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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Graduating as an adult - AIBU?

110 replies

FrenchFancie · 22/07/2025 09:18

I’m due to graduate (postgraduate level) next week. I went back to uni to re-train into a new career, it’s been a long and difficult year and at times I’ve genuinely thought I couldn’t do it. There have been tears lol!

Despite everything, I’ve managed it and will graduate next Tuesday. I’m really excited but (aside from DH) no-one else seems to be! Teenagers won’t come to the ceremony as they are both at a sports camp for a sport they play competitively. I’m disappointed but understand that that’s their priority. I asked my parents to come - DM said it’s too far to drive (about a 45 minute drive) and DF said he didn’t want to come. My uni does a live stream, so I shared the link yesterday. DM replied saying she might watch but her friend is also due to lunch that day (it’s a lunchtime ceremony). DF said he’s playing bridge so won’t watch. Because of the way the uni has set things up, the livestream can’t be played back afterwards, so they can’t watch later, which I told them about weeks ago.

my siblings haven’t replied to the email, so I assume not interested. One works so again, probably can’t watch, the other is a SAHM to primary aged kids.

I get that everyone is busy, and maybe watching a mid 40s woman graduate isn’t as exciting as watching the younger kids from my course do it.

My husband will be there for me on the day, so I won’t be totally alone. I just feel like (aside from DH) no one cares about my graduation. I mentioned to DF that I was getting the photography package so I would give him a proper photo and he asked why he’d want one?

AIBU to wish people in my family were a bit more bothered? It’s been a really tough year, Uni’s are not set up to help people with families and other commitments and I’ve really struggled at times.

I am perfectly prepared to be told that I need to get over myself, by the way! Just because something is important to me, I get that others don’t think the same thing. I just wonder if others would feel like me or if I’m being unreasonable to feel a bit sad.

YABU - get over yourself - you’re a woman in your 40s
YANBU - I would be a bit sad too.

OP posts:
KeenGreen · 22/07/2025 21:58

Congratulations on your graduation and achievement OP!

it IS a big deal, and you deserve a celebration.
Whether it’s boring or unimportant to others is irrelevant- they should want to celebrate YOU.

It’s sad your family are not more interested.
could the teenagers miss a bit of the camp?

GwendolineFairfax8 · 22/07/2025 21:55

Congratulations on your amazing achievement OP.

Our nephew invited us to his graduation. He had decided on a career change and worked really hard for a second degree. We were delighted to be asked and very proud of him. There was a drinks reception and we treated him and his lovely girlfriend to lunch afterwards - it was a lovely day.

So sorry that no one appears interested when you have worked so hard.

autienotnaughty · 22/07/2025 21:50

I graduated in my thirties and my dh, kids, mum and sister came. Dad didn’t want to.
your kids are prioritising their events (normal I’m sure mine would be same if they had a better offer!)
your siblings i guess it depends how close you are and their circumstances. I only have one sister we are closeish but she doesn’t have kids and gets loads of annual leave.

I’d expect your parents to go, I was disappointed my dad didn’t make the effort, I have my pic up on the wall and it’s weird he’s not there.
Hope u have a fab day

ZenNudist · 22/07/2025 21:41

Toomanywaterbottles · 22/07/2025 09:43

I see why you feel disappointed, but I think YABU. I just wouldn’t expect people to come and watch you on stage getting your degree for all of 30 seconds. Your degree is for you, and it is really well done. But for anyone else, a degree ceremony is an incredibly boring and long event.

Edited

This
I think a 21 yo graduation is meaningful as a coming of age celebration and more or less signing off parental responsibilities. Even then Id find it dull. I certainly CBA with layer degrees. Ots very self indulgent.

user1472151176 · 22/07/2025 21:34

Massive Congratulations on completing your degree!! As a fellow 40 something year old who has also returned to Uni to hopefully better my future whilst working and raising a family, I 100% appreciate the hard work you must have put in to accomplish this. I am genuinely gutted for you that your family don't appear to care. I would be upset too. Enjoy the graduation with you dh it truly is a massive achievement even if no one else sees it.

Spinmerightroundbaby · 22/07/2025 20:59

FrenchFancie · 22/07/2025 09:18

I’m due to graduate (postgraduate level) next week. I went back to uni to re-train into a new career, it’s been a long and difficult year and at times I’ve genuinely thought I couldn’t do it. There have been tears lol!

Despite everything, I’ve managed it and will graduate next Tuesday. I’m really excited but (aside from DH) no-one else seems to be! Teenagers won’t come to the ceremony as they are both at a sports camp for a sport they play competitively. I’m disappointed but understand that that’s their priority. I asked my parents to come - DM said it’s too far to drive (about a 45 minute drive) and DF said he didn’t want to come. My uni does a live stream, so I shared the link yesterday. DM replied saying she might watch but her friend is also due to lunch that day (it’s a lunchtime ceremony). DF said he’s playing bridge so won’t watch. Because of the way the uni has set things up, the livestream can’t be played back afterwards, so they can’t watch later, which I told them about weeks ago.

my siblings haven’t replied to the email, so I assume not interested. One works so again, probably can’t watch, the other is a SAHM to primary aged kids.

