To think an invite to the evening reception is not a wedding invite?

Registry offices are small, often can only fit 40 or so people in. With 2 families, that doesn't leave much room for friends. It's not rude or cheeky to invite people to the evening in that case. 8 til 12 is a bit of a short time though.

Either invite or don't. I am not offended, but if you can't be bothered to invite me to your wedding (and fair enough!), don't be so tacky as sending evening invitations. It's even more funny when there's a paid bar and the bride and groom just want the look of a big wedding 😂
I've never considered it tacky to be invited to an evening do or that I was invited because they wanted to look like the wedding was bigger than it was. I don't think anyone does that. People invite people because they want to invite them. Nothing more than that.

I've no problem with a paid bar either. It's entirely expected at an evening do. It's still completely the invitee's choice to go.

She wants you to do an 8 hour round trip to give her a present. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Thank you very much for your very kind invitation. Unfortunately, we won't be able to make it that evening as we have another commitment. Won't have to buy a present but you could send a card.

I’ve never minded. DH works for a big company and we went to lots of evening dos in our 20s. Just a night out.
He actually went to one across country but they car shared and had a weekend away. They tended to be word of mouth invites too so no pressure to go.

But asking people to travel and spend money on hotels and things. Not on. I went to one where it was mostly evening invites. 2 people had travelled a huge distance and the B&G could hardly be bothered to come and say hello.

in real life it's considered tacky, so you know 😂
An evening invit, I mean, of course
Never heard of it being described as tacky ( or other words meaning that) in real life.
People i know seem pleased and excited about a wedding whether its full day or evening.
The only issue I would have in Ops case is the distance with a work day following.
If it was the weekend I would have used it as an excuse to have a mini break and stay an additional night and explore the area.

Is being offended a profession? How do I apply, and is it lucrative? I think I have the perfect skillset....

In your situation I would be quietly peeves, OP. Presumably you considered the friendship a close enough one that you expected an invite to the wedding, plus the bride had led you to expect one. You aren't wrong or presumptuous to feel like that - we all have opinions on the closeness of our connections to others, and of course it's disappointing to find that these aren't shared by the person we have the connection with.

I doubt the bride intended to mislead you. Either in her mind to two levels of invitation are synonymous, OR she miscalculated the costs and was in the end not able to invite everyone she wanted to. And had perhaps forgotten what she said to you.

Anyway, given the circumstances I would politely decline, and not think too much more about it. I have friends who I consider close but did not invite me to their weddings, and I have always tried not to let it sour the relationship if they are people I genuinely like.

I happily travel 4 hours for a good party. I have gone away for long weekends in different countries for big parties, no issue there.

Evening invit with 2nd tier guests? No, I rarely bother.

It's a very nice gesture if it's your neighbours kids or a member of staff, basically someone who really has no reason to actually invite you at all. I always at least send a gift. Friends and family?

Either invite or don't. I am not offended, but if you can't be bothered to invite me to your wedding (and fair enough!), don't be so tacky as sending evening invitations. It's even more funny when there's a paid bar and the bride and groom just want the look of a big wedding 😂

in real life it's considered tacky, so you know 😂

An evening invit, I mean, of course.

I don’t understand why this even exists within weddings to be honest, I don’t get why anyone would go

Its the best bit!!!
Not everyone is in everyone's inner circle but the wedding couple would love frirnds and extended family to share the party and fun with.

I'd have an evening invite over the actual wedding anyday!

It's a feckin invite.
Accept it if you want to go.
Decline if you don't.

Imo these kind of invites are a salve to those not invited to the wedding. Everyone has already gelled, slightly merry, you pop in like a spare part, but you've travelled, dressed, bought a gift and yet barely arrive and you're off home. Around the corner, then pop in, otherwise no and not worth the expenditure and time.

It isn't as far aas I am concerned :) Although there's an annoying trend on MN to pretend it is. I don't encounter invite as a noun in the real world.

Not true at all, I wouldn't mention gifts at all to evening guests and many couples don't.
It's come and have a dance with us

Depends on their age and culture what decent hospitality means though

In my 20s, someone hosting a dancefloor, free booze and all my mates to dance with would have been a dream come true. I'd have been happy to skip the ceremony and speeches especially if I didn't know both of the couple well and wasn't bothered about their families etc.

Now I'm older yes I'd like a meal and a coffee and cake!

I wouldn't go to this to support the bride etc,
But I would go if I fancied a night out on the dance floor and catching up with the other guests.

If you think you'd enjoy it don't shoot yourself in the foot thinking you've been snubbed, you haven't.

My friend and her husband are big sociable party people. They had 100, mostly family, for ceremony and reception and then literally another 100 (lots of colleagues, friends siblings, all their partners etc) for the boogie in the evening, but they hosted that in the city where most of them lived and worked- so basically these people would want to go out dancing and drinking in that city on a Saturday night anyway, so they did it with a bunch of great people with a great dj playing.

I think evening invites are fine but only really worthwhile for locals. I personally wouldn't bother travelling across the country, particularly on a weeknight.

I balance the length of the journey vs the length of the travel.

So for this, travelling for twice as long as the event would be a big no. Especially on a school night.

You miss the dinner though…!

I wouldn't bother attending if I were you. It is so rubbish to say to someone that they are invited to a wedding, to subsequently only invite them to the evening part of the reception, but lots do this!
One of my DBs and wife to be did, then were perplexed when so many didn't turn up (many had initially believed they had been invited to the whole thing) to their medium size reception venue in a town with few hotels/B&Bs 😬

If you live local to the venue it's not so bad as it's just an evening out like any other. But if you need to travel, it's annoying.

DH and I were invited to the evening do at the wedding of a family member. As it was close family we felt obliged to attend and, as it was a 3-hour drive away we had to book a hotel for the night. It felt odd turning up at that time.

Weddings seem to be no longer the family affairs that they used to be. At my wedding, it was non-negotiable that we would invite aunts, uncles, grandparents and so on. Nowadays such relatives are ditched to make way for the couples' friends and colleagues. It used to be the other way around, ie family at the ceremony and colleagues and friends coming along later. I think it has a lot to do with age of the couple. We were early 20s, nowadays it's more likely the couple is 10 or 15 years older and have already been living together as a couple for years, so marriage is not the rite of passage from childhood into adulthood that it once was. Times change.

We had this invited to the evening do for
dhs cousin despite half of dhs family his parents and sister going to the day do includinfg dhs little niece and our kids not invited whatsoever depsite his cousin being invited to the full day at our wedding. It was a Thursday term time in a September a good 45 minutes drive away. We declined the invite it was pretty insulting to be honest to invite half a family like that would have been different it was just in dh parents but including his sister and niece was a kick in the teeth. Haven't bother with her since.

4 hours travel for an evening invite I wouldn’t go. I hate the evening part of weddings anyway as I’m not a dancing loud music type so I normally decline them now.

I never attend evening dos, whole wedding or nothing for me!

There have always been invites for the evening. You don’t have to go. And repeat.