Friend didn’t show up

I wouldn’t text. I wouldn’t put any more effort in. She must know it’s rude. She either doesn’t care or doesn’t think you mind.

No, don't contact her, she doesn't give a tiny shit about you,I can't believe the sheer rudeness 😱

I have a friend like this, in this situation she’d probably turn up after everyone had eaten already. Always very very late or if she feels plans are casual enough, not at all. Fantastic company when she shows, known her 30 years, but a couple of years ago I decided enough is enough and I’m not arranging anything and politely declining the rare occasions she reaches out. My friend is able to get to places on time, she’s got a good job and I suspect is always on time for friends she thinks she has to impress. I think she feels I’m chilled out enough to not worry about it. I think she feels she doesn’t have to bother with me.

Look, she clearly doesn't give a shit about upsetting you so I think you're perfectly within your rights to send her a message telling her (calmly and politely) that you're put-out and, frankly, annoyed at yet another no-show. MNers are brilliant at composing such messages to help.

I have a high tolerance for flaky friends but I have no time for rudeness like that. I would not make any attempt to reach out.

Why on earth would you text her again?

How much clearer can she be, she doesn't value you, your time, your money spent on food and doesn't want your friendship.

Stop wasting both your times, you are worth more than the nothing she is giving you.

If you keep seeing her then it would be embarrassing for you to be honest - you'd look like a completely doormat who is desperate for her attention.

The fact that it's always you doing the running was already a bit cringe before she didn't show up, which is inexcusable rude. It doesn't even sound as if you need to officially "drop" her as a friend, more if you just stop trying to get hold of her the friendship will end naturally as she is clearly not bothered about maintaining it.

Save yourself the final bit of humiliation in her confirming this if you "confront" her and just don't bother contacting her again.

I’d be ditching her for sure.
Rude doesn’t even cover it!

Please don’t chase her op!!

OP, kindly meant but have some self respect.
Stop chasing this person, they don't care about you.
Let it go.

Just let it go. Simple as that. No b'day cards, texts, 'phone calls, meet ups, anything. There are so many nice people in the world, why do we agonise over flaky individuals who hamper our best lives. Read view mirror of history to her. Bye. Bye.

Do you think she was pissed off at the morning message so decided to not bother or something? Not excusing her awful behavioir but it is odd to confirm the morning of and then be a no show.

once I had established she hadn't been in some terrible accident and you know she hasn't because of her posting on social media. I would have contacted her and said I specifically asked you if you were still coming today for lunch , to then not show up without so much as an apology shows me don't give a fuck about this 'friendship' - I'm done with you and should have been a long time ago and and then have nothing more to do with her

People like this are always thought of as “good fun” while reliable loyal friends like me get taken for granted. They are charmers who groom everyone around them so that they can treat them like sh*t and get away with it.

you need to call her out on this. She is not a friend. She is an abusive cow.

It’s very simple.
Ask her why she didn’t show up or let you know.
Depending on the answer, dump her after.

That’s extremely rude. This, together with you saying it’s always you who arranged things, suggests that she’s not actually that bothered about being friends with you. Just let this one go and focus on people who actually show up for you.

I’d try to get her on her own to find out
Is she concealing an illness
Is her partner controlling her
If it’s neither leave her to contact you when she wants to meet up- she won’t and you can let it all go. If she’s flaky there’s no point having a go at her, she won’t care

Why do people not address this. No text...ring her up and ask why she didn't turn up having said she would hours earlier.
Unless there is a very good reason, ask her if being rude has become a habit with her.
People are flaky because other people don't pull them up on it. Are you frightened to ask her? She was downright rude to you and should have to explain why.

I'd check that she is alive and able to speak or write, and then ask her directly what part of your conversation on Saturday morning she didn't understand. Let her tell you she doesn't really listen when you talk and just agrees with whatever you say and then does as she pleases, and/or that she doesn't give a damn about your comfort or convenience, if that's the case. Very likely hearing it directly from her will make you feel less conflicted about quietly dropping her if that's your choice. You're really wasting time and energy being distressed over it if this kind of thing is her habit and it upsets you. See her if you run into her, if you want, but stop making plans that depend on her cooperation.

Clearly she couldn’t care less that you’d made the effort. She’s not a friend and I wouldn’t bother with her . Hopefully you’ve got other people you see?

Message to say missed you last night is everything ok? And see what she replies.
if you don’t like the reply you don’t have to see her again or you can just mentally downgrade the relationship

Never ever prioritise someone who only sees you as an option.

I posted YANBU then did think this afterwards.

I don’t think yabu to want to stop inviting her but I do think you need to check she’s ok.