I get that everyone is busy, and maybe watching a mid 40s woman graduate isn’t as exciting as watching the younger kids from my course do it.

My husband will be there for me on the day, so I won’t be totally alone. I just feel like (aside from DH) no one cares about my graduation. I mentioned to DF that I was getting the photography package so I would give him a proper photo and he asked why he’d want one?

AIBU to wish people in my family were a bit more bothered? It’s been a really tough year, Uni’s are not set up to help people with families and other commitments and I’ve really struggled at times.

I am perfectly prepared to be told that I need to get over myself, by the way! Just because something is important to me, I get that others don’t think the same thing. I just wonder if others would feel like me or if I’m being unreasonable to feel a bit sad.

YABU - get over yourself - you’re a woman in your 40s
YANBU - I would be a bit sad too.

I think if you have one person attending - that’s all you need. It would be different if you didn’t have someone to share the experience/celebrate with. As far as elderly go, it can be difficult sitting for long periods, some don’t like crowds etc, so that’s not personal. I wouldn’t expect siblings to attend/be interested unless you are extremely close.

I do understand but try and focus on the positive and the person who is there. Also maybe have a small celebration party later for you and your immediate family.

congratulations!!

Doubtmyselff · 22/07/2025 20:59

No-one gave a toss for my Masters and PhD, but for my Bachelor degree, as a 21 year old, my whole family came out, and a close Auntie.

I think its different for postgrad, I wouldn't expect siblings really unless we were like joined at the hip

redrose115 · 22/07/2025 20:49

Congratulations OP! Good luck on the day hope it goes well.

I have parents and siblings that had similar reactions except I was early 20s graduating. I had the paperwork mailed to me.

I think enjoy the day with your DH and celebrate the achievement together.

Chinsupmeloves · 22/07/2025 20:25

It was exciting to graduate when younger, as it will have been for you.

Now in later life i may not even bother and just have the photo taken tbh. It would be important to me but not as much to anyone else.

Just go out for a meal to celebrate, dont need the pomp of everyone taking a day off for a long boring ceremony really.

Sorry, just being realistic, im older, like you, and really wouldnt be bothered at all.

C152 · 22/07/2025 20:18

That's really sad, OP. YANBU to be disappointed. My mother went back to uni when I was a child and I remember her working really hard on her assignments every single night (after a long day working full time) for three years. I went to her graduation, and I remember some of her friends (also older graduates) had their children with them to watch the ceremony as well. I respect her even more as an adult, now that I realise how hard it must have been.

It's great that your DH is supporting you, but I'm really surprised by your parents' attitudes. Who cares if the day isn't exciting? They should want to support you because you've worked hard and achieved something difficult. It's really unbelievably selfish to prioritise playing bridge and having lunch with a mate over supporting your child by showing up to their graduation (it doesn't matter that you're an adult).

Don't let your disappointment in their lack of support ruin your day though. Be proud of yourself, enjoy your day with your DH and celebrate your achievement. And it may not mean much coming from a stranger, but congratulations!

JG24 · 22/07/2025 20:15

I had the same, I didn't expect anyone else to care much but I also thought my partner was a bit crap with it. I'd worked really hard, I'd done really well and just wanted to be celebrated.
But 5 years later I still feel like I've never celebrated. I'm tempted to book a night away for myself as a late celebration!

herbalteabag · 22/07/2025 20:07

I'm surprised you could ask all those people anyway - my son was only allowed 2 guests, although we managed to get an extra ticket for his brother, who was 15. My mum wouldn't have gone even if she'd had a ticket because she said it was too far away.
I wouldn't worry about it. I didn't go to my sister's because I was working and it didn't occur to me. You have your DH, and so it will be lovely.

ApolloandDaphne · 22/07/2025 20:06

I graduated recently aged 62. My DH and DM along with DD2 and her OH came along to support me. DD1 couldn't come but sent me flowers. My whole family were so supportive. It's sad that your family weren't there for you OP

Airspice · 22/07/2025 20:04

Your family are arses. I graduated at 52, my mum, sister, 2 teenage daughters and teenage nephew came to my graduation ceremony, they were all immensely proud of me 😊

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/07/2025 20:03

Doitrightnow · 22/07/2025 10:05

My Dad graduated when I was about 20 and I didn't go. I really regret it - I hadn't appreciated at the time how hard it is to juggle full time work and OU degree. I think he was disappointed.

But when I graduated from the OU 20 years later, I couldn't even be bothered to go to the graduation ceremony myself! I'd had two previous ceremonies in my youth and tbh found them very dull. Mine was cancelled due to Covid and I didn't rebook.

I can see both sides.

Huge congratulations for completing your degree! It's hard work.

I couldn’t be bothered to go to my OU ceremony, either, much as I’d been pleased with my 2:1. Dh and dds thought it was really boring of me - I’m sure they’d have come.

