Graduating as an adult - AIBU?

I'm appalled at some of the comments on this thread! "Graduations are boring" "You sit for hours to see your loved ones for 30 seconds". I can't believe how little people are prepared to do to support someone who has worked hard and is proud of their achievements.
I was late 30s when I graduated (went back to finish my degree post divorce and son being old enough to have a key to get in the house if I was late back from a lecture). My teenage son, my mom and my friend attended and were proud to sit through the boring speeches to see me walk across a stage for 2 minutes. We went for a cream tea afterwards and I introduced them to my university lecturers and friends I had made on the course. And you can bet my mom was proud as punch to display my graduation photo in her lounge.
I am so sorry OP that your family don't give you the support you deserve but I hope that you and DH have a fantastic time.

I graduated from teacher training a few weeks ago at 49. Some of the other older students had brought family but I went in my own. DH had to look after the kids and it didn’t occur to me to mention it to my parents. Graduating when you’re older is a bit of a non event. Sorry!

I think that's a real shame OP. I went to my friend's adult graduation, to celebrate how hard she had worked and how well she had done. But your DH will be there to celebrate and congratulate, and if your DCs are both away you should go for a slap up dinner with some celebration champagne afterwards. Well done you!

Congratulations on your achievement! I'm torn between YANBU and YABU! I think that YANBU to to want more people there to celebrate with you and to be slightly disappointed that they are not. But I also think that your family are NBU to not be all that interested in attending. If they had realised that you would be hurt, then that's not OK obviously, but they really may not!

Like others said, people view graduation ceremonies in different ways, but beyond the first degree of your children, I don't think there is any general expectation of attending. I didn't even attend my own PhD graduation (to be fair, it was in a different country, and I had a just-about-turn-one year old, so we had a small combined 1st birthday/graduation party in the garden for family and close friends). Is that something you could do? Invite people to a small celebration to mark the achievement? I also only attended by Master's graduation because my husband was getting his PhD at the same time so it was a way to get more tickets and turn it into more of an event.

I have some friends who chose not to attend their 21 year old son's BA graduation, even though it isn't particularly far (day trip-able). I was slightly taken aback at first as I hadn't considered that to be an option! But they pointed out that (crucially) he really wasn't bothered, it really wasn't that interesting for them to be there and he'd was more than happy spending time with his friends, they'd been to other events that were part of his degree, and they were short of holiday time at work.

So I think YANBU to feel they way you do. But I don't think you should hold it against them too much as I think it is quite normal for them not to attend. It will still be special for you. And you do have your husband there. I think having no-one there might be a bit sad. But most people only have two people with them (usually parents) not more.

I voted YANBU, but I wouldn't be just a "bit" sad. I'd be really upset.

When I got my PhD, both my parents came, and so did both of dh's parents, (as well as dh of course).
They realise what a massive amount of work it had been and what an achievement it was, and wanted to recognise that, despite being away the ceremonies are generally quite boring.

I drove 200 miles once, to go to my cousin's, as her sole surviving parent had been taken ill the week before and she otherwise wouldn't have had anybody there.
Showing up matters.

I'm really sorry that your family aren't more supportive and celebratory of your achievement, that's very hurtful. When I graduated (40 years ago - yikes!) My (small) family attended and we had a lovely family dinner to celebrate.
My daughter graduated during Covid lockdown, so no ceremony at all. They tried a watered down thing the next year, but she had no interest in attending, it felt detached. Finally, this year we are looking forward to attending her Masters graduation and couldn't be more proud. She can only get 2 tickets for the ceremony, so her fiance and I will be there, but her dad, brother and grandparents will be outside ready for photos. She's worked so hard and we all want to mark that. You should be massively proud of your achievements. If I could be there, I would 😊

Congratulations OP.
If it makes you feel any better my dad turned down tickets to my PhD graduation 🤷🏼‍♀️

Enjoy the day with your DH -you deserve to feel special.

We all know how boring graduation ceremonies are, but if your own parents can’t put aside their feelings of probably being a bit frustrated and bored for a few hours when their adult child is graduating, then that’s appalling of them. Guess what? The graduation isn’t about you, you feeling put out or bored, it’s about that person getting that scroll on stage, the person you love and who has, like with the OP, worked their socks off to get on on that stage.

I agree.
Honestly, some of these posts are sad to read. If I knew any of you and you told me no one in your family GAF, I’d be having the day off work, cheering you on, going out for dinner and drinks and just generally hyping you up for your hard work.

Try and find a way to mark the occasion and celebrate yourselves, ladies. It’s important and you deserve to be celebrated.

Congratulations on your degree.

I think people just vary a lot in how they perceived graduation ceremonies. I remember my parents seeming much more interested in my first degree one than I was, and when I did my masters none of my lot bothered going back for the ceremony. The achievement is getting the degree - walking on stage is just a detail. But then I was young when I went to uni and perhaps just doing it because it was the done thing. We have an official photo of me in the gown... holding a plastic tube which is a pretend scroll. But I know it's just a pic of me holding a plastic tube. Perhaps it would have meant more to me if I'd come to higher education later and not taken it so much for granted.

