Is this abuse or is he mentally unwell

Doesn't matter if he's mentally ill or just an abusive prick - or both. It's not your problem and you will never, ever change him. Things won't get better but I can assure you they will get much, much worse. You are only 27 years old, you've got your whole life ahead of you. Is this what you want? To be treated like piece of worthless shit. Is that how you see yourself? How will you feel at 47 when you wake up and realise you've wasted your best years of your life? Leave now before it's too late.

He’s just a horrible abusive person. Who cares if he is mentally unwell on top of this - it’s the same outcome for you!

Prepare to leave and do it. He will destroy your life. That’s their sole aim - there is no reasoning with them, pleading, hoping they change. They are destructive bastards who look for victims who will please, submit and get walked on. Don’t look back OP!

Nailed it.

Why are you with him? Get yourself a good man..best wishes.

I think he actually hates you. Please end things. You pay for everything yourself anyway.

You say he’s dependent on you by choice. He’s not, the only choice he’s made is to treat you like dirt, & manipulate you so cruelly that you run to him to apologise.

Don’t wait, you don’t need to read anymore books or take anymore advice. Make him, his revolting friends & family your past.

Is he older than you OP? You say you’ve been with him since you were 19/20

Even if he's mentally ill you don't have to stick around. No one should treat you that way.

You're so young at 27, you have your whole life ahead of you. Do not waste any more time on this loser. He is never going to change. He is taking you for a mug, he clearly doesn't want to be with you. He is using you to fund him.
Sorry if that sounds harsh but this is not a relationship. No amount of past trauma would excuse his behaviour. Get out and get out quickly. Speak to your landlord and give notice that you are going to leave him and end the tenancy and make plans to leave asap. And completely cut ties with this man and his family. Do not waste any more of your life on him.

Do you have family you could stay with? Can you rent a room in a house? Get far away and stay far away and block him and all contact with him.

You know this is abusive don't you? And his family are enabling it. If it's your house chuck him out. If not leave.

This could be written by my DD OP. But she’s younger than you. You say you can’t go to your family because they are fed up with how it affects them. I’m sure if you want to leave, they will help you break this cycle. He won’t change and you need to get yourself to a place where he cant manipulate you. That house isn’t it.

OP, it doesn’t matter why he behaves the way he does, or whether he believes the awful things he says. Those are not your puzzles to solve. Your ONLY responsibility is towards yourself.

You are responsible for making decisions that will result in a happy, peaceful life for you.

That’s it. His problems, his drug use, his behaviour, his habit of pissing on the carpet in his own home, the way he chooses to treat people, are his problems to solve, not yours.

The only problem you need to solve is how to get from where you are now, to a peaceful life for you that doesn’t involve someone who likes to piss on carpets.

Contact the landlord, ask for him to be taken off the tenancy because of his abuse of you.
Ring Women's aid for advice too.

27? What a waste of a life.
Do not inflict this user loser ever on a child.

He's a druggy, tell you landlord the truth.

How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one but the lightbulb has to really want to change.

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Gently, it's an abusive relationship and it's colouring every part of how you see yourself. He won't change unless he wants to change, and he doesn't want to change. There is nothing on this earth that you can do to make him change. The only thing you can change is your life.

Women's Aid would be a good place to start. 'AIBU' can be a tough crowd; you might find it useful to start a separate thread in the 'Relationships' board called 'How do I leave my abusive partner' and you'll get loads of practical and emotional support about the next steps.

Nobody can help you if you won't accept what is in front of you.
You know this behaviour is not rational or reasonable.
You know you are being used as a cash cow and a domestic slave.
Why should he stop it when you accept the abuse all the time and does exactly what he wants?
Stop making excuses for him and start looking at what you can do to stop being his doormat and punching bag.
Move out! Cut him off! Go cold turkey and get a life whilst you are young enough to do so.

It will only take as much time as you let it.

You can end it today. Your life will improve immediately. His life is his problem, not yours.

If you wait for the day when you wake up thinking, "Today is the day it feels right to end it," that won't ever come. In fact, the longer you stay, the longer you'll have been entrenched in this and the harder it will be to leave and then you'll have even more years to look back on saying, "This is all I've known since I was 19/20."

The biggest thing that keeps women trapped in relationships is finances. You're already paying for everything so this doesn't apply to you.

The sooner you end it, the sooner you can start healing and the sooner you can crack on with creating the life you want.

You will likely benefit from therapy yourself after this experience so you need to allow yourself time to do that.

Your life will begin whenever you decide you want it to. You're obviously not going to do it today so I'd be thinking, by September, he'll be gone. That way, I go into autumn, winter, Christmas making my own life for me and am ready to hit the ground running with my new life in 2026. Spend the next few weeks making plans for your new life. Stop researching emotional abuse and start researching hobbies, interests and things you want for yourself.

Get busy living, OP, or get busy dying (ie sacrificing your own life and happiness to this man). The choice is yours.

You can't help him. Nobody can help him. He has to choose to get help and accept that help himself. Leave or kick him out depending on whose house/flat it is. Do it (or at least begin the process) NOW.

I usually think Mumsnet is too trigger happy with LTB, but not this time. Do you still want to be living like this in ten years' time?

Stop looking for reasons not to end it.

If your partner was having delusions, they're very convenient ones that leave him thinking he's always in the right and you're always in the wrong.

FFS, stop apologising when he tells you he's dumping you, say "Fine, I'll pack your things up, when are you going to collect them?". However, unless he leaves willingly, you are going to have to give your landlord notice that you won't be on the joint tenancy any more, and you need to look for your own place ASAP.

When I finally called the police on my partner I told the police that his behaviour was likely to be due to his mental health. The cop told me that domestic violence usually is. It was the first time anyone ever told me that his behaviour was domestic violence.

Your relationship is abusive. You can’t help him. If you’re working and paying for him then there is no reason for you to stay with him. Financially you can afford to support yourself.

Be very careful when you leave him. Don’t tell him. Don’t give him an opportunity to hurt you. You do everything in secret and get out while he’s away from the house. If it’s your house then get a restraining order and turf him out.

Please don’t waste anymore of your life with this abuser. He’s absolutely vile.
What practical advise do you need right now to help you to leave?

he has destroyed your self confidence. Leave him and block his number. Let him go back to his share house or his mother or whoever. Once you are on your own you will be able to make friends and have a social life.

He’s 100% abusive to you, & that’s all that matters. You can’t change or help him, he’s a horror show & he’s ruining your life.

No need for a big discussion or argument, just quietly make arrangements to get yourself out.

Think about how you envisaged a relationship when you were young? Was it with a vile drunken creep like this? You’re not his saviour: eventually he’ll destroy you.