to consider private school...

DDs go to a prep school and we see the value in it. It offers far more than the local state schools (although they are perfectly good schools, but have classes more than twice the size, fewer facilities and specialist teachers, poorer trips and extracurriculars and more social and behaviour problems). Financially we are fortunate that it makes no difference to our budget for holidays or future support for university or house deposits. It was me who was particularly keen to go private, as DH didn't grow up in the UK and feels he is less familiar with the education system here. He was happy to defer to me and let me make the final decision.

I think it sounds like private could be a stretch so I don't think I'd consider it in your case. For secondary I think a co-ed school works best for boys (however as a parent of girls I plan to send them to a single sex school).

I’d probably go Co-ed for secondary, assuming the local school is at least reasonable

Knowing what I know now (2x kids in private school, y10 and y7), I would spend the money on the house and go the state route.

We’re in South East with a household income of £350k and school fees are breaking us.

Fees have gone up to compensate for increased costs from NIC increases, teacher pensions, loss of business rates relief PLUS 15% VAT.

Granted our kids have ADHD AND we’re heading into the two most expensive years with 2 kids now in senior school, but I wish we had thought a bit harder about all of our options.

We have a modest mortgage comparative to our earnings, drive 10 year and school fees are the single biggest expense we have.

A village state primary (small or not) is usually a good place to park your kids for their first 7 years of education.
My children have had excellent educations at village primaries and extra curricular opportunities too.
if you’re very keen on them learning a language, sign them up with a private tutor when they are older.
Good luck with your decision making X

When you say 60-100 is that per year? Or total number for the whole school?

Boys do better in mixed schools, girls do better at all girls schools.

We can afford it, not very comfortably but we wouldn't be scrimping.

Oh dear. No, you need to afford it easily and then some, OP. Additionally you BOTH need to be 100% on board and completely comfortable.

Good point about rolls.

I also assumed that prep school in the English sense (ends at age 11 or 13) If the international school is aligned to the other country’s school system, you could be scrambling to find a school place because it doesn’t align with the English state system. What I mean is if the international school ends at age 10, you need a primary school for year 6 which is a risk that you might not want to take.

Also you need to research the birth rates in each area because the very small (state) schools may not be financially viable and be forced to close or merge with other small schools.

That's why I said most...

It depends. The prep attached to DDs secondary school has a permanent Forest School section and they are out there in all weathers having an absolute blast. However for a standard prep Vs good state primary I would agree.

I don't think most preps are worth it.

My Dc went to a great Primary school but when it came time for Secondary I knew that the provision in our area wasn't great.
DH didn't see the need for Private, he went to an excellent State Secondary while I went Private (full scholarship) BUT when we went to the open days for DD for both options he soon changed his mind
You do both need to be on the same page about it though

I didn't say I learnt my languages at school. One I learned as an adult from scratch. Courses and travel. and one I learnt in school (good level) but did again self study to get to a much higher level. A lot of language learning is related to studying, practicing and really hard work and dedication. It doesn't just happen - even if you attend am independent school. I guess OP is only fluent in English as she clearly doesn't know a lot about becoming fluent in other languages.

As it’s a prep school, do you intend to move house so that the kids can keep up their second language at a senior school that teaches the language?
MFL teaching at state schools (I’m including grammar) is very poor as retaining MFL teachers is very difficult post Brexit. (Btw I’m assuming that you are talking about a European language and that you don’t speak it so can’t maintain their language at home)
You are also making a massive assumption that your kids will be grammar material. What percentage of kids go to grammar where you live? It can be anything from top 2% to top 20% depending on your county. Private schools generally don’t prepare for 11+ state exams so I’m guessing that you would leave the prep at 11 rather than 13 so that you get a spot at a good school. It’s very important to check the comprehensives that you would get from each address just in case.

And that's assuming you can make the switch because good comprehensives can be massively oversubscribed. So, even though the council would find you a place at a state school somewhere, it may not be the one you want. If the local state school options are good, it's probably best to stick with those.

I think some state schools may have changed since you went to school.

The comprehensive we were offered, they couldn't provide a French teacher at all for years 7,8 and 9. Their part time French teacher was available only to Years 10 & 11.

Unless money is no object, I think private school has become the resort of the desperate, facing being allocated places at failing state schools or those whose children have special needs.

Could you compromise with your dh, and plan private school from 11.?

FYI @MyLilacSheep in UK we generally get primary years right in state, it's secondary where the wheels come off. IMO save your money and go state until Yr 4 or wait until Yr 7 to go independent. You will have time to save plus know more about your DC and what their strengths etc are.

If your kids are 2 snd 1 you have no idea of their academic abilities - don’t bank on them being able to pass the 11+ test just because they’ve gone to prep school. Our school is full of super smart couples with multiple degrees and big jobs, all of whom expected their kids to be top of the class when they went to school. Very few passed the 11+ and many of the kids came out average or below.

I think you’d be crazy to spend on private primary given the cost and the fact that it would compromise your life. The fees are a huge millstone and leave no flexibility if one of you loses your job.

Put them in state primary and save the money for secondary when it really matters. If they are bright tutor them for the 11+. You’ll have the cash at hand send them private if they don’t pass.

Do you speak the second language at home? If not I’m not sure if they’ll end up genuinely bilingual anyway or why that’s worth c£140k of your post tax income?

I never went private and I am fluent in 3 languages. You do not need a private education for that.

Option A and offer extra curricular activities to your boys, or even tutoring when they’re older.

I would go option A, personally.

Your children are still very young. How will you know which school environment would suit them best until they’re a little older?