Leaving DH behind and going on a 8 week holiday

So his plan is basically you doing more work for his benefit….

There's really no indication that this is the case. His plan is a way of starting his new job while also managing to take short amounts of time to outings with his family, including his two DC, that otherwise he won't have holiday time with, and won't even see for 8 weeks! So the benefit is potentially for the whole family, not just OP's DH

YANBU
its a one off things and yes at 18yo, it’s unlikely it will happen again.

I get that your dh is annoyed. He’ll be in his own fur two months.
And yes it’s also the last summer they’ll be at home as ‘teenagers’. Things change when they go to Uni!

But then will they really spend that much time together, go on weekend away together? I’m not sure.. 1- because you need to find enough places to go away fur that everyone will be happy with, 2- it takes and time and effort to organise all of them (or does he expect you to do it?), 3- will the teens be happy to go away every weekends, 4- will HE be happy to be away every weekend? And ofc, I’m pretty sure all the work will be on your shoulders - from organising outings to sorting out the food and washing/hw that didn’t happen at the weekend.
So his plan is basically you doing more work for his benefit….

Having said that, OP is what works for your family that matters the most.

It fascinates me how different we all are!

I’d find this absolute bliss. Been daydreaming about the house to myself for a long time.

It’s only eight weeks. Being sad seems a bit extreme.

Husband went away twice in a twelve month period for around seven weeks for his hobby a chance of a lifetime crewing. I was pregnant the first time, had a young baby the second. I encouraged him.

If you've been together a long time and your children are about to go off to university. Go make memories.

Ugh how suffocating. I think you should go and have a lovely time. You’re married, not conjoined

YABU .... under the circumstances, it's far too long, both to leave your DH at a sensitive time for him, and also to dump yourselves on people as hosts for that long. This year at least, you need to stay closer to home.

This is spot on.
I think 3 - 4 weeks - which is a generous time away - plus some planned long weekends is a good compromise.

It's strange that you think your 18yos won't want to go on long weekends with you, as a family - why not? I think that shorter breaks are often perfect with older teens, less time away, easier for everyone to get on harmoniously before teens want to be back with their buddies and away from parents!

I also agree with PP who have suggested that you are being particularly unsympathetic to DH - is there more of a back story?

His idea is a bit rubbish, but your idea is quite mean.

Why not go for 4 weeks and then do 2 long weekends together in the UK. I think most people would be sad if their partner wanted to take kids away for 8 weeks. 4 weeks is enough time to enjoy your own company and chill out, 8 weeks sounds more like a trial separation.

The guy just got a new job after a period of unemployment. It would be dumb to risk that new job for vacation and he knows it. That's why he's suggesting multiple short holidays more locally. He obviously wants to spend time with his family.

Does he qualify for holiday, or if not can he swing compassionate leave of a few unpaid days off? Then you could splash out on him coming out for a week (or whatever works) in the middle of your 8 weeks?

Cruel he is missing out on it.

If I was one of your DCs, I'd have been keen to head off and travel before starting a long course at university. An 8-week holiday with family sounds extremely dull compared with what the world has to offer.

8 weeks is far too long. And he will spend no time with his children before they start university?! I’d be unimpressed if my DH suggested this

Going abroad for work is completely different from the 3 of you swanning off on holiday without him for 8 weeks! Surely you can see that! Are you so desperate to justify this to yourself that you’re coming up with really tenuous justifications??

Could there not be some compromise where you go and visit the family for a shorter time and also do some short trips in this country? Or even abroad but closer by than the big trip?

How much more are the tickets to go 2 or 4 weeks? Surely you can compromise, I bet DH wants to spend time with his kids before they head to uni too. If you were my husband I'd be devastated if my family disappeared for 2 months and I didn't get to spend the last summer with my kids before uni. Xx

That would be really mean of you to go OP. 8 weeks is a long time. Not fair that your DH has to miss out on the family holiday, especially at such a special time. I think you should take the hit on the more expensive tickets for a shorter time so that you can all go.

If the choice literally is stay home and spend time as a nuclear family, or mother and children go away for 8 weeks without seeing Dad, then yes.
I find it hard to believe that there isn't some sort of compromise though.

Edited: responded to wrong person

So in the summer before they disappear for years to Uni your DH gets no time with them at all?

Is he the main breadwinner? Earning more of the money that has his family swanning off for 2 months without him? I’m not presuming that, just asking.

3 weeks is plenty to wind down from your own hard year.

YABU. What about your husband? At home for two months in a new job with nobody around him?

Go staying in England to do long weekends is ridiculous.

In my family my husband would absolutely not want the kids to miss out

So they just sit about at home most of the summer so he can see them at weekends? That's just not reasonable of him.

I think there’s more going on in your marriage than this. 8 weeks is long, he’s expressed his disappointment so most partners would take this on board and adjust their plans, it’s not like he’s being massively unreasonable. I’d hate it if my DH took the kids away for their last summer before they moved out and I was stuck at home on my own. I’d miss them all.

There is a very simple compromise to be had. Halve the time away.

So you would sooner deny them the chance of seeing extended family together for what could be the last chance for a long time? Granted we are all assuming here the children are keen to go.