Graduating as an adult - AIBU?

I would agree that degree ceremonies are very long and boring - the only bit anybody’s really interested in is the brief moment when their relative goes up to shake hands and receive their ‘fake’ rolled up certificate.

TBH I couldn’t be bothered to attend the ceremony for the OU degree attained in my early 50s, but I can understand the OP’s disappointment, since it means a lot to her.

Sorry, pretty selfish older adults too from the OPs post.

I would have gone for my mum or dad, and for my adult children.

It amazes me how many people can't be bothered to do something they perceive to be 'long and boring ' and won't put themselves out in any way for other people, however close and however much it matters to them. What a selfish generation of young adults we seem to have now.

That does sound a bit rubbish of them all (especially the comments from your DF - charming), but don't let it put a damper on your achievement. Plan to have a lovely graduation day with your DH and feel really proud of yourself.

Don't think anyone is minimising their achievements. Just the ceremony. Which IS boring, long and pointless a lot of people. Doesn't mean they wouldn't celebrate another way.

Except in the OPs case this isn’t just one year after an Undergraduate degree.
I teach on a one year postgrad course that attracts a lots of career changers and mature students. Graduation often means so much to them. It’s a shame that people try to minimise someone’s achievements and accomplishments.

I graduated as an adult and could only take two people so I took my mum and dad. It was lovely. Congratulations OP, they are a mean lot and should be celebrating you.

My teens would definitely have been cheering me on. That is sad. Well done OP!

Well, PhDs ARE a bigger deal than even UG degrees. PhDs are far rarer than undergraduate degrees, and are at a higher level. It's nothing to do with being an adult or not.

Personally I just don't think most 1 year post grad courses are a massive deal these days, and if you've just been to the UG degree ceremony only the previous year then it's a bit much really to expect a whole fuss so soon?. Maybe if someone has gone back to do it later, part time around a job and also a young family and it will bring with it a career change then yes, it's a bigger deal than done straight after a UG degree and not even started in employment yet.

Yep, I regularly talked about it and gave updates on my progress. I often tried to discuss how challenging it was with a young child but that went over his head as he never once offered any sort of childcare. But then again, it was only last week he realised I worked full time and didn’t get the holidays off (I’m an academic).
My mums no longer alive so you would have thought he’d would have wanted to make an extra effort🤷🏼‍♀️
Although, having my in laws there was lovely as they were the ones that actually supported me alongside my DH.

I’ve often wondered whether my dad was bothered when he saw the pictures on facebook of me standing with my FIL and not him.

Totally agree with you, I did a full time college course with placement in my 40s with 2 teenage children, their activities, a house to “run” and also essays etc to write when I hadn’t been at school for 25 years.

most tiring year of my life but I passed with an A.

graduating as a mature student is an amazing celebration !

That was just really odd of your dad. Did you not discuss any of your PhD during those 7 years? So that he knew the commitment it entailed? Is he one of those very hands off parents who aren't all that interested in their offsprings' lives other than to say "work going ok?", and you know as their child that the only acceptable answer is "Yes, fine" and then onto talking about THEIR favourite subject?

I had my masters graduation this year 40 years after my first degree. My husband, children and grandchild all came. It was an amazing day.
My first graduation had been a bit of a damp squib, for multiple reasons, and this was a lovely celebration. I think it’s worth celebrating at any age.
OP, there are lots of us who know what a great achievement this is for you. Your children will realise in about a decade. They’re still at the stage where they just assume parents can do anything so they don’t realise what a massive deal this is.
Congratulations and have a wonderful day.

I was 43 when I had my PhD graduation. It was 7 years of hard work alongside a full time job and a young family. I’m the only person in my family to have been to university.

My dad declined the invitation to the ceremony and my meal. He didn’t get me a card or acknowledge my achievement in anyway - well he replied to my text telling him I’d passed. I was pretty gutted tbh.

Thankfully my in-laws are fab and asked if they could come along on the day even if it was to just be there and not attend the actual ceremony.
There is nothing wrong with celebrating your achievements even if you are an adult!

Showing up matters

In a nutshell.

Yes, graduation ceremonies are boring, especially if it's a big uni. But you show up because you recognise and are proud of the effort that one of the people you love most in the world, has put into it.

Maybe post grads are a little different, but I'd still not miss my DD's moment for the world. Being there is telling your offspring that you care and are proud of them.

Aww they suck! It would cost them nothing to pretend to be interested! Also they should be proud of you!

I'm proud of you girl, well done on getting through a difficult course!

My dh did a PHD in his forties and it was only me. The ceremony was pretty tedious-and wanted to support him though. It didn’t mean the rest of his family didn’t care-they were delighted. But sitting for hours while a middle aged person shakes hands for a few seconds wasn’t necessary. It’s not so much a rite of passage as it is for a youngster.

The event really isn't significant to anyone else. I'm surprised that an adult would ask their parents.

I had a friend in her thirties who couldn't understand why no one wanted to go to her PGCE graduation. I honestly couldn't believe she'd even bother with it at that age.

congratulations 🙌 what a great achievement.

sorry your family are all arseholes.

You have a good point. My PhD graduation in my 30s did feel like a bit deal, and my parents came to that along with my husband. On reflection I think this is a me thing. I was just so exhausted getting to the end of term that I couldn’t work up any enthusiasm for graduation. My mind was on other things. I wouldn’t expect siblings to take an interest though, but parents might. Maybe mine would have liked to come to my teacher training one, but it didn’t occur to me to tell them about it. When did I get so jaded? 😳

Oh op, well done but these graduation things are long boring events that people go to for their sake of their 21yr old kids but once you're in your 40s you can't expect others apart from your dh to pitch up.

Just have a graduation family do at home at the weekend.

Congratulations OP!!
I graduated in my 30s and I didn’t even get a call or a card from my parents. It was hurtful but just exemplified that they are in that weird set of parents who don’t want their kids to have anything they didn’t- I was the first person in my family to go to university. It was illuminating tbh and I learned a lot about our relationship in their reaction.
Go and treat yourself! You should be so proud! Well done x

Congratulations! I can see why you’re feeling hurt but I’m not surprised.

Graduations are frightfully dull to sit through. The last one I attended was my brother’s when he graduated as a mature student about 10 years ago. It felt endless and we all had to take a day off midweek.

I didn’t even attend my OWN post-grad ceremony last year. Just went out for dinner with DP and friends to celebrate the weekend after and had the fancy docs posted to me!

Congratulations… your parent’s attitude is horrible . I graduated again a few years ago , my husband and children came . I think it’s pretty shocking that you’re allowing your children’s sports camp to be deemed a priority above something that you will never have the chance to share with them again.
if you do not share with them how much you want them there how will know about the real priorities in life? You are encouraging them to behave like your parents and siblings.
if your own children can’t champion their own parent who has achieved something remarkable how will they champion others in their lives?
Ceremonies for many things are long and drawn out but you can make it enjoyable by going for a celebration breakfast or lunch after .

I disagree about it being a non event when you’re an adult.
I’ve taught mature students and adults completing postgraduate courses and PhDs. Those graduations are always so meaningful as the students have often been studying alongside work and a family.

From my own experience, my PhD graduation in my 40’s was much bigger deal than my UG degree at 21.