Friend didn’t show up

I would message her and say that you were very disappointed and food went to waste etc.
Then I would not have anything more to do with her.Very rude.

I am afraid I couldnt leave it just like that. The reason she does this is because no one ever pulls her up on it! I bet for years people (you included) have just rolled their eyes and said "Oh thats Sarah all over!" and let it go.

"Dear X, I am very angry and pissed off at your behaviour on Saturday. To not show up with no call, message or apology is rude and disrepectful. Your flakiness in the past has been bad (and annoying!) enough but to stand me up like that is a step too far. I dont know why you think its acceptable to treat people this way but let me tell you that it isnt! I wont be making any further plans to meet up as frankly, what is the point? You will either cancel last minute like you always do or simply not turn up at all."

Then you will get a sob story that makes you out to be a nasty unfeeling cowbag, which will totally ignore the fact that she has treated you badly for a long time, and didnt bother messaging with an apology and explaination after her made up emergency on Saturday was dealt with. But at least you will have said your piece and it might make her think

You’d rather post here than actually text her and ask why she stood y’all up ?

If it were me I'd be inclined to reach out because even for flaky people this is worrying behaviour and I would worry that something happened.

I had a friend who's bf used to start a massive row before they left the house and then guilt her into staying home to sort it. Thankfully she broke up with him eventually but I would worry about this type of controlling behaviour being the reason. She used to find it really humiliating and hard to explain because essentially it meant lying for him or dealing with our reaction to his behaviour when she wasn't ready to face it.

I know I've also been very flaky (though never stood anyone up) in the past when my mental health was really not good. Never wanted to burden my friends so hadnt told them and just showed up when I felt I could be the fun friend they deserved. I'm very grateful to the ones who stuck with me even though they weren't aware how bad things were. One of my friends did speak to me about it directly and I felt able to tell her where i was actually at and I really appreciated that she cared enough about me and the friendship to be honest about how she was feeling and the impact it had on her instead of just ghosting me or talking about me. And it actually helped me see that turning up in bad form was better for my friendships (and my own head) than not turning up.

I don't think I could continue the friendship in good faith without addressing it in some way for your own closure. You don't need to be angry or nasty about it but I would be direct and say you were really worried about her when she didn't show for lunch and ask what happened. I would actually do it over the phone so you can ask follow up questions, better still in person but that might be harder to arrange. Texts are too easy to ignore.

I don't think her behaviour is normal, I think it's rare for people to be that self absorbed for no reason.

I had a "friend" that used to do this, gave them a few chances and then just never invited them to anything again. End of the "friendship" but their behaviour demonstrated that they weren't really a friend at all. You won't miss her

I think if it was me I would accept that this is who she is - really fun, not reliable. I need some fun in my life so I would keep her.
If she was more reliable she would be less spontaneous and less her.
She knows she's not reliable, she probably doesn't like letting people down and that's why she doesn't get in touch to apologise.
I would contact her when I want to, not expect her to pull her weight in that department and not get frustrated about that. I would definitely make low stakes plans and not cook for her. See you if I see you approach.

Absolutely leave her too it .. no texts no calls .. no invites.
She has zero respect for your time and effort totally out of order.
Just because she is good company doesn't make her a good person.
Who would want a friend like this.

Wow this is beyond rude and I’d definitely not be friends with someone who did that to me!

YANBU and you should definitely give up on this "friendship" (as she plainly has) but you should have the last word on it by posting on her SM something like:
"Phew, you haven't died! Given that I I invited you and DP over for lunch on Saturday, which you accepted, and then I checked with you on Saturday morning as I would cook less food or invite other friends in your places if you couldn't make it, and you told me you were definitely coming and then you didn't show up or contact me with an explanation or apology (then or since), but are happily posting on here, I can only assume you have a chronic bout of rudeness. Hope you recover soon."