I have not voted because I don't agree with your options. I don't think people are being dismissive because you are "only" a middle aged woman - not in the least - but I can imagine them being dismissive because they don't really see the value in watching you walk up on stage and receive a piece of paper. It is a shame they don't get where you are coming from and they won't do it to make you happy, but not wanting to watch a stream of people shaking hands doesn't mean they are not proud of you and your achievements. A bit like different love languages I suppose.

Aah, that's really poor for no-one to care much.

I think you’re amazing! I work at a uni and I was at graduation yesterday. The mature students got huge cheers from the other students (and the staff!) We understand what you’ve achieved.

I graduated as an adult yesterday. It was my third graduation ceremony and even I was a bit over it! I didn't get the official photos and wasn't offended that only one of my children wanted to attend the ceremony. I think they are fundamentally boring, especially if you are not the graduand!. What I have appreciated is the support friends and family have shown over the last three years, far more so than making a fuss for a few hours and being bored rigid. That's my take on it!

This. Whiel I appreciate that it was no doubt hard juggling work and a postgraduate qualification, it IS onlly a year and many other people also study really very hard for professional qualifications as adults over a number of years and there is often no big ceremony even thought it's just as big an achievement for their careers.

I think it depends on the qualification. I mean, if it's a teaching post-grad I know how intense they can be and obviously it enables you to launch a new career as a teacher so that's quite a big deal, even though it's only just for a year.

But I think for most people, their undergraduate degree is what "launches" them and is celebrate by family due to how far their young adult has come from leaving school or college and getting to that endpoint.

Id be happy for my sibling if they graduated but I don’t think I’d go or watch their graduation unless I was off work.

as a parent I would always make the effort to celebrate my child’s achievement whether they are 8, 18 or 38!

At least your dh is excited for you, maybe you can make a day of it and go out and celebrate , have a meal with your children once hey have finished camp.

Same here @FrenchFancie I could have written your post with just a few variations. I feel slightly gutted that no one gives an F. But comforted that I’m not the only one…
but let’s not let them have this.

Blooming congrats, woman! I SEE YOU! And it’s not or wasn’t easy. But you did it. And so did I.
Now, don’t let them rain on your day and I’ll do the same. We deserve this. Jolly well done x

What misery guts. I watched my friend by live stream. She worked hard and I’m so proud of her achievements!

Well done you 🙌

My parents attended my first graduation when I was 22. When I completed my MSc 10 years later, I graduated en absentia as I couldn't be bothered going 😆. When I passed my second Post-Graduate Diploma last year, I also couldn't be bothered getting up at 5am to be in London for 8am to receive it... Instead I treated myself to a spa day and celebrated with cake when the kids got home from school. It was perfect 😁💗

Haven't RTFT, but I graduated last year with a BA. First degree for me. (Late 20's, married, 1 DC. Never thought I'd go to Uni, etc.) No one gave a shit. So much so that I didn't even bother to attend the graduation ceremony myself. No cards, meals, etc. Nothing.

I stayed on to do an MA and will graduate January coming. I assume it'll be the same.

Although out of family/friends etc. The only people I expected to be proud and want to celebrate would be my DM and DH. (No Dad here. And DC too young). I wouldn't expect extended family or friends to be overly bothered.

Her siblings haven't even replied. Given that her brother invited her to his adult graduation and she attended, that seems particularly shit of him.

I agree with this. Graduation ceremonies are a totally boring waste of time. I honestly do t really get why anyone would want to go! I do sort of get the idea of going when you graduate at 21 (although I didn't) but surely that's more about a sort of coming of age thing?
Id want to go out for a meal or something to celebrate though

I found my undergrad ceremony so dull I didn’t bother going to my own ceremony for my second degree, which I did in my mid 20’s whilst working FT. I mean they really do go on, don’t they 🤣. It’s a huge achievement and I’m sure your family are really proud of you, but perhaps you could arrange a celebratory family lunch/dinner to celebrate instead? I was quite happy to just get my second degree certificate in the post as opposed to sitting through all that again - we did have a family dinner though with DH, my parents, sister and BIL to acknowledge the effort, which was much more fun.

I feel for you.

DH graduated twice as an adult. The first time I was away for work! Watched the live stream under the desk during a boring talk. My DM was interested both times and watched the live stream too. His DF was dead, his DM had dementia for the first one and had passed away by the second one. Our DS was a baby at the second one. But at least I could go as it was during nursery hours!

Congratulations on your achievement @FrenchFancie!
YANBU to be disappointed at you parents lack of interest, that’s ve ry dismissive of them.
My DH and Dsis came to mine (I was in my late 40’s), and my DM and BiL came to the restaurant for the celebratory meal. They were all very supportive. (Not so much MIL, but that’s another story…).

I graduated with a post grad degree in my late 30s. Graduation ceremonies are extremely dull and to be honest I feel a complete waste of time. I didn’t even go to mine. I got my degree posted to me. I did go to my undergrad degree and to be honest it was very underwhelming. Definitely not worth the money and effort to hire the gown, buy the tickets ect.

if you want to do something organise a meal out to celebrate. People will come to that.

funnily enough I had to purchase a graduation gown, my school requires staff to wear them at special events. So I have to wear one all the time. They are hot and uncomfortable 😂