Is this abuse or is he mentally unwell

This is clear cut abuse and the reasons are totally irrelevant. Even if it was mental illness - and it's not - it's not your job to let a man, or any other human, shit on you for any reason.

I asked the police exactly the same question.

Their response was does he behave his way with everyone, or just you?

I'm guessing I know the answer.

I tried to justify him, I was home the most so obviously I got it in the neck the most etc.

No was the police's response. He has control, he chooses to behave this way, despite knowing the impact it has.

You wouldn't treat him this way I am sure.

Leave him, even if it is hard, as this behaviour gets worse & can take a lifetime to recover from.

Good luck.

Totally agree with this

You don’t know what you want, so I’m going to tell you what you need. You need to tell him to leave and never come back. There is no cure, or help for his behaviour. You need to end this relationship today. It’s not healthy, and it won’t ever get any better.

You've become a door mat and I'm afraid after all this you will not leave him as you're too used to him and have accepted him for what he is. Break yourself free from this vicious cycle and leave him, everything you have said about him indicates how abusive he is and how you've let him carry on, no wonder he never changes it's you who needs to change and put a stop to it and refuse to be treated like this. Thing is I got a feeling you won't

Go easy @SpryUmberZebra
I don't disagree with anything you say about him, but OP can't be expected to completely change her approach and personality over the course of a short post on this forum. She's been worn down and treated like shit by him for most of her adult life, and she says above that this is basically the first time she's felt that she wants to break the cycle and feels differently. That's huge.
Let's not pretend it's as easy as LTB when you have had one constant in your adult life, have lost friends etc.

Having said all that OP, it will be worth the pain and effort, a hundred times over. Think back to that missed opportunity you mentioned when you nearly split years ago. You don't need to miss that opportunity again, you can make up for the regret. You're still so young!

I’ve read your responses and you're doing a good job of avoiding posts that tell you to run for your life and continue to go on and on about if he has a mental illness or rant over and over about what he is doing.

It comes across like you’re deflecting and will do nothing about it once you’re done ranting which is unfortunate.

I do hope you have the strength to leave but I’ve seen it so many times where women will find a way to rationalize staying, for you it’s probably a false assumption that since it’s a mental issue you may be able to get him help and change him but no you can’t change him.

And even if you did get him to change I wouldn’t want anything to do with his family who sound like a bunch of horrible drunk enablers.

I will say it once again start working on your exit plan and stop trying to justify or explain why he is such an abusive piece of shit. And whilst you’re at it get some therapy to figure out why you will lower yourself to accept such a degree of abuse and control from an abusive drunk useless man.

Ultimately, it doesn't really matter whether he truly believes the crap he's coming out with about you. What matters is -
This is YOUR LIFE
You deserve to be happy
No-one deserves to be treated like that.

Take the first step towards ending the relationship, phone Women's Aid. You don't need to leave your house. He can move out and start paying his own way for a change, it won't be your problem any more.

Do you have any money? A safe place to go for a short while, hopefully rent a room.
I'd rather live on a tent than live with a highly aggressive, abusive, persecutor.
You need a safe place to go. 💐

Please find the strength to walk away. He is going to get worse, hell has no bottom living like this.
You must feel so upset and confused. You won't see how heartbreaking your post is, while you are in the situation.
Your situation is probably my worst nightmare for my DD.
Mental abuse is horrendous on the victim.

Who cares what’s wrong with him, this is LTB territory whatever his damn problem is.

Sorry that last sentence came out wrong. Im feeling your intense sadness and numbness and like you have admitted defeat in life. Please dont. You are only 27! Things can only get better!

You are going to love your 30s if you leave this guy. Do you have kids? Why have you stayed? Reading your posts are depressing me.

Have you noticed all your posts are about him, what he does, what he says etc. This needs to change so that your thoughts become all about you - what you want to do, how you want to be etc. I think it’s time for him to go. If the tenancy is in your name there is no reason for him to stay. From what you have said I cannot see one benefit to your life from him being there.

You’re only 27 and you’ve already wasted your 20’s being abused by this absolute piece of shit.

He is a repulsive subhuman cunt. You have to stop making excuses for his disgusting behaviour and tell him to go. You’ll be better off as you’re already bankrolling this scummy cocklodger.

Hes not a man, he’s an absolute cretin who has worn you down so much that your self esteem is in the gutter.

Change the locks, tell him not to come back and don’t waste any more of your life on this wanker.

You're 27!?

OP this is actually great news. You sound totally lovely, smart, and like you have your head screwed on. I bet you're a caring friend and you'd be an amazing partner for someone who was caring back to you.

You have loads of time to have a happy life. Way more than you think. You're so young and you've made a breakthrough now. Also you are not financially dependant on him, married, and as I understand it you don't share children. You can have a clean break from this waste of space.

You have seen how he treats you when you're kind to him and his family - like shit. You've seen how he treats you when you've had major surgery and need to rest - like a servant. He would be a terrible life partner. You'd be better off alone, but I'm guessing you won't be for long if you don't want to be because you have loads to give.

Well done on taking the first step to your new life without this deadweight. Stay strong x

Take the money FGS! At least get something out of the pain you've had to endure.
I'm confused as to how he's sending the money if he lives with you. Doesn't he just give it to you in person?

Numbness is a trauma response and self defence mechanism.

Never mind about the why
The fact that he does it is enough
Nobody deserves this shit

Focus on the practical side. Who owns your house? If you rent, whose name is on the lease?

You need to make a plan, and follow it.

It is not your job to fix him, he's an abusive piece of shit.

What do you want?

There's a quote (I don't know the author) that goes; you can't change another person, but you can destroy your life trying.
Don't destroy your life. He doesn't want help or to change but if he did it would have to come from his efforts and not from yours.

And how quickly can you get out of the tenancy?

He’s only paying £200 per month towards a household which costs £1400??

This is all good news. Just get out of the tenancy and get somewhere on your own.