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AIBU?

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Original poster

To find this situation awkward?

81 replies

metellaestinatrio · 21/07/2025 18:57

Spent this afternoon at the local park with my DCs. A child we sometimes see at the same park prior to an activity my older kids do in term-time was there with both parents and his baby sibling. He’s probably about seven. He has previously asked to join in my children’s game of football and we have agreed although both times it’s been a short game as my kids need to head off to their tennis lesson.

Today he came straight over and hovered near us and his parents asked if he could play with my DC. So there I was playing with all four kids (mine plus the extra) while the other child’s parents stood nearby with their baby. AIBU to think parents should play with their own child rather than letting them push themselves onto other people like this? My kids were being super polite but didn’t even like this child that much!

OP posts:
Eeehbyeck · 21/07/2025 20:39

metellaestinatrio · 21/07/2025 20:05

Yes that’s exactly it! My DC had set up a game and the other child hovered around for a bit, then his dad came over and said “he’s a bit shy but he wants to play with you, can he join in?”. I felt very much put on the spot and probably should have been a bit more assertive but if the parent is approaching other kids like that it would be very hard for them to say no.

So as not to dripfeed: we are in London so everyone goes to the park because the gardens are really small (so not the same as choosing between playing on your own in a large garden at home vs actively looking to meet other kids) and I was playing with them because my youngest is only 4 so sometimes they need a referee!

Show quote history

They asked to play with your kids not you, I find your post bizarre!

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/07/2025 20:38

Had they actually brought a football that they could have played with their own kid with?

Original poster
metellaestinatrio · 21/07/2025 20:38

CarpetKnees · 21/07/2025 20:29

No you didn't.

I very much presume the other child wanted to play with some other dc, NOT with the mother of random dc.

You are being very odd.

When children are out and about - in the park, on the beach, playing in the street where it is safe, they naturally join up with other dc.

the only odd thing about this scenario is you feeling
a) you had to play
b) you had to somehow 'entertain' the child.

Let the kids play with each other.

Show quote history

We had a game set up which all four of us were playing. He came and asked (or his father asked) to join in. I understood from that he wanted to play the game we were playing (as that’s what he then did) rather than just run off with my DC.

OP posts:
kitchenplans · 21/07/2025 20:37

metellaestinatrio · 21/07/2025 20:16

@KrisAkabusi because I had to entertain this random extra child which personally I find harder work than entertaining just my own kids.

No, you didn't. He didn't want to play with you, he wanted to join in with your kids snd the other children. All you needed to do was remind your children of the importance of being decent and not to exclude him, (which, if they didn't already know that, was something they absolutely needed to learn, so a good learning for them).

NoctuaAthene · 21/07/2025 20:36

I get you, I don't really like other people's kids 🤣 so being saddled with one in the park regularly would be deeply annoying. But I think your solution here is to do a mix of things in the park, don't always be that parent with the super organised fun, if you have to referee and be involved in those kind of games and they're likely to attract other kids that you then have to play with, just don't do them every time. Sure do them sometimes, but equally sometimes it would be good for your kids to do something less structured like just kicking a ball or throwing a frisbee around or playing on the play equipment or imaginary play, and then others can join in with them (or not) without it making much difference to you.

Keep your 4 year old back with you if you think they can't / won't cope playing with the older kids without you. Also if the kids are playing separately absolutely they can say no to someone joining in so long as they aren't mean or rude doing so, and it's really good social practice for all to negotiate joining in/ not joining in without such intense adult input and supervision?

Original poster
metellaestinatrio · 21/07/2025 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

But why is my children’s school relevant to the question I’ve asked? You could just say “you’re up your own arse” if that’s what you think - no need to check the type of school first.

OP posts:
ChristOlive · 21/07/2025 20:34

If it was football or something, next time say sure and kick the ball to the adults. Then get a coffee yourself. No need for you to be running their sports club for them.

Original poster
metellaestinatrio · 21/07/2025 20:33

Bitzee · 21/07/2025 20:23

Yes that’s awkward. Kids can ask other kids to play and they can all play independently together. We also live in London and mine do this all the time! If it’s clearly a family thing then you don’t interrupt because that would be rude. Even weirder still that the Dad asked and not the child- I’d have sympathy for a young kid not reading the room but not an adult.

Exactly! My kids do befriend others at the park (or sometimes bump into people they already know) and will run off and play with them independently. However in this scenario my kids wanted me to play with them, and we were clearly doing something as a family rather than a free for all with a load of kids all mixed in together.

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 21/07/2025 20:32

That's so weird. I was always inclusive when children wanted to join a game in the Park. I have also been the one asking if my child could join because he's been to shy. Contrary to you I find it really good that my children can play games with any random kid without having to actually "love" everything about the child in question.

TheTwitcher11 · 21/07/2025 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CarpetKnees · 21/07/2025 20:29

metellaestinatrio · 21/07/2025 20:16

@KrisAkabusi because I had to entertain this random extra child which personally I find harder work than entertaining just my own kids.

No you didn't.

I very much presume the other child wanted to play with some other dc, NOT with the mother of random dc.

You are being very odd.

