Leaving DH behind and going on a 8 week holiday

Is there a way of compromising? 3 or 4 weeks abroad and then spend time back at home.

I'm sure he'll want to spend time with his children before they head off for uni.

I wouldn't be happy if my husband took our two children and went on holiday for 8 weeks without me. Your last post clarified that they are 18, not young kids, but my reaction would be the same. In fact, given as you said that they will soon be going away to university I would be even more unhappy about you all being gone for so long.

And maybe it's just me, but I have no idea what "him being a bit of a dog in the manger" means.

No way I'd let my DH take my children away for 8 weeks. I'd not even be impressed if there weren't children involved tbh, I'm all for solo holidays but I'd say 3-4 weeks max is reasonable when married. But to take children away for that long isn't right I think.

Would you be happy not seeing your children for two months before they went off to ‘distant universities’ OP? You obviously want to spend that time with them, but then don’t seem to understand why he might be upset at not getting to share in any of it?

I agree that there is backstory here and possibly an unhappy marriage at the root of it. I can’t imagine leaving DH for two months to have a last holiday with the kids, I would much rather have 3 weeks or whatever away and then come back and spend time with him. Do you like each other? Not being snarky, it’s a genuine question. Don’t you want to spend some holiday time together?

There is a huge difference between 3 and 8 weeks when teens are about to disappear off to university.

I find it hard to believe that the only cost effective flights are for this length of time. Surely 4-5 weeks is long enough for this trip. Or if you really feel you deserve such a prolonged break, then you stay on for longer and the twins go home to their DF.

So you get to spend 8 weeks of quality time with your twins who are off to University in October, while their dad won't see them for 8 weeks and as soon as they return, they'll be leaving for Uni. It does seem a bit unfair on your DH.

I’d go. I don’t see any issue with it at all. But I don’t have or want a husband. But seriously, if he wants you all back sooner why doesn’t he offer to pay for the more expensive flights? Or, for you to come back a bit earlier? But honestly? I think he’s being a bit of a baby. It’s a great opportunity for your children to have 2 months of relaxation before they have to get back into the world of study. He should put the children first.

And you don't think the husband may also be thinking this and be a bit sad that he isn't getting to spend any last holiday with his kids before they disappear off to Uni?!

What about husband's last chance to spend time with his twins too? It's not just OP's family. And it's not about survival but about her husband wanting to be with his family over summer.

They are going to university and you would be happy to prevent him from spending any time with them in the lead up?

Why not do a 1 week family holiday somewhere closer, as well as a couple of short breaks to new places?

Go! the kids will love it1 especially before heading to uni, and what sound like quite intenside courses!!

Your DH can fend for himself for a while! it won't kill him!

Nobody is telling you not to go, not even your DH. Just not for 8 weeks. Why not 3 or 4 weeks?

The twins off to distant universities in October,

Even more reason for him to be upset that he won't see them for eight weeks before they go. Of course he wants to spend time with them!

And saying that he went away on his own (for work!) and claiming that that bears comparison with what you're about to do, is so illogical to be farcical.

This will probably be the last holiday you have with your twins. After 18 they become less enamored of family hols. Go and enjoy the time with your family. Husband will survive.

This

the poor bloke bets abandoned after just securing a job, no time with his family and the op seems to think him being away with work is somehow comparable.

you’re being really selfish here

When it is your inlaws it can be unfair.

I know from experience, spent years planning annual leave around visiting the in-laws with the children.

Leaving little time or money for family holiday.

The last two years we prioritised getting a holiday.

Going away for work (which presumably isn't optional) isn't the same as taking an 8 week trip.

As ever, it sounds like there are significant undertones to this disagreement. You, rightly or wrongly, don't sound at all sympathetic to his objections.

Also how do you just last minute plan 8 weeks away? Have you given up work? How long had you originally planned to go for?

If your twins are off to uni in October you must be thinking of going soon? How will your family feel about 8 weeks?

So would you actually change your mind about going for 8 weeks? You’re coming across as you’ve made up your mind and are looking for validation.

Just curious.

Do your twins want to be away for 8 weeks if they are off to uni in October? Do they not have friends at home they want to see before they go to uni?

I think 2 months is an awful long time. I probably wouldn't be that ecstatic about my family going on holiday for 8 weeks without me. I also can't see how 8 weeks is more affordable than say 4 weeks, taking account the extra money you will likely spend on 4 weeks of holiday for 3 adults

I feel for your dh. If it were me I’d arrange a local holidays or long weekends as a family. I’m all for adults doing different things, but that’s too long especially as he’s starting a new job. In your dh shoes I’d be feeling really let down.

For 8 weeks he does that? Surely you can see how it’s different. Do you even like your husband?

It’s also not irrelevant, she’s clearly just one of those posters who think any woman can do no wrong and the man always is wrong

Well this is quite a stretch! Unfair? Who are you to say how much is "plenty" when visiting family?

I live on a different continent to my parents and siblings and friends and where I grew up (for work reasons). I go home at least once a year, sometimes twice. It's never enough. To whom would I be being unfair, and why on earth do you think that every other year would be "plenty" for me to visit the UK and everyone I love there?!

Bloody hell!