Friend didn’t show up

You've chased her enough, OP.

She's been letting you know how important you are for a while, by the sounds of it. This really should be the final nail in the coffin.

I wouldn't even wait to see if she messages.

Block her and move on.

She doset need to dump her.
She has already been dumped by the friend.

She's nor that into you op. Stop.being desperate.

Sorry OP, she isn't your friend and you aren't hers either.

This won't be popular but I'm going to say it.

You're persisting because she's good company when you actually see her. That makes her the entertainment. That's your primary reason for continuing to try with her. She's knows this. I've been the 'entertainment' before. When it becomes clear that's your role, you retreat.

Her behaviour has become appalling because you haven't taken the hint. Let it go. You'll meet many people in life who can be close, supportive friends but also great fun. That's what you should really be looking for.

They need to bring back the laughing emoji

Or maybe she's just a mentally healthy selfish git

The only two options are to confront her, or learn from this and going forward only include her in plans that her no show won't affect (parties or larger get togethers). If this is her nature - and not because of an external source like a partner - please don't enable it by always inviting her and never calling her out on it

I agree but from your posts I get the impression that your "friend" is hoping that you won't contact her - thereby letting her off the hook scott free.

I think you should contact her. It's either perhaps she had a row with her DH or he refused to go or anything like realised she was ovulating and is TTC and she didn't know what to say, anything really.

Or she couldn't be arsed and is actively hoping that you won't call her out as she clearly likes an easy life where she never has to explain or apologise.

Ask her simply why she didn't turn up and didn't text to let you know.

See what the reply is.

I suspect she won't reply because she's shown she's a CF Dodger, and people have probably let it drop before which is easier for her and why she does it but at least if you text her she will have seen some consequence. You will have said your piece and she will know that this is now her reputation. At least you will have made her face it.

I don't think it's humiliating to essentially say Hey that was rude, why? Its standing up for yourself.

If you drop it without saying anything she will think she's got away with it, that this was a convenient way for her to deal with you and in a while may come back and expect friendship privileges again and probably do it again.

She is either a really bad friend or she has some mental health issues going on. I think I would send one short message - are you okay? we missed you on Saturday? - then leave it totally for her to come back to you - or not.

I am a flaky friend, but cannot offer any perspective or understanding on your "friend's" shitty behaviour. I'm only sorry that it happened to you, and I hope you still managed to relax and enjoy the lovely Sunday you had created.

It sounds like she's having a laugh at your expense. It would be 'flaky' if she'd forgotten, but she didn't forget, she confirm in the day then CHOSE to not show up.

I'd just block her.

I'd be furious and send something like this
"I can see from your social media that you are alive and well so I can only assume that you got a better offer for Sunday and are simply next level rude to confirm and then not show up. I won't make that mistake again"

Another with a flaky friend here too.

It took me years to realise at the end of the day she was just full of shit tbh. Big promises about coming to this or that. Big promises to my Ds1 (her godchild) but taking him places for a treat (he would get himself ready and she'd never show) followed by ghosting us for months and months. Occasionally she would pop back up and say she was 'busy' or 'depressed' or 'forgot'. I know some people with controlling partners are isolated from friends, but this is most definitely not the case with her having known her for 25 years.

Great fun when you could pin her down. I'm done. I last saw her Christmas 2023 when we bumped into her by chance in the pub when she gave my child again grand promises to take him to something he wanted to go to. I said to him later 'You know it does not mean anything don't you' He agreed he did. Then last week she texted out of the blue to say 'let's catch up'. Did not arrive at where we were supposed to meet.

She's known for it in our friendship circle. There is occasionally a comment about how her word means fuck all. She did text about 2 days later to say something had come up and could we meet up this week. I said no, I no longer had the time to be mucked around'. She responded angrily but I don't give a fuck anymore.

Sadly (for her) I was one of the last friends still happy to catch up if it happened.

Not even 15 posts in and the man gets the blame. Even by Mumsnet's standards, this is quite something!

I wouldn't contact them again and see what happens. Assuming all is well with them (and if they're posting on FB then it probably is), then she's not a true friend. Fine if you see her around, you haven't burnt bridges, but just be casual.

Hi op - do not invite her again - she's incredibly rude and entitled and probably got what for her was "a better offer" - she's superficial and there's no way 8d contact her - keep your self respect and head high and think no more about her.

Absolutely don't send this,that sort of person will likely twist the whole scenario and make you out to be the bad guy,just leave it.

Cut her off

I wouldn't contact them, and see how long it takes for them to reach out to you. Sounds like a very one sided friendship. I wouldn't invite them ever again, unless they had some really good, and honest excuse, which seems very unlikely.

I agree with the other posts saying people are flakey because they get away with it. I have a really flakey friend, but she would never just not show up she would at least have the decency to let me know if she wasn’t going to make it (and she cancels a lot!) Someone who doesn’t even have the decency to let you know they can’t come and just doesn’t show is just outright rude. You will soon realise that ‘Friends’ who only show up when it’s convenient for them are not friends. Don’t bother texting her, if she happens to txt you just reply saying you are upset and disappointed (in saying that I do love the above post idea for a txt) Honestly, dump the friendship, it doesn’t sound like much of one anyway x

Honestly I think you should take control of the narrative here and call her out.

Something straightforward like “I was expecting you to get in touch to apologise for the no show at the weekend. The fact that you havent, despite me checking in ahead of the day is not just bad manners but it suggests you dont place the same value on our friendship as I do. I’m all for being honest and open so I’m letting you know I’ll take a step back from here. All the best”.

I suspect she knows that she is fun and good company and trades off this. This not only gets your feelings across in a measured way but lets her know that there are other parts of her personality that in fact, as a grown up, you are not prepared to tolerate just to be graced with her marvellous company now and again. No one is that desperate.

As you've been reluctant to ditch her, despite previous form, I'd mentally demote her to "casual aqaintance". If you ever bump into her, enjoy it for what it is, but never expect her to behave as a "friend", because she won't.

Classic case of "Charisma Privilege".

Wow. So blatantly rude.

This happened to my friend. Had been friends for years, never let me down. She had been with a new partner for a year or so and gradually was pulling away from me. She stood me up a bunch of times. The last time I was sat in a restaurant waiting for an hour, I texted her saying I was done.

A couple of years later, she contacted me out of the blue to say she’d just left her abusive relationship and that he’d cut her off from everyone (even her parents and siblings). We rebuilt and are now close again. She’s happily married.

Anyway, if I was OP, I’d message the friend to say that I hope she is okay as she didn’t show up for lunch and that you’re there for her if she has a problem. Then leave it at that and not contact her again if the problem is simply that she’s a crap friend.

I would guess because her friend showed her she wasn’t worth turning up for. It is hurtful and embarrassing when a friend shows you up in front of others and you have to make light of it to save face. My exh did this sort of thing repeatedly to me over the years and it left me feeling worthless in the end. Sometimes the people that hurt you the most don’t actually have to throw a punch or say anything nasty.

Happened to me on Saturday too OP. Really pissed me off. I am cutting the person off.