When children are out and about - in the park, on the beach, playing in the street where it is safe, they naturally join up with other dc.

the only odd thing about this scenario is you feeling
a) you had to play
b) you had to somehow 'entertain' the child.

Let the kids play with each other.

Original poster
metellaestinatrio · 21/07/2025 20:28

TheTwitcher11 · 21/07/2025 20:21

Do your kids go to private school?

I’m not sure why that’s relevant, but no they don’t.

OP posts:
Neveranynamesleft · 21/07/2025 20:25

I've heard it all now. They're kids...let them mix and play together for goodness sake.

Bitzee · 21/07/2025 20:23

Yes that’s awkward. Kids can ask other kids to play and they can all play independently together. We also live in London and mine do this all the time! If it’s clearly a family thing then you don’t interrupt because that would be rude. Even weirder still that the Dad asked and not the child- I’d have sympathy for a young kid not reading the room but not an adult.

TheTwitcher11 · 21/07/2025 20:21

Do your kids go to private school?

Original poster
metellaestinatrio · 21/07/2025 20:20

kitchenplans · 21/07/2025 20:16

So you know the child is shy, and struggling with social skills (but wants to play), but you, a grown adult would like to exclude him, and make him feel left out? Why? That pretty mean /non inclusive behaviour.

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And that’s exactly why I did say he could play and involved him in the game - because I am an adult and have manners. But how far should we take this? My kids didn’t actually want to play with him so should I be modelling to them that they need to always say yes when someone asks to play, even if they don’t want to?

Surely his parents should be playing with him themselves, not forcing him on other families so they can sit and sip coffee?

OP posts:
Original poster
metellaestinatrio · 21/07/2025 20:16

@KrisAkabusi because I had to entertain this random extra child which personally I find harder work than entertaining just my own kids.

OP posts:
kitchenplans · 21/07/2025 20:16

metellaestinatrio · 21/07/2025 20:05

Yes that’s exactly it! My DC had set up a game and the other child hovered around for a bit, then his dad came over and said “he’s a bit shy but he wants to play with you, can he join in?”. I felt very much put on the spot and probably should have been a bit more assertive but if the parent is approaching other kids like that it would be very hard for them to say no.

So as not to dripfeed: we are in London so everyone goes to the park because the gardens are really small (so not the same as choosing between playing on your own in a large garden at home vs actively looking to meet other kids) and I was playing with them because my youngest is only 4 so sometimes they need a referee!

Show quote history

So you know the child is shy, and struggling with social skills (but wants to play), but you, a grown adult would like to exclude him, and make him feel left out? Why? That pretty mean /non inclusive behaviour.

KrisAkabusi · 21/07/2025 20:13

metellaestinatrio · 21/07/2025 20:05

Yes that’s exactly it! My DC had set up a game and the other child hovered around for a bit, then his dad came over and said “he’s a bit shy but he wants to play with you, can he join in?”. I felt very much put on the spot and probably should have been a bit more assertive but if the parent is approaching other kids like that it would be very hard for them to say no.

So as not to dripfeed: we are in London so everyone goes to the park because the gardens are really small (so not the same as choosing between playing on your own in a large garden at home vs actively looking to meet other kids) and I was playing with them because my youngest is only 4 so sometimes they need a referee!

Show quote history

They did absolutely nothing wrong here. How did it make your afternoon more difficult in any way?

DarkForces · 21/07/2025 20:12

So they asked, you said yes but expected them to read your mind or your son to step up and say no?

Blodyneighbour · 21/07/2025 20:08

YABU. Poor kid wanted to play. Nothing wrong with that! At least they were polite enough to ask.

SallyD00lally · 21/07/2025 20:05

They didn't ask if he could play with you 😳

Original poster
metellaestinatrio · 21/07/2025 20:05

Honon · 21/07/2025 19:57

At 7 the child should be asking to play himself not his parents doing it for him. I expect my 5 year old to make her own friends at the park, I wouldn't dream of approaching other children on her behalf, not least because it makes it very difficult for the other children to say no (which they're entitled to do).

There's nothing wrong with kids making friends at the park but that's what made it awkward imo.

Yes that’s exactly it! My DC had set up a game and the other child hovered around for a bit, then his dad came over and said “he’s a bit shy but he wants to play with you, can he join in?”. I felt very much put on the spot and probably should have been a bit more assertive but if the parent is approaching other kids like that it would be very hard for them to say no.

So as not to dripfeed: we are in London so everyone goes to the park because the gardens are really small (so not the same as choosing between playing on your own in a large garden at home vs actively looking to meet other kids) and I was playing with them because my youngest is only 4 so sometimes they need a referee!

OP posts:
Honon · 21/07/2025 19:57

At 7 the child should be asking to play himself not his parents doing it for him. I expect my 5 year old to make her own friends at the park, I wouldn't dream of approaching other children on her behalf, not least because it makes it very difficult for the other children to say no (which they're entitled to do).

There's nothing wrong with kids making friends at the park but that's what made it awkward imo.

JMSA · 21/07/2025 19:50

CatRescueNeeded · 21/07/2025 19:14

Surely one of the points of going to the park is to make friends and play with other random children there. If the kids are seven why did you need to actively join in with them? Just leave them to it

Exactly.

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