To not want to host dh's brother's family alone

I get that it's slightly awkward having this guy in your space all weekend, but what does 'being on your own with him' all weekend really mean? Can't you just do what you would have done if he wasn't there?

We've hosted my BIL by himself before a few times and tbh it's not that big an imposition. He just holes up in the spare room and does some work on his work laptop or watches films. If we're cooking, I offer him some food, otherwise we get sometime delivered. He stays out of the way to avoid being trampled by the kids 😂.

I'm not going to pretend it's not annoying to have someone in your home when you'd hoped to have a chill weekend in pyjamas with the kids, but in our family at least, hosting BIL is infinitely less trouble than hosting my PIL or parents. He's essentially a temporary lodger.

I'm prepared to be corrected though, and told that your BIL is is a complete slob (or alternatively a complete neat freak!), expects a five course dinner, takes possession of the TV remote on his arrival and shouts "Cup of tea, if you're up?" every half an hour 😂.

Depends on the relationship you have with the brother as well I guess? I would have no issue hosting myself with my husband brothers family - but I like them and I get on with them and the kids love having them over. It’s different if you don’t really like him or are not fussed etc.

And it was really wrong of your dh to do this, just a bit less awful than what you thought he had planned. Definitely time to start carving out your own time, regardless of dh's wants.

But it's not just one extra person!! It's BIL, his wife and daughter - hence my comments that they need to book into a hotel (unless I've misunderstood the very first post?)

Your DH should be able to make up the spare room and pop to a shop for any food BIL might want. The most I'd do there is remind him it still needs to be done a couple of days before. And likewise to strip the bed afterwards and do the laundry...

I'd give BIL a spare set of keys and the wifi code and tell him to make himself at home, you have some pre-arranged plans during the day so you'll be out from x-y, or are knackered and planning an early night or whatever. Or does he mind watching the kids while you go out, as it's the first chance you've had for a moment alone in weeks due to DH being so busy recently...

As it's only one extra person, it might not be that much hassle to just include him in your dinner plans? I have served fish fingers and baked beans in a similar situation, had little notice and no time/energy/inclination to plan, shop for and cook a proper meal, so my BIL got the same for dinner as toddler DS! Tbf he seemed to quite enjoy it 😅

You tell your DH he has to do everything for them - prepping beds, stocking fridge, cleaning up etc and you won't be doing any meals for them.
I'd warn your SIL in advance - so excited to see you all, just a heads up I'm a bit frazzled while he's been practising so not in host mode - I've cleared a space in the fridge for you guys so you can make yourself at home/stock up at the local Sainsbury's on the way etc

Sounds like it was planned by Nathan Fielder.

If it's just the brother, presumably you're not expected to do anything for the man and can just ignore him? Your husband can make up a bed for him.

Same here

Good for you :) I put up with families visiting for years, we had a big house, and it was still fucking awful. Honestly, it's not a bad idea to stay in a small place forever so you can have that as an excuse, we had no excuse and were taken advantage of regularly. Hated every second of it, but I smiled and did it anyway. Would NOT do it now.

Well, no, when OP believed it was the whole family it was indeed massive prick behaviour and husbands don't get to bank a couple of times of being an absolute and total prick before wives tell them to get stuffed. That's how a lifetime of being treated like shit begins.

The journey of husbands stomping on their doormat wives begins with a single unchallenged arsehole step.

Do make sure your husband NEVER EVER tries to pull any such stunt again. Make it crystal clear to him that any offers of hosting while you are there are to be run past you FIRST and before any agreement is ever entered into.

Glad it will only be awkward, weird and annoying rather than a massive inconvenience.

I agree OP, I don't like people staying and I personally wouldn't want to cram into someone else's home either. So yes, they should've booked a hotel especially as they aren't hard up. But this is something important to him, it doesn't happen very often (if ever?) and it is kind of part of married life. It's really a done deal now and, assuming your DH isn't generally a total prick, I think you'll just have to suck it up.

I hate situations like this because you either go along with it with a smile plastered on your face or you stick to your guns but it gives off arsehole vibes to his family. Been there!

this precisely

So if you don't like having your own parents stay, and it sounds a bit like he's doing tit for tat inviting his family to stay over, could you say "fine. My parents won't stay here anymore, they'll get a hotel"?

It's not really fair that you can have people stay but he can't, although I know women tend to do more prep and hosting so it's not exactly the same. I hate people staying in my house but that goes for everyone.

Id just be clear with your husband that you wont be entertaining or hosting as you have plans, so itll just need to be a base for them.

Yes, agree, have them to stay but don't need to do much active 'hosting ' - have food for breakfast and lunch in the fridge easy cold stuff, everyone can help themselves.

Dinner i would either cook a simple big meal or get takeaway

It sounds like you've built alot of resentment because of the background of him disappearing leaving you holding the baby. If cash isn't an issue, make life easier during this time, buy in help? And make sure you get a hobby/ sport you enjoy that takes you out so you feel it's more balanced?

Can you and the kids go away for the weekend?

He needs to learn that he can’t do this to you.

Fuck that - put them up in a hotel or Airbnb near where the band is playing so that they have “more fun things to do than wait around for OP and baby at home.” They can sort out their own meals and eat what they want then.

Im the poster on a recent thread about my elderly MIL coming to stay and her son told me he would be off out on the second night to the cinema with his son leaving me to host. There was mixed reactions.
My MIL is less mobile and on her own and I wasn’t up for default hosting.
I agree again here that you are not default host and should make yourself busy at the weekend with things you need to do. At least with a group coming then can entertain themselves more.

Can you attend the concert OP or are you childcare again while your other half performs?