To think an invite to the evening reception is not a wedding invite?

My daughter just got engaged and is starting to plan her wedding. I find these threads quite upsetting because some people seem to be so negative about the whole process. She’s 27. They have just got mortgage approval. She’s a nurse, he’s a teacher. They are both hardworking and want to include as many people as possible because they have big, close families and friends from school, university, work etc.
They want to include as many as possible, not because they are showing off, or greedy or whatever but because they are excited, happy and love their friends and family.
They’re looking at a lovely venue where they offer a ceremony and lunch to immediate family and bridal party (about 25 people). The meal would start at 4 and then a wedding party to start at about 7for up to 150. There’s a drinks reception and buffet at the party. I think this sounds lovely and affordable and will allow them to have their extended family and friends and still afford to buy their house. I hate the idea that people would think they are being cheeky and cheap and having 2 tiers of guests. It’s literally immediate family and bridesmaids and best man at the ceremony and meal..

I have never been invited to a party, birthday or other, where I had to pay for my own drinks. I wouldn't mind, but hosts invite people they can cater for.
I have. I've been to restaurants where guests clubbed together and paid for the birthday person, ones where it was at someone's house and they provided huge buffets and drinks, ones in pubs with a couple of free drinks and ones in pubs with no free drinks provided.

None of which provoked so much as a raised eyebrow let alone any significant offence. Same as an evening wedding invitation.

I bet they weren’t inviting people 4 hours away for an evening do, but work colleagues, neighbours etc

I think you are missing the point that the marriage bit is the most important part of the day. The reception and evening party celebrate the marriage and it's harder to do that if the guests aren't invited to come to the ceremony itself. Not that a church wedding needs an invitation.

I always thinking there's enough money for a posh reception for a limited number and a cheaper party in the evening, then the two budgets should be combined to provide one celebration for all.

An expensive £150ph reception is not the only option and I'd rather have everyone share the ceremony and the party.

There is nothing wrong with an afternoon buffet if that's what you can afford and it's far more gracious to extend what you can award to everyone than limit what you can't afford.

I only wanted people I was close to at my wedding so people were invited to both day and evening.
Evening guests are those you’re not close to.
Why would you invite people you’re not close to?
I never go to evening invites.
I think sometimes it’s a way for the couple to receive more gifts from their expensive John Lewis list.

I have no problems with only being invited to the evening reception of a wedding, and have happily accepted invites to evening receptions before. It’s basically an invite to the party bit and they’re usually relaxed and fun. And it’s hardly unusual for weddings to have evening-only guests!

But having said that, I’d generally only accept an invitation to an evening reception 4 hours drive away if I was able to make a mini-break out of the occasion. And that’s not as easy with a mid-week wedding.

I have never been invited to a party, birthday or other, where I had to pay for my own drinks. I wouldn't mind, but hosts invite people they can cater for.

Only in some weddings where the bride and groom have champagne taste...

I don't know why some posters translate that as being offended, in real life people roll their eyes, and possibly exchange a few jokes with friends in common, but it's never a big deal either. If you want to host a big wedding but don't want to pay for one, go for it. it's not hurting anyone.

You don’t have to go though do you? It’s hardly unusual for couples to have a wedding breakfast with close family and friends, then open up an evening reception for others. There is always food in the form of a buffet or (more recently) hot dog/burger vans, pizza vans or bacon/sausage sandwiches, a BBQ, (or one of the very many variables that evening receptions have).

Although according to Mumsnet, this kind of invitation is the height of bad manners!! 🙄

It’s been popular for literally years…my own parents had this kind of wedding in 1960, as did most people then. It’s just on Mumsnet that there appears to be offence taken.

Go or don’t! But ffs, what’s with the faux offence to something that’s utterly normal?

I would decline, and wouldn´t travel or incurr expense for an evening invite. If it were local, then I would consider.

And that would likely be the case... if it was just a party. The important bit IS the wedding... and that's the bit they're not being invited to.
Unless it was a close family member or best friend I would not lose any sleep over not getting invited to the wedding bit tbh.

So, in that instance, it seems more about numbers than anything else...
It is highly likely to be about numbers. As I said before, you can't be in everyone's inner circle and numbers matter.

In a wedding party, numbers soon add up and people that you may prefer to be there have to go so a closer family member may attend. Its a tricky balancing act.
However give me an evening invite any day ( unless its is my sons' wedding!!)

And that would likely be the case... if it was just a party. The important bit IS the wedding... and that's the bit they're not being invited to.

So, in that instance, it seems more about numbers than anything else...

Because, if it's local, it's nice to celebrate a friends/colleagues wedding whilst accepting their budget or their chosen venue can't accommodate everyone they'd like to invite.

@twasale it's a bit crap if her to say she was inviting you to her wedding, then only invite you to the event, especially as you're travelling so far.

it depends on the friendship how I'd excuse myself, but I wouldn't go. Unless I could go for a few days & spend time with my parents & other local friends.

Decline and don’t send a present.

It's not a wedding invitation, it's for the reception only.

4 hours away, I'd pass. You're not that close if you didn't get an invitation to the actual ceremony.

This! The evening part is the best part!

💯

Evening dos are awful non-events.

Are you sure you've not got mixed up with an especially depressing wake?

You're not good enough to come to the actual wedding, but please come to the reception so we still get a nice gift!'

Or its saying

' Come to our party!!! There's food, a band a disco, loads of people that'll you'll know (probably) will be there. Let's drink, dance and have a great time.
Let's have a fun night!

Evening dos are awful non-events.

I once got invited to the wedding ceremony ant the church and the evening reception but not the bit in between. I lived in London at the time and the wedding was near Dundee…

Exactly this.
If it was someone's milestone birthday party would people expect a paid bar then?
What's the difference?
It's a party

I've only taken small gifts to an evening do, never felt anything bigger was expected. And people don't invite people for the purposes of getting presents. Not generally. Only a few weirdos.

I hate save the date cards.
They tell you nothing only the date
They don't tell you if children are allowed
They don't tell you what time the wedding is
They don't tell you if it's all day or just evening.
Total waste of time and money and leaves it open to assumptions then people get offended when it's not what they thought

Agree. It's basically saying: 'You're not good enough to come to the actual wedding, but please come to the reception so we still get a nice gift!'

She wants you to do an 8 hour round trip to give her a present. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

No bride has put an invite out.

She may well know that op is not able to take her up on the invitation but also possibly the op may take a day's leave and go and explore the area and join the party in the evening.

These days I don't know many brides that particularly want gifts. They already have everything.

The last few weddings ive been to it's been either a donation to your favourite charity or a donation to their favourite charity.