Tbh if my friend had committed to dinner with me and didnt show, didnt message. Id panic.. was there an accident... was she hurt... heartbroken... hospitalised.

If its been 2 days and this is just standard silence from her, she isnt your friend.

Some friendships only work if you make no special effort. If you go to trouble and the other person doesn't care, then it will always leave bad feeling.

In which case, are they really a friend? 🤷‍♀️

You do not call her, text her and the next time she contacts you - blank her totally.

Downright rude. Being "flakey" isn't an excuse either...

I have previously made the mistake of staying friends with flaky, selfish people who were fun to be around and it never ended well! They both eventually ending up doing or saying something really hurtful that made me realise they weren’t real friends and only cared about themselves. I wouldn’t bother wasting any more of your time or energy on someone like this.

She’s unbelievably rude. What the fuck is wrong with her that she thinks she can behave like that and get away with it? Mindblowing.

This "friend" has no manners.

She diesn't sound much if a friend to me.

Ler her govand find some proper friends who will value abd appreciate you.

👍🌻😻

It does seem a bit rude and odd. But if she's ridiculously flaky then that's her ways I guess?

Could she have just thought she was one of many and it was a more casual 'open house, pop round if you can, xyx are here..'

I do know people like that. It's not malicious and can be to do with MH.

I guess you know if you invite them it's less than 50/50 they'll show.

I wouldn't reach out to her again. She is clearly a very selfish and rude person and she has no respect for you. I would never invite her anywhere again even if she does eventually contact you. If she does reach out, I'd use that as my opportunity to tell her off.

The mere fact that you kept confirming if she was coming shows that you know in your heart who she really is. You feared this exact outcome. She will only ever continue to disappoint you. Given that you say that you have been the one always reaching out to her, I think it's time to accept that she doesn't value your friendship. Ask yourself why you would want someone who treats you this way in your life. Give your energy to people who actually care about you.

Please do and sorry for you - I have a friend like this who is so spectacularly rude but we all laugh and say she’s fun. I’ve just about had enough after so many incidences. The last was she pretended to be out of town and then said yes to another party on a separate group chat I happened to be on! I think the difference for me now possibly versus you is that I feel completely used - she’s “taken over” several nice friends of mine and they all go out, and she only wants to meet when really there’s something in it for her. Wow as I write that I’m thinking what am I doing here! Good luck too OP, ditch! 🤗

My daughter had a friend like that cancelling at the last minute or not turning up at all. She cut all ties with her after she didn't turn up at an event that meant a lot to my daughter. The friend is constantly trying to rekindle their friendship but she's had her chances and blown them

Then take the hint and stop. She doesn’t care about you. At all.

We used to be friends with a couple like this - once hosted a small bbq (8 adults plus assorted young children at the time) and checked and double checked they were coming, then they said they were running late - everyone was starving so we were calling them telling them we were going to eat - yes yes we are on our way, saved them food - felt rude for eating - finally the male turned up alone just as our other guests were leaving - it had started at 2pm, this was around 7:30pm - the female had gone home tired as they had been at a friends an hour away all day for another party - I was flabbergasted that they hadn’t mentioned being double booked (or had since our invite had a better offer) and continued to say they were on their way all day knowing full well they were an hours drive away at another event. I genuinely think they thought they could do both and nobody would notice but then just ended up missing ours. Needless to say they were never invited anywhere ever again. They are not missed.

No need to make a big deal out of ‘giving up on the friendship’. Just don’t make the kind of arrangements that she’s going to not show to, unless it doesn’t make any difference if she doesn’t. Invite her to drinks, not to dinner.

Years back a colleague got very excited about a party I was planning, even getting involved in the planning herself. I was looking forward to seeing her there.

She didn’t turn up and wasn’t answering her phone. I was really worried. She’d been so enthusiastic, I could only assume something terrible had happened. Eventually I got a message at about 5pm the next day saying “Soz, had a heavy night on Friday and slept til late”.

I haven’t contacted her since.