Is this abuse or is he mentally unwell

Well yeah, perhaps he does "truly believe" that women are put on earth to be the slaves of men. But do you want to be with a man who believes that?

Even if he weren't abusive (he is, obviously), if you want to end a relationship, you're allowed to. You're allowed to feel whatever you feel. You're allowed to leave a situation that makes you miserable. Leave. Stop worrying about what he thinks and decide what you think. Do you think this is what you deserve? Ditch this waste of space, and don't worry about what he believes or what he does, ever again. Not your problem.

One more thing, OP. If you can, read the book 'Living with the Dominator' it is a quick easy read and will really give you clarity that what you are dealing with is indeed abuse.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Dominator-About-Freedom-Programme/dp/0955882702/ref=mpssa111?crid=2SYVRE8B0RUU6&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.1LJP8ue51yMTjBmChyu51Q7Jpuus-SqVA4RLkooSw6ln-lLkzX-bTDNBOP7MUoQd.ThnyqhY1cLgMvGai5pEuqQUZjhRUT94RGTFQkZdRyn0&dib_tag=se&keywords=living+with+the+dominator&qid=1753718176&sprefix=living+witb+the%2Caps%2C68&sr=8-1

That is definitely abuse. People in a healthy relationship don't tell each other they are lazy, call each other names or scream.

I mean, if one of these things happened once in a blue moon, I might not think too much, especially if the perpetrator apologised sincerely. This sounds like a regular pattern of communication and is therefore abuse.

Oh and insisting that you apologise is a classic abuser tactic.

OP, please contact Women's Aid and ideally also your GP. Both were very supportive of me. Also there could be local domestic abuse organisations which your GP would know about .

He isn't ill, he's a nasty bastard. Best medicine for him, your rapid departure to a much nicer life.

Hi, this sounds abusive OP. It may be abuse caused by mental illness but it is still abuse. Look after yourself first.

Why on earth are you putting up with this shit??!!

He's abusive and probably a narcissist. Read a book called 'it's not you.' I hope you leave him

As the house is rented, and you are the one paying for everything, I suggest that instead of trying to get him to leave, you just leave. It will be simpler and safer.
Think of it as making a whole new life for yourself. You don't want to stay in a place with so many miserable memories.

Are you particularly attached to any of the furniture for sentimental reasons? If not, great. If there is anything you want to keep, ask a friend or family member to look after it, or hire one of those storage units. Tell him you have sent it for repair or re-painting, or make up some other story.

Then pack up your personal belongings, and move out. To an Air BnB if you can't find a new place straight away.
Do it in secret, don't tell him in advance, and don't tell him where you have gone for your own safety. Send one text to say it is over, then block him on all forms of communication.
Phone the landlord and give notice to take your name off the tenancy. You will probably have to wave goodbye to your deposit, but it will be worth it to be free.

Then phone the utilities (gas, electric, TV licence, etc) and the council tax office, and likewise get your name taken off everything (collect account numbers, phone contacts etc. before you leave, and read the meters).

You may have to temporarily go into debt - put stuff on a credit card for a few months until you get sorted. After a while, you will be surprised how much further your money goes without him leeching off you.

Just leave him. He’s an abusive wanker either way.

OP, he may well believe that it's laziness that stops you, post op, leaping up off the sofa and washing all his clothes. But does it matter what he believes? He knows that if he's unpleasant enough to you, you will comply with his wishes to keep the peace, so he keeps on doing it. He has no interest in your relationship, he has no interest in you, your health or your happiness. He just wants everything to go his way, and he will berate you until this happens.

This isn't how relationships are supposed to be. Trust me on that. You need to get away from him and then you will start to understand how badly you've been treated.

I was you,.living a very similar life. I thought it was my fault and questioned myself. Then, finally, after I had counselling, I asked him to leave.
Now I feel like myself again. I spent 25 years being told I was stupid, controlling, nagging etc.
Leave and be free, it's amazing x

I was you,.living a very similar life. I thought it was my fault and questioned myself. Then, finally, after I had counselling, I asked him to leave.
Now I feel like myself again. I spent 25 years being told I was stupid, controlling, nagging etc.
Leave and be free, it's amazing x

Please please leave. Or throw him out. He may have mental health issues but it’s of no relevance. He is abusive and he doesn’t like you. I’m not surprised your family hate him and I can see why they must feel frustrated that you stay with him.
Have you any other issues such as MH issues or addictions etc. It can make it harder to leave someone if you have other things going on?
If possible I’d speak to Woman’s Aid or Refuse or one of the other charities that deal with domestic abuse.

Good luck.

You’re being abused. It will not get better. Do you want to live the rest of your life like this?
Make your escape plan now and look forward to a new peaceful and happy future.

Well done @Muffinmam !!! I was on your other thread. Are you enjoying life without this utter demon?

Please leave. Seek some support from woman’s aid first. My suggestions would be to get everything important out of your house before you tell him. Take your stuff to friends and family. Example- old photos, passport, financial paperwork and any keepsakes.

Email your landlord and explain you’re in an abusive relationship (because you are!) and you need to end the tenancy asap. People are more understanding than you think, so please be honest. You never know they may be very happy to relist your property at a higher rate!

Tell your family what you’re doing and line up some support for yourself- preferable males - who can help you remove the rest of your stuff

Look at staying with family or friends in the short term. Once you’re calmer, you can get your own place or share with friends etc.

Finally look after yourself. You will have been living in fight or flight for so long you might find you crash when you reach safety. Ask people for help. Get counselling. Y

You can do this!

OP, I'm a mental health nurse. These are not delusions. He is an abuser. Get yourself out of there. He's just a horrible person.

This is very true. I only realised how bad my alcoholic abusive ex was when I went and stayed with my parents. I suddenly remembered that not everyone was so horrible to their partner or indeed to me! Somehow I had forgotten.

Yes I think they do. But at the end of the day you can't fix this, you have to say to him I cannot live like this, you're pulling me down with you. Please leave. He is an adult, he has to take some responsibility for his own mental health. I am sure you have offered to help and he has refused.

Just dump this abusive drug taking and alcohlic loser, he brings nothing good to your life, he doesn't care, don't waste any more energy trying to work him out. Can you leave and find somewhere safe to live.

The only way to understand how bad this is as I said before. Pack a bag. Go home to family, turn phone off sleep, eat, heal. Talk and weep to the people who love you.

You have to be on the outside looking in.

This, time and time again

What value does this man bring to your life?

OP, you're 27 and that is so young. But you won't be 27 forever. You've already lost 7 years to this man. Don't lose another 7.

PTSD doesn't cause people to act like this. He's just abusive and he's never going to change.
Even if it was a mental illness causing it, do you actually think he would agree to go to the doctor and ask for help?