Friend didn’t show up

Sorry. I’m all out of sympathy on this one. I infer from your story that you are as ‘flaky’ as your so called friend. You deserve each other. Stop pussyfooting around. Confront her about her rudeness. Have a damned good slanging match. Then get over yourselves.

I’m sorry OP that’s beyond rude. Personally I would message her calling out her behaviour rather than her as a person. You shouldn’t need to, but some people need reminding you have standards and your time is as precious as theirs.
I wouldn’t be rude/confrontational but more factual. I’m not sure I’d ever contact her again though after that.

Huni you need to want better for yourself

I had the opposite of this i had a friend who was and is not capable of being that open and on reflection is highly controlling about when and how we meet as adults and women I found it baffling that she could not understand that if we only had a friendship around meet ups then in my mind we weren't friends she was a lunch buddy. Nothing in between and she unlike me wasn't a phone person. In her head I think she thought I should be as effusive about social event as I was about what I thought was my friendship with her. I think she's rude for not cancelling I dont think you were friends if this situation ends your friendship, if you were friends this should cause a conversation. Maybe you misunderstood aspects of your relationship. Do whats best for you but be ckear whats normal interchange with other people.

Blocking is childish and pointless IMO. It's the messaging equivalent of kids going up to each other in the playground and saying 'I'm not your fwend any more.' If you don't want someone in your life any more, just stop contacting them. Simples.

If she wasn't unavoidably detained by illness or accident never invite her again.

Voted YABU solely because you should have shifted this "friend" long ago!

Yes.

Why is it always the flaky ones training as counsellors. I've heard this so.many times..

Yes now I will tell people that I get terribly anxious about going places and events. But in my younger days I didn't and just wouldn't turn up, looking back it was very rude of me but i don't think I actually understood myself that it was anxiety. ive not read the full thread so not sure of ops updates about her friend.

I had (still have) the same issue. But as you say, it is far better understood and accepted now.
So thats why I am coming down on the side of her just being utterly self absorbed and not really caring about anyone but herself.

If she told the OP that she had social anxiety and sometimes had panic attacks before events, the OP strikes me as someone who would understand, try to help and be kind. But she has never done that.

She just doesnt give a shiney shite about anyone but herself and will ditch the OP and others for a better offer.

ETA weirdly though.....my anxiety (people pleasing I guess) led to me accepting every invitation even if I didnt want to. Going even though I was eating myself inside out with fear. Hating it (as my initial reaction of "Fuck no, I do not want to do that!" was right!) and then regretting all of it. Self hatred and fear of others is a hard one.

Anxiety isn’t an excuse to be rude. Many people have anxiety without being inconsiderate arseholes.

Im ashamed to admit i was a bit of a flaky friend many years ago in my late teens/twenties. I would be invited out and often not turn up, but for me it wasn't that I didn't want to go or was a rubbish friend, it was anxiety that stopped me going. I really wish I'd not been like that as I missed out on so much in my youth because of it.
Anxiety wasn't spoken about or recognised as much back then. I'd promise friends I'd turn up at their parties or nights out and once the day arrived I just couldn't face it and I'd end up sat home watching tv. makes me feel so sad now thinking back.
Im still a terrible anxiety sufferer now and occasionally still miss out on things but I have learnt to manage it much better than in my youth, plus theres a better understanding of it these days.
Could your friend possibly bottle out of meet ups due to anxiety?

This.

And indeed, try to remove the ‘reluctant’ from your framing.

There was one like this in my friend group. She wanted everything arranged to suit her, then would drop out for no reason. I tried to be sympathetic, maybe she had problems? But it really upset another mutual friend, who actually did have a lot of problems. Anyway, the flaky woman has since trained as a counsellor/therapist, so no doubt she'll be an expert on narcissist behaviour.
On the plus side she chose not to have kids-I personally don't mind someone messing me about, particularly if it's a group and I'm not that close to the individual, but I hate it when parents are flaky and kids get upset by plans being cancelled for no good reason.

How bizarre, a text message takes seconds! I agree that you should wait until (if) she contacts you!

Unless they both died- no excuse . Ditch

Block her number and move on.

You know, sometimes if one particular person has always been the one to organise things then other people can feel they dont want to cut in on that. I had a situation like that.. One particular person always organised the group. We all always had a great time but it always felt very much like her group and she was in charge.. Not in a bad way. Like I said, we all alwyas enjoyed the meet ups. But I just would never have felt comfortable organising them. So if you are a person who always organises then I think its worth thinking about the .message that gives to the group. Sometimes you have to be explicit if you want other people to organise because people aren't mindreaders..

I hate flaky people. It is beyond rude not to tell you she wasn't coming and to apologise.

I would just stop contacting her.

She isn't a friend, she's a cheeky, bad-mannered fucker

I wouldn’t make a big deal of it. I’d just let the friendship die on its arse. Doesn’t sound like she’ll do much to salvage it.

I stopped chasing people about 5 years ago when I was having a bad time. It’s amazing how many people drop out of your life.
I have an ex friend who keeps saying to a mutual friend she runs into that I need to contact HER to catch up. She won’t contact me, she always expects someone else to contact/organise meet ups. So it won’t ever happen.

It's a shame..She probably did feel.like that about you when she actually was with you. I just think some people are really bad at organising their lives. It doesn't mean she disrespected you necessarily.. But I can see from your point of view that it would have been very annoying.

Why haven't you read her her fortune?

You gave her an Out which she didn't take and both her and her husband were extremely rude

I'd have told her what I thought and then cut her off