Would you be hurt by this or am I a twat

34 replies

myfitbitisfucked · 22/07/2025 00:25

Have a very important appointment in person in two weeks. During a conversation tonight with a relative I asked if they would be ok with looking after my child, but no worries if not as a friend has offered to do so if I drop them off. Said I just needed to know but no big deal. Their response was “Well it’s not exactly as if I have any choice is it”. It’s really hurt me and I have just said so and that I’ve got alternative arrangements so will pursue those. Apparently I am being over the top and pushing them to say sorry when they have done nothing wrong.
if I am indeed a twat please feel free to tell me. Life recently has left me very doubtful as to my self worth and authority to set boundaries in any relationship context

OP posts:

Flippityflopflip · 22/07/2025 03:11

Your relative agreed to look after your child, however ungracious their response. Maybe, you caught them at a wrong time hence their response.

But you had a choice also just to remember your own manners even if they forgot theirs and just say "thank you".

Or if you took umbrage at their response, you could have just said "it's okay, I'll just take DC to my friend instead". No need to get in a spat, demanding or expecting apologies from your relative, because next time you need them and there isn't anyone else available you know what the answer will be. A hard NO.

AbzMoz · 22/07/2025 02:56

I would not force an apology or accuse someone who’s presumably helped me in the past of being a twat… I would just chalk it up to that relative being stressed right now and move on if it is no big deal / you’ve sort other help.

I also might not be so forthcoming with future help for someone who demanded an apology / blew up over this. You’re right to set boundaries and clarify your position, but perhaps this wasn’t the time to force it?

mathanxiety · 22/07/2025 02:21

You are not the twat here.

Kleptronic · 22/07/2025 00:49

They had the choice to politely say yes or no. They chose passive aggressiveness. You had a choice. You've made a choice - now step out of this dynamic, it is not positive for anyone.

anon12345anon · 22/07/2025 00:48

Yanbu 100% x

ToKittyornottoKitty · 22/07/2025 00:38

They were rude, pushing them for an apology is also a little rude and pointless. If they were sorry they would say so, they aren’t so why push them into saying it?

Vaxtable · 22/07/2025 00:38

YANBU. Your relatives a twat not you

i would be taking a step back from them

Pleasegodgotosleep · 22/07/2025 00:28

Absolutely 💯 not you being unreasonable!

AtrociousCircumstance · 22/07/2025 00:27

That was a mean thing for them to say to you. YANBU. Or sensitive.

I’m not surprised you’re seeking other support.

Tell them it’s up to them if they want to apologise or not, but their response felt unkind and you will seek help elsewhere.

Unflip

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