no interest in having an actual life, when they could if only they wanted to.
Again, a weekend to "pack"? what is that all about.

But if you felt you wanted to? Could you spare the time and the cash to behave like he does?

The fact that he can't afford to pay for the trips that he's booking and is presumably looking to you to fund them is a joke.

I don't think the amount is an issue but his assumption it is fine to go away is very inconsiderate. I would book myself into a spa the weekend before his pre holiday golf trip. Leave him with the kids and the empty suitcases, tell him you presume he is packing for himself and the kids before he goes on the golf weekend.

I completely agree…but I think the answer is societal expectations are just different for women. Women are expected to be self sacrificing for their children/family.

In this scenario her DH won’t see having to pack for a holiday as a big deal. He’d likely happily fling whatever in a suitcase the night before for himself and the kids if it was left to him, & honestly…who’s to say that’s actually wrong?

My “hobby” is reading and I make a point of going on trips in the UK and abroad twice a year to visit beautiful libraries or interesting book stores or to attend literary festivals. So you really don’t need to have an intense or exotic hobby to give you some “me time”.

Maybe because raising children, cooking, cleaning, working full time, trying to maintain a couple of friendships - is all we have the bandwidth for. Show me a man with a time consuming hobby and I will show you a man who does not do 50% of the childcare/household chores.

not being funny, but who needs an entire weekend to "pack" for a holiday?
Do people genuinely put their life on hold, and make such a faff of "packing"?

Are we talking your bog standard 2 or 3 weeks holiday, or a 6 months sabbatical in another country? An entire weekend is frankly ridiculous, even if you go camping and hiking and need all your gear and kit.

Of course both adults should pack equally, but not being allowed to do anything the weekend before the holiday is a bit much?

So he gets to opt out of parenting every Saturday as well. Make sure you don’t give him any more money to do golf with.
he’s not really working when playing corporate golf!!!

tell him that he needs to pack his own bag for holiday as you aren’t doing it. Forgets his swimmers then tough. Can you bring your packing weekend forward at all? Can he take the kids out after work to the park so you can pack without interruptions

golf widows have it tough.

I can never understand how anyone ends up in these relationships - maybe it wasn’t always like this but it’s the fact he shows so little respect to you, what you do for the family, very clearly doesn’t pull his equal share. There is only one way out of this: he has to cancel the trip and help with the packing for the holiday. It’s disgusting when you have 3 kids at those ages, it makes anything else impossible. He has to realise he consented to family life and to have kids, therefore needs to hold out until his kids are older. Regardless he needs to communicate with you before not after, and certainly not by accident!

what I find depressing is how little interests and hobbies so many women seem to have, and even worst, how much they resent their partners who do.

I can't imagine how claustrophobic it must be to stay home and do nothing out of work and home chores with the kids. It's beyond unreasonable to resent your partner who has some interests out of the house.

Are these women miffed they are not "enough" for their partner, when they expect them to be content to stay home and watch tv (referring to a recent thread where a woman was fuming her partner didn't want to watch tv with her every night)

It's not about golf, but why do so many women have no interest in life out of their kitchen and cleaning? It's genuinely depressing.