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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend didn’t show up

259 replies

icelolly46 · 22/07/2025 04:49

I invited two friends and their partners over for a late lunch last Saturday. Friend 2 is notoriously flaky but said she and her partner would be there. That morning, I sent a text to confirm she was still coming and to let me know asap if not as I would cook less food or invite another friend in her place (we have a small flat so only space for six people comfortably). She said yes definitely. It got to lunchtime, Friend 1 and her partner arrived and Friend 2 didn’t show. No explanation, no apology, nothing. Two days later I still haven’t heard from her. She does have form for this - she will often cancel last minute. But to not even let me know, especially after my text that morning, feels particularly hurtful. AIBU to think I should reluctantly give up on this friendship?

OP posts:
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katzman · 22/11/2025 09:15

Yeah, bin her off. Surprised you need to ask anyone else’s opinion on this one.

Skibbgirl · 28/07/2025 11:35

I think you've already recognised that this 'friendship' isn't worth your effort any more. In your position, I would be less inclined to extend any such invitations to her and, if you meet up in a larger social circle, it will be up to her to address the 'elephant in the room' and either apologise to you or offer a very good explanation of why she failed to be courteous and polite about her lack of appearance. If she says nothing, you have your answer - she really doesn't respect you.

pineapplesundae · 26/07/2025 21:49

j don’t invite her to anything else.

katzman · 26/07/2025 20:24

Absolutely. If the boot were on the other foot I daresay she’d be well hacked off. How often does she invite you and others over to her place for the same? Send her into hyperspace and don’t waste your time on selfish, thoughtless individuals.

salsapasta · 26/07/2025 19:20

just don't ask her again, simples

Marieb19 · 26/07/2025 19:19

A real friend would not do this. Some people are not worth the emotional angst and thus woman is in this category. Remove her.

LubyLooTwo · 26/07/2025 18:02

Doesn't that tell you she isn't interested in you. Time to dump her.

Arctician · 25/07/2025 19:39

I inferred from the content of OP’s story. Fairly self explanatory. And a good counterpoint to many of the responses recommending terminating friendship or creating ‘distance’. And OP appears to have taken my contribution in reasonable spirit, unlike your good self. We’ll simply have to agree to differ. 🤝

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 24/07/2025 22:55

Arctician · 24/07/2025 07:16

Sorry. I’m all out of sympathy on this one. I infer from your story that you are as ‘flaky’ as your so called friend. You deserve each other. Stop pussyfooting around. Confront her about her rudeness. Have a damned good slanging match. Then get over yourselves.

Where on earth have you inferred that from? I’ve reread all of OP’s posts and can find nothing to suggest she’s remotely flakey. Also, a slanging match is never “good”, what a strange thing to suggest.

Original poster
icelolly46 · 24/07/2025 22:23

And thank you everyone else for your replies and advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
icelolly46 · 24/07/2025 22:22

Arctician · 24/07/2025 07:16

Sorry. I’m all out of sympathy on this one. I infer from your story that you are as ‘flaky’ as your so called friend. You deserve each other. Stop pussyfooting around. Confront her about her rudeness. Have a damned good slanging match. Then get over yourselves.

Thank you for the laugh - I needed that 😂

OP posts:
Chinsupmeloves · 24/07/2025 17:50

People who do this are so selfish. Anyone with some respect knows the time and effort put into prep for hosting. Downright rude, wouldn't

cramptramp · 24/07/2025 14:50

I’d never speak to her again. Flakey is just another word for inconsiderate. You don’t need her in your life. I’d block her on all sm too.

TheGrimSmile · 24/07/2025 13:34

I'd have sent her a message asking where the fuck she is and telling her she's fucking rude!

CruCru · 24/07/2025 13:26

Arran2024 · 24/07/2025 12:06

In my experience, flaky friends do show up for the most important people - they know not to p**s them off. They let lower tier friends down all the time though and are furious if you let them down, even for good reason.

This is true. Flaky people turn up for new friends or people they want to impress - she’d have brought wine and flowers.

Arran2024 · 24/07/2025 12:06

In my experience, flaky friends do show up for the most important people - they know not to p**s them off. They let lower tier friends down all the time though and are furious if you let them down, even for good reason.

Petlover9 · 24/07/2025 11:59

Isitreallysohard · 22/07/2025 04:58

Why don't you confront her about this? That's beyond rude, but also on you if she has form for it and you let her get away with it. Spoiler alert, she's no friend.

As you have other friends OP I would just write her off. She has no manners and sounds very selfish.

Rednotdead · 24/07/2025 11:41

I’m so sorry, this must be so upsetting for you, but obviously friend 2 doesn’t value your friendship, don’t waste anymore time on her.

TheWorthyGreenDreamer · 24/07/2025 11:19

Daygloboo · 23/07/2025 23:52

Yes.

Show quote history

I have serious anxiety disorders and have suffered for decades.

I've never once not turned up at anything and left people waiting. I'd always cancel beforehand and apologise.

Anxiety has damaged my life but it's not an excuse for being rude.

MomGran · 24/07/2025 11:09

It is time to let her go. As others have said here, she isn't your friend.
Whatever her issue, you just need to concentrate on you and the friends who show up for you in every sense. You sound awesome btw!

MellersSmellers · 24/07/2025 10:56

How rude and how hurtful. Yes unfortunately I do think you should give e up on that friendship and contact her to tell her so.

allmymonkeys · 24/07/2025 10:11

You don't have to give up on the entire friendship. Just give up on inviting her to things if it matters whether she turns up or not.

And it wouldn't be unreasonable to express your annoyance and ask her to explain her no show after her definite yes. Though a "so wheretf are you?" text at the time would have been more assertive.

Maddy70 · 24/07/2025 08:39

I would send her the atroppiest message about how she doesn't value your relationship or time and money spent on providing food for her

McTing · 24/07/2025 07:59

I would just be cutting ties, do not waste time and effort on people who clearly do not care about you.
She is not a friend, if she accepts your invitation and says she will be there and then just ignorantly does not turn up!

Soberinthecity · 24/07/2025 07:53

Flaky friends are so annoying....I would just downgrade the friendship. People show you what they think of you by their actions, not their words. The fact that this is the norm for her means your expectations of her are too high; just don't invite her in future. Are there other situations when she is a good friend? If not, just let it go. I have a friend like that and I have come to realise that she is someone I can talk to every now and then - sometimes with months and months gone by. But I have learned that she is not an everyday 'mate' on whom I can rely - That's ok....I have to respect that that's how she is. Now I don't rely on her in that way, I can't ever be disappointed in her, and it leaves room for another person who can fulfill my friendship 'needs'.