To think some posters can be a bit obtuse - especially when a thread isn’t soaked in modesty?

The 'especially in women' bit is an important distinction.

What sort of things? Pissing on someone’s (non-boastful) good fortune, good looks, good choices etc is one thing. Poking fun at a foolish grandstander is altogether different.

My favourite used to be a poster on Gifted & Talented who puffed up her ‘genius’ child till kingdom come. Thread after thread. Laughable.

gosh, how awful!

exactly

Oh no! I’m so sorry. When you said she nearly died, I didn't take that literally. I hope things improved afterwards for her x

I agree. It's British.
Germans are completely different. They just state things as they are and don't feel the need to add something self-deprecating on to the end like a lot of British people do. I found it odd at first (live in a German-speaking country but work in Germany). It comes across as being boastful, but it isn't actually, it's just the way it is.

Of course, not all Brits and not all Germans are like that, but it's something I've observed.

A lot of Mumsnetters go further and start shooting down anyone they consider to be boasting and that is a MN thing.

I love spending time in the US - the positivity and confidence is infectious. I also enjoy the random friendly chats!

I know it sounds comic, and some individual stuff absolutely was, but it just didn’t work at all. They returned home after about eighteen months because she never settled, became distressed and made a suicide attempt.

Just an British thing

You see on the holiday threads. Holidays are talked about as if it's unusually privileged to be able to afford one. People fall over themselves to justify such an extravagance, usually explaining that they've endured a "terrible year' and "need to get away'.

I was listening to a podcast where they talked about this and they concluded that it was middle class guilt. They vowed to stop doing it and then immediately did it again in the next segment, when they were talking about another widely accessible activity such as a day out or buying clothes.

But weirdly, people talk about overpaying the mortgage on their large house where DC are in double beds in their own bedrooms in the right village near the most desirable schools as if it's the most normal thing ever, that everyone can afford no matter what their circumstances, seemingly oblivious to their enormously comfortable circumstances that allow them to afford this.

💐 I’m so sorry for the shitheads you encountered 🩷

Definitely a Mumsnet thing. I got told I’ve got main character syndrome because I like to get my hair and nails done!

I think it’s a “some women” thing. I’ve seen it in real life. It’s painful insecurity on their part.

There's a fine line between boasting and being proud of yourself for some achievement, coming on here to tell us about it without any context can come across as the former.

Definitely a British thing. If you dare to say anything positive about yourself it's seen as bragging, because we're 'supposed' to be self-effacing, put ourselves down, be extremely humble and deferential. We are 'supposed' to knock back compliments even. Even if someone says to a friend 'wow you look amazing today' and they say 'thanks!' to many people that comes across as big headed. The assumed response is normally 'oh, I've barely slept' or 'oh it's just my new foundation' or 'thanks to coffee' or something like that.

It's so extreme, and it's really sad. I'd love to see our culture promote self-confidence, and being proud of your achievements and attributes.

This feels like the premise of an American highschool film and I want to know more! Did the daughter make friends? Did she corrupt her fellow classmates or do a 180 turnaround and graduate too of her class? I’m invested!

that's terrible, I hope you found some decent posters to be a bit more kind. Some people here have horrible issues, it's on them. I am so sorry for you.

There is A LOT of jealousy and bitterness on this forum.

In real life, you tend to be in a circle of similar people, so there's much less jealousy and resentment.

11 years ago when I first came on MN I mentioned in a a post I’d lost my son at 29 weeks and was told I was making it up. Broke my heart and made me very very wary of the type of people on here.

😆

Agreed. And I say this as a Brit!

Yes, it took me some time to think ‘No, they’re not boasting, they just don’t think it’s normal to reply to a compliment with ‘This old thing? 50p 20 years ago in a Sue Ryder!’ Or ‘Degree? Yeah, I think they made a mistake giving it to me. I didn’t really study for my finals.’

My US-born friend moved back to NYC with her UK-raised teenage daughter and sent her to a well-regarded school there. The daughter, who had been a mildly rebellious under-achiever, hanging around bus shelters with her friends and shoplifting lipsticks, suddenly found herself in classes with kids who openly said they wanted to end up a Supreme Court judge. She nearly died.

There is a note on “The Importance of not Being Earnest” in Watching the English by Kate Fox, an Anthropologist who studies the English as a nation. She writes that to truly understand the English you must understand that “seriousness is acceptable, solemnity is prohibited. Sincerity is allowed, earnestness is strictly forbidden. Pomposity and self-importance are outlawed”. In a nutshell we don’t like people who are “up themselves” apparently.

Yes, and this was one of the biggest contrasts for me when I moved to the US. People here, especially other women, are incredibly positive and are always hyping me up, complementing me, and pointing out things I’m good at. It was so different than what I’m used to that I was rather alarmed at first. Now I don’t think I could do without the positivity and optimism!

It's a British thing I think.

The problem is that in some discussions, modesty doesn't really help much and realism gives a much better ability to appraise or make comment.

But some people hate that, and don't like it when they are confronted by or reminded of someone they perceive as being better off than them.