Graduating as an adult - AIBU?

Honestly OP I wouldn't have expected anyone to attend if I was graduating as an adult. It wouldn't have even occurred to me to ask my dad and I probably wouldn't ask DH even because then we'd have to get someone to babysit. Maybe I'm an anomaly though. For me the reward would be having the qualification, not everyone seeing me do it. Id expect a bit of a fuss from DH about it. Maybe take us all out for dinner in the evening or something.

Shitty attitude from your parents. At least you know where you stand with them and one day when they need you you can shrug your shoulders in the same way.
Congratulations by the way. It's a fantastic achievement.

CONGRATULATIONS, @FrenchFancie !!

I am like you, I went back to uni and did a Masters, best thing I ever did. Husband and two of my three kids managed to come to the ceremony, the other couldn't get out of a compulsory thing and met us later. They were not particularly excited by my ceremony but their dad "had words" and they were basically told that it was important to mum so they should be supportive, and to remember all the hours and hours of dance displays and nativity shows I had sat through and it was payback time.

My mum didn't "get it". I didn't get a congratulations, or a well done from her. The world of postgrad education is a complete mystery to her.

Unfortunately not everyone is as invested in the occasion as the participant, this is nothing new and as it means so much to you, it is sad that your wider family are like that.
Enjoy the occasion, you have deserved it.

I am completely the other way.
I graduated at 40 (I am 60 now) and to me, the ceremony was just something that happened at the end. Told my (late) Dmum & Ddad not to bother, they were happy to make the journey but I didn't want them to be doing all that travelling.
Same with my OH. Was happy to come but again, I said not to bother as it meant a 2hr journey (each way) and I didn't think it was worthwhile.
Had some nice photos taken but to this day, they are still in the envelope they were posted to me!

Congratulations @FrenchFancie !
it’s a great achievement. Having said that I think you’re being a little unreasonable to expect everyone to want to watch the ceremony.
MIL did a BA when she was retired and in her 50s (so no pressure like you’ve been under). When she graduated she went into a huge sulk because we didn’t make a fuss about it.
But tbh getting a degree was a personal vanity project (good for her but of no interest to anyone else).
Good luck in forging your new career! Hope you and your DH celebrate in style and all the best for your future. 💐

I could only get 2 tickets so husband only came as not enough for both kids. The Kids were small at the time and at junior school and my parents live 400 miles away so a long way to come to not have a ticket and there wasn’t a live stream. Didn’t get a photo as we had no money. I went out with husband and kids for pizza in the evening, kids choice 😂 it was all a bit underwhelming but it was just the circumstances at the time. I still enjoyed it and felt proud of myself and I am sure you will too. We have photos in the pizza restaurant and we all look like we were enjoying ourselves , kids were excited as we rarely went out to eat, especially on a school night.

It’s so disappointing, isn’t it? I’ve experienced similar.

I hope your parents have rock solid plans in place in case they become frail and infirm….

Huge well done, your family are selfish and mean.
dont give or show them photos, book a lovely lunch, and make the kids get public transport home

Forget about them and focus on having a lovely day with your husband. Treat yourselves to a nice restaurant afterwards :)

I’m presumably as it’s postgrad you’ve already got a degree and have had a graduation. A second one just doesn’t have the same impact with people. I can understand them not wanting to watch a livestream of it, that would be pretty boring to watch just for a few seconds of you on the screen. Your DH is going so you have support, why don’t you go for a meal with him after to celebrate.

That’s not good OP

I’m mid 30s just qualified as a nurse through the OU and have had to wait a year for my graduation come October and my parents and sister and DH are all coming and excited so not just a slip of a thing entering adulthood.

I would be very disappointed in your parents reactions but as others have pointed out is it the first time or more times in your life?

Congratulations! It's a real shame your parents can't even pretend to be enthusiastic and proud. Graduation ceremonies aren't the most exciting admittedly but in your mum's position I would have promised to watch the live stream (and had it on in the background until you were due to come up).

I think it's quite common for parents to consider your first degree to be the "real" one that was them supporting the young person launch into the working world. My parents came to my first graduation. I later did a post grad in law. There was a graduation for that but when I asked if they'd like to come they didn't even respond! I didn't bother going myself.

