Friend didn’t show up

But truly OP, this behaviour is just unbelievably rude and inconsiderate of her. It is hard to imagine how this could be a difficult decision.

Thank goodness :)

First poster nailed it - reluctantly? Wtf

I used to host a Burns supper every year - it is a January event and I invited some local friends via Christmas card and the woman wrote back in their Christmas card to us that they would love to come. She wrote quite a long piece about how much she was looking forward to it etc.

This was in the early days of mobile phones and I hadn't contacted her since the card, but we bumped into them the morning of the dinner and she declared no knowledge of it.

Her husband seemed very keen to come but they needed to sort out childcare, so they would get back to me. But they never did.

I remember telling a counsellor about this once and she didnt believe me!!

Anyway, I have never spoken to them again. I have crossed the street to avoid her.

I feel your pain.

That’s horrible! And very rude - will your other friend pull her up on it?

Maybe being easy going is actually the issue here, people see it as a free option. That you won’t care and they get away too much. Too often. Boundaries and expectations are important. I say this as someone just like you. I never really mind. But now days I do expect and demand better.

I consider myself very easy going, want to cancel, don’t feel like it..fine. Stand me up, no way.

My best friend (ex) was actually coming to stay with us for 10 days. She never turned up. Rang a week later, was rude, never mentioned the fact she had stood us up, iust kept going on about how busy she was and finding it hard to ‘fit us in’.
I’d left multiple messages as I was concerned something bad had happened. I’ve not spoken to her since.
she’s always been ‘flaky’ always tries to get out of arrangements especially if she feels there is something better available to do. I’d put up with that for 20 years. Fully standing me up with zero apology was the final straw.

When it comes to friendships I’ve learnt to mirror my behaviour towards them with the same energy and effort I receive from them.
I’ve got a friend who does stuff like you are describing and it’s so rude.
Don’t be the one to call first, arrange things first, apologise for having feelings. Sometimes friendships change and it’s time to let them go, I’ve had to do this with a friend of over twenty years because I find her so disrespectful and draining… A shame because we were like family at one point but people change, I know I’m not the same person I was twenty years ago.
Your friend doesn’t sound like a friend in my opinion.

Good idea and yes let us know as we’re invested in this now

Very sensible decision. Contacting her gives her another opportunity to humiliate you. She doesn’t deserve your friendship. I hope you had a nice time with the other couple instead.

I would write and say 'that was a lovely invisibility cloak you were wearing the other day'

then cut the flaky shit from my life

why didn’t you contact her at the time? I wouldn’t have waited long - half an hour after the time I would have called/texted saying ‘X & Y are here I assume you are on your way’. After her non show I would have followed up ‘Well I’m sad you decided not to come and ignore my request to let me know, which was very rude. All the best’. You are not chasing, but you are letting her know that she was rude and that you’re done.

I would also be very upset in this situation. But I'd also want to try to address it with her - perhaps she's in an abusive relationship or had severe mental health problems. Tell her that her actions really hurt you, and ask her if everything is okay. Depending on her reasons/excuse, you can then decide whether you want to continue the friendship.

If you don’t get in touch, you won’t hear from her again, she is not bothered.

Always best to confront these things head on, I would've texted at the time to say "are you still coming? Food is ready

She has been posting on SM. She COULD have got a message to her friend somehow.

Yep, same. I had one who was aways texting me I miss you! Let’s get together! And then flake out. Wtf is that. Just stop.

How did it play out on Saturday? When she was late, did you not contact her asking her if she's on the way, or did you wait a specific time and then just say 'sod it, let's eat'?

I had a friend like this and my last contact was this past NYE. We were hosting a small cocktail party and because she is flaky, I confirmed with her a few days before. She insisted she wanted to see us. I said, would be nice to see you for a drink and nibble, you don’t even have to stay until midnight. She texted late in the evening saying they weren’t coming. I haven’t spoken to her since. And she hasn’t been in touch again. Your friend is sending a really clear message. She doesn’t care about your friendship and I’d bet you would never hear from her again if you drop her.

I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t message her. You don’t need to go straight in with some deep message about how you’re disappointed or betrayed or anything, can’t you just send a breezy “So what happened Saturday then?” If she replies then you can say whatever you want: it was rude/ you can’t understand why she didn’t let you know/ you feel the friendship has run its course, whatever. But seems strange to just leave it as though nothing happened; she should at least be held accountable for her actions.

I had a very flakey friend, I lost patience and simply stopped contacting her. That was 2 years ago, and I haven't heard from her since. She was also very good company (if she turned up) but it was such hard work. I don't miss the aggro.

Whether you mean by reading these replies or due to having a friend that's inconsiderate, flaky and to be fair, from reading your first post...quite happy to blatantly lie to you.

You've no need to feel humiliated.

Take it as part of life's learning along with saying "kitchen's now closed"
If/when she does eventually message you inviting herself over for food.

Friend 2 is notoriously flaky

The other thing is that for ages now, it’s always been me who tries to arrange the meet-ups. Total one way traffic in that regard.

These are both reasons in their own right to reconsider a friendship (I’ve done so on both grounds). Both in one person would be an absolute deal breaker!

For the record, flaky friend got very pissed off with me and decided I was terribly selfish because I didn’t understaaaaaand - she’d cancelled because she was ill (hangover); she was too anxious to meet up with a crowd of people and would have loved to see me one on one (unless she had another of the said hangovers). With friend two, I decided to test out what would happen if I simply stopped making arrangements with her. Eight years on, I’m still waiting for her to organise something…

There's your answer.

I wouldn't text her again - all it does is show her that you find her important enough to contact even though she behaves so badly. Giving her an inflated view of herself as someone who is so 'good to be around' that people will put up with anything.

I would block her and delete.