To not want to host dh's brother's family alone

There is no joint account 🤷 I don't mind him not paying so much as I mind the family members (he has 6 brothers and sisters) taking advantage. He has a well paid job and they think he should always cover the bill whether eating in or going to restaurants. After 20 years of this it won't change now and it's not down to me so say anything but I guess it doesn't bother him as much. Users are everywhere sadly, even your own flesh and blood.

You could have just told him no, sorry, you'd already made plans before it was foisted on you that he was coming. You don't have to aquiesce to everything your husband and his brother tell you.

I bet it wouldn't have been harder, it's not rocket science to make a cup of tea. I'm also not sure why you wanted him to tag along with everything you did. You could have gone out with your friends with him, surely?

Surely you just leave some tea bags and sugar on the kitchen counter.

Why didn’t you show him the kettle? And at help yourself ?

hopefully he will go soon or as 9am just say I’ve got to work now let yourself out when you leave this morning 😂

enjoy drinks tonight

Why is food not paid out of joint account

On the cup of tea front, why didn’t you just point him at the kettle?
We have return annoying visitors soon - my relatives so I can’t absolve myself of all responsibility - I have already internally decided to dial back on the hospitality, it’s hard when you’re internally programmed that way.

You should have sent him off with your DH, he could have tagged along with him for the weekend.

I personally prefer to get a hotel or airBnb if going to see family (apart from my mum), it’s easier for everyone. I am someone who has hosted many visitors over the years as I moved near a major tourist attraction and people are usually happy to pile into mine, which means me giving up my bed. A friend and her teen DD came this weekend for a concert and she booked a hotel (there’s a travelodge 5 mins from my flat) and it made life so much easier for all of us that they had their own beds / breakfast.

This is the kind of shizz my husband pulls 😡 all of rando family and friends and I'm expected to buy all the food including takeaways which we have NEVER once been offered any contribution towards, or cook and run around serving and cleaning etc while he either sits holding court like the king or half the time he's away with work and I'm expected to host them, and he wonders why my nose gets out of joint 😤

Oh shoot, I always thought that DH means 'darling husband' never thought you can use it for dickhead too 🤣

I would be making sure that once the concert is over i would book a mini break / spa day / theatre trip for myself and reclaim ‘my time’.

DH and I have a rule that our respective families mean we are the main host. The other is invited to the dinner/drinks and may do a supermarket trip for fresh bread (more for a break than a chore tbh!!) We also make up diy baskets for guests and are upfront about which plans they can / cannot join.

I get why it works out like this if they’re here to see what he’s doing if you know what I mean. I think having family over is great for the kids to be honest, especially around something like a concert where there’s even more excitement. I’ve hosted dh’s family while he was at a work thing and yea extra work but everyone had a good time.

Why can’t he go with his brother and watch him practice Saturday daytime

or leave him to his devices while you go stuff with kids

I just can't imagine any world in which I would invite my sister for the whole weekend, and I'd not be there for any of it, leaving her in the company of my husband.

No - I wouldn't do that either, because surely she would be there to see you, and if you're not going to be there, then what's the point?!

Its very easy to offer hospitality when someone else has to provide it ....

I think BIL should tag along to watch the practice or have a wander around the city the concert hall is presumably in? Or festival for that matter.

One man - I'd just get on with your weekend. Go out for food ahead of the concert.

Yes, another very sensible post from you.
I'd actually ask you for advice, if you gave one (not doing that very often). 👍
I'm weird, but somehow male musicians make me
cringe.

I'm clearly in the minority here but I'm not seeing the need for drama. Putting family up every now and again is just part and parcel of having a family, surely? Your parents come down sometimes, now his brother is staying. It's also in preparation for something that your DH has worked hard for - maybe reframe it as supporting your DH rather than 'pandering to him'?

It's also only as much 'hosting' as you're willing to make it. Get on with your day, give him the WiFi password, either put on one extra portion or get a takeaway, maybe watch some telly in the evening. My sister often comes to stay with no notice. She knows where the tea and coffee is, brings her iPad and watches some films, and amuses herself most of the time. Don't make it hard on yourself.

I never hosted anyone and never lost out by this.
I tend to have very strong boundaries, as for my time and energy being given to others.

Just seen your update OP

Again take it easy and go about your weekend how you usually would - it won't be awkward x

You don't need to cook, clean or entertain said brother.

Just say right you know where the tea, coffee etc. is, dinner is at so and so - help yourself to it.

Or right, I have plans but partner has ordered you ".....' - help yourself

Or even better get your husband to tell him the above.

That's what I do when my husband has done similar to me, and I simply get on with the rest of my day.

Any mess made by guests I will point out to my husband and he deals with it after they leave.

Hey OP I would also be annoyed with the lack of choice in the matter - you are not his maid.

Well it's done now, just take it easy, get your partner to order some frozen pizza, breakfast croissants etc. for them.

Do what you need to do, take your children outside, the guests can look after themselves / self cater. They can join you outside if they want to - actually spend lots of time outside!

That's what I do when husband unexpectedly invites someone over and I have no say in it - I wouldn't usually mind but I have two under two.

Taking guests outside also means less mess.

Do your own thing; they are your husband's family so they should be welcome in the house but you don't have to host / cater to them - leave it to your husband to sort out and he can tell them they can self cater etc. since he won't be home.

He's busy morning til night for a week for 1 gig? Oh, come on now.

He invited them, he can prep your place for them or BIL does it himself in return for a free place to stay.

Be prepared. One musician comes with more.