Four years later I finally qualified as a solicitor and there was a qualification ceremony at the Law Society (very like a graduation- you wear the formal gown etc). I was allowed 3 tickets. I invited my husband and parents who said they would come. But on the day they didn't turn up and said they forgot. My husband came along but needed the toilet as it was about to start, then found he was shut out of the hall so missed it anyway (luckilyi didn't realise until after). Never mind, we had some photos afterwards and we had a bottle of champagne at the top of Tower 42. Focus on a nice day celebrating with your husband and tell him to make sure he goes to the toilet well in advance.

Graduations are pretty long-drawn out, boring affairs really so I’m not surprised that nobody really wants to go (or watch online).

That being said, you’ve asked for support, it’s a big one-off achievement and it’s pretty fucking shit of them not to bother to at least do something, like pay for a meal, they if they don’t want to attend in person, so I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to be upset.

I know what you mean. I graduated at 55. No one was really bothered, although pleased for me. One daughter came to support me, which was kind - but if I was alone it wouldn’t have mattered. I did my MA for myself and my future job and I was proud.

My Dad graduated when I was about 20 and I didn't go. I really regret it - I hadn't appreciated at the time how hard it is to juggle full time work and OU degree. I think he was disappointed.

But when I graduated from the OU 20 years later, I couldn't even be bothered to go to the graduation ceremony myself! I'd had two previous ceremonies in my youth and tbh found them very dull. Mine was cancelled due to Covid and I didn't rebook.

I can see both sides.

Huge congratulations for completing your degree! It's hard work.

You mum & dad not coming is one thing, but all the excuses of other thing they are doing would annoy me. Bit shitty from your mum & dad, no matter what your age, you are still their child and should be happy for you.

You kids i'll give the benefit of doubt to, they are young and dont get it.

Do you have a good friend who could attend? When a close friend graduated neither of her DC were free to go so she invited me and my husband. We had a lovely day and were proud to be there to support her. She came to my PhD graduation too. Well done for succeeding in your studies and good luck in your new career.

I voted YABU. My parents and boyfriend came to mine when I was in my 20s. Tickets are limited, YABU for expecting your siblings to go.
Your kids are away so have a decent excuse.
Just enjoy your day with your DH.

Congratulations!

I'm glad your husband will be there for you and I understand your kids' reasons for not being.

It's a real shame your parents aren't more supportive.

YABU and YANBU....

I mean, It's not that exciting for anyone else, let's be frank.

However, your parents could at least have pretended to be a little bit enthusiastic for you! Like "Oh wow, that's so exciting! I'm so pleased for you! I wish I could come, but I've already promised Maude I'll take her shopping that day, what a shame. I hope you have fun though!". Or your dad could at least pretend he's going to put the live stream on while he's watching bridge (even if he doesn't). So yeah, that is disappointing they couldn't even make that much effort for you. I wouldn't have expected anything from the teenagers. A nice "congrats" from your siblings wouldn't be much to ask though!

It’s unusual that your parents have showed no interest, but even more unusual are your dad’s comments. Did he really say ‘why would I want one?’ when you asked if he’d like a photo of you on your graduation day? If he did, that’s just horrible. Is he not a nice dad?

congratulations though, great achievement xxx

I went to my brother's graduation ceremony recently (he's in his late 30s and has just done an undergraduate degree). It was dull as hell and I wish I had skipped it. My parents didn't go and DB wasn't at all bothered because, well, he's an adult. His partner and son were there.
If he had only done a one year postgrad I definitely wouldn't have gone. So I'm Team Family on this one.

Not the point but surely all graduates are adults.

My husband retrained and graduated at 40ish. His parents went to the ceremony. We had kids at school and I needed to pick them up so we watched it on the live stream. We then all went for dinner. Life does sometimes get in the way. Could you have taken more than 2 guests any way?

I see why you feel disappointed, but I think YABU. I just wouldn’t expect people to come and watch you on stage getting your degree for all of 30 seconds. Your degree is for you, and it is really well done. But for anyone else, a degree ceremony is an incredibly boring and long event.