MMAMPWGHAP · 22/07/2025 20:02

I didn’t go to my own graduation. I found my first child’s as tedious as hell. Potentially have 2 more to attend next year. I find them a pointless waste of time.

Almostwelsh · 22/07/2025 19:49

I didn't go to my graduation ceremony for my masters as my husband at the time wasn't interested, my kids were all under 10 and my father wasn't well enough for my parents to travel. It doesn't matter. My parents came to my first graduation.

ChocoChocoLatte · 22/07/2025 19:40

Massive congratulations Flowers

it’s bloody hard! I’m half way through my masters but due to various reasons am considering graduation this year with a PGCert.

Am exceptionally impressed at all your hard work and delighted your DH will be there.
treat yourself to a child free tea and something nice, you deserve it !

Daisy12Maisie · 22/07/2025 19:37

I think it depends on the person. I didn’t go to my graduation as my friends at uni were my friends I lived with rather than people on my course so I didn’t see the point in going. My family weren’t interested either. In my professional career I don’t go to those sorts of things either to receive certificates because I’m just not bothered.
When my son graduated from basic training in the RAF I was beside myself with excitement and desperate to go and see him and show him how proud I was. It was very important to me as I hadn’t seen him for 10 weeks and I knew it had been really hard for him.

so my point is people just react differently. It it’s a big deal to you make a big deal out of the day with your dh. Go got a meal afterwards etc. Congratulations

Makingpeace · 22/07/2025 19:33

I graduated as an adult in mid 30s. Didn't bother inviting anyone but DH. Parents came to my first graduation but noone was bothered with this one, not even me 😂
DH took me out for a posh meal and a bottle of champers to mark it, instead.

AvidJadeShaker · 22/07/2025 19:19

Lots of people only have one or two guests attend the ceremony.

PermanentTemporary · 22/07/2025 19:15

Congratulations! I think it’s very sad that they can’t even be excited about it when you’re talking to them, with zero effort involved.

Have a wonderful day with your husband - I hope he celebrates you. I had a wonderful day graduating with my husband and young ds (who has since said he didn’t have a clue what was happening…) Try and let go of your not very fun family and enjoy your achievement.

Praying4Peace · 22/07/2025 19:09

Congratulations on your amazing achievement OP
I totally appreciate the enormity of the hard work and sacrifice involved in doing a degree while working and running a home etc
I would be disappointed too but as hard as it is, please try to put these feelings aside and enjoy the celebration with your husband.

Mayana1 · 22/07/2025 19:04

FrenchFancie · 22/07/2025 09:18

I’m due to graduate (postgraduate level) next week. I went back to uni to re-train into a new career, it’s been a long and difficult year and at times I’ve genuinely thought I couldn’t do it. There have been tears lol!

Despite everything, I’ve managed it and will graduate next Tuesday. I’m really excited but (aside from DH) no-one else seems to be! Teenagers won’t come to the ceremony as they are both at a sports camp for a sport they play competitively. I’m disappointed but understand that that’s their priority. I asked my parents to come - DM said it’s too far to drive (about a 45 minute drive) and DF said he didn’t want to come. My uni does a live stream, so I shared the link yesterday. DM replied saying she might watch but her friend is also due to lunch that day (it’s a lunchtime ceremony). DF said he’s playing bridge so won’t watch. Because of the way the uni has set things up, the livestream can’t be played back afterwards, so they can’t watch later, which I told them about weeks ago.

my siblings haven’t replied to the email, so I assume not interested. One works so again, probably can’t watch, the other is a SAHM to primary aged kids.

I get that everyone is busy, and maybe watching a mid 40s woman graduate isn’t as exciting as watching the younger kids from my course do it.

My husband will be there for me on the day, so I won’t be totally alone. I just feel like (aside from DH) no one cares about my graduation. I mentioned to DF that I was getting the photography package so I would give him a proper photo and he asked why he’d want one?

AIBU to wish people in my family were a bit more bothered? It’s been a really tough year, Uni’s are not set up to help people with families and other commitments and I’ve really struggled at times.

I am perfectly prepared to be told that I need to get over myself, by the way! Just because something is important to me, I get that others don’t think the same thing. I just wonder if others would feel like me or if I’m being unreasonable to feel a bit sad.

YABU - get over yourself - you’re a woman in your 40s
YANBU - I would be a bit sad too.

Congratulations! Enjoy your day, even with your husband only. You worked hard for it. It's great no one else is coming, go for a lovely lunch and maybe a spa day with your husband only. You can pretend you are 20 again and do something naughty. 😉 Unfortunately other people can not make you happy, I do understand it bothers you, but be proud on yourself! Make yourself happy!

Away2000 · 22/07/2025 19:04

I think it depends on the person. Are they generally people that like celebrations/family gatherings? Have they congratulated you at all? I couldn’t be bothered to go to my own graduations so I can see why people wouldn’t want to go.

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