Leaving DH behind and going on a 8 week holiday

I think if this was a wife posting that her husband was taking the children away for 8 weeks, while she started a new job, and the children were then off to uni at the end of the trip, the answers would be a lot different!

I think if this was a wife posting that her husband was taking the children away for 8 weeks, while she started a new job, and the children were then off to uni at the end of the trip, the answers would be a lot different!

I think if this was a wife posting that her husband was taking the children away for 8 weeks, while she started a new job, and the children were then off to uni at the end of the trip, the answers would be a lot different!

I think if this was a wife posting that her husband was taking the children away for 8 weeks, while she started a new job, and the children were then off to uni at the end of the trip, the answers would be a lot different!

I think if this was a wife posting that her husband was taking the children away for 8 weeks, while she started a new job, and the children were then off to uni at the end of the trip, the answers would be a lot different!

I think if this was a wife posting that her husband was taking the children away for 8 weeks, while she started a new job, and the children were then off to uni at the end of the trip, the answers would be a lot different!

I think if this was a wife posting that her husband was taking the children away for 8 weeks, while she started a new job, and the children were then off to uni at the end of the trip, the answers would be a lot different!

8 weeks is a very long time especially if the kids are off to uni straight after. I think if you can avoid doing that long YABU and he is BU suggesting to skipping it altogether, especially as it’s a trip so see family which you would all enjoy.

Given your update, I think it’s unfair to be away until late September as your DH will hardly have anytime with his children before they leave. What about six weeks instead?

Most people need ‘emotional support’ when starting a new job. Short of something really extreme that the OP hasn’t mentioned.

This is getting ridiculous now.

If you've had long holidays abroad for the last 15 years then you have done very well as a family in the past. You've hardly been deprived when it comes to having holidays.
If you think leaving your H for 8 weeks while you and the rest of the family have a holiday abroad while he stays at home working is a reasonable thing to do then I assume you. really don't like your H.
I would assume your marriage has got to the stage that you just live seperate lives whilst keeping up the charade of being a family.

I get where OP is coming from, as we're a mixed EU family where it's totally normal that the wife and kids are packed off for the summer to send time with the wider family, and husbands join them occasionally. Or the kids get sent to the grand-parents if both parents are working. I was once down there for 9 long weeks with DS. This year it's 'just' six weeks, and DH will join us for the last three.

That said, it's clear your DH isn't happy with this. Could you not suck up the more expensive flights and go for less time? Or, just send your children alone, who are looking forward to seeing family, for less time? They're 18, so able to fly solo.

I'm presuming we're talking long-haul here, as opposed to somewhere your DH could join you for the weekend?

They’re 18. They could be leaving home soon anyway.

I’m at a loss as to why this is a problem, three adults are going abroad for eight weeks and one adult gets eight weeks to himself.

A 6 year course suggests medicine. Unless they already have the grades needed being away on results day is frankly quite insane. There is a lot more you can do when you are at the school and a priority, not trying to get staff on the phone when they've gone home.

Where do you work that you can take 8 weeks annual leave?

This is a hard one. On the one hand he has been unemployed, finally got a job after a couple of months and now his family is leaving for 8-weeks. Sucks big time.

On the other hand, you usually go away to see family, and have done over the previous 15-years.

But those visits were 2-4-weeks, why is it 8-weeks this time? Can you not go for 4-weeks as usual?

Can you really not go for 3, 4 or 5 weeks instead?

If you take it from this weekend coming that takes it to 20th Sept, that'll not leave much time before Uni starts (assuming you are in the UK, in fact lots will have already started freshers week by then). I'd be really annoyed if my partner took my kids away for 15% of the year, just before they left home. His suggestion would indicate that he wants family time.

Plus as others have said do you actually like him? Its a long time to be away from your partner, I love time to myself but 2 months is a bit much!

I get that if family are far away and you've had a rough time lately it sounds really attractive and I don't think you are unreasonable to want that break, surely though there is a compromise ti be made.

If they’ll be settling down to FE for 6 years, go now. Extended family won’t get to see them this way in that time. Their father will as he’ll be in the same country.

Assuming they want to go I’m afraid he’ll just have to suck it up.

As someone who regularly visits family abroad I would go, providing your DC want to be away for that long, it sounds amazing. I think your DH is being selfish actually, he can't go for reasons but that does not mean the rest of you should not go. My DH has never complained about me and our DC away, we're going next week for 5 weeks and he will just join us for the final one.
When you get back your DH should take the DC away for a long weekend to spend some quality time with them before they head to uni.

Is there a bit of tit for tat going on here? You say he was unemployed for a few months until recently. Are you thinking he wasn't doing very much during that time so now he owes you a long break?

Presumably it's your family you plan to visit and you've done it for 15 years, so why not go for the shorter time? I should think he's feeling very excluded and I wouldn't blame him.
This is the way resentments build. But you sound like you want everyone to agree with you so not sure why you're asking.

I clicked the wrong vote! Hate how you can’t change it now!

Go and enjoy every bloody minute. It’s 8 weeks ffs! I was in the military and my ex was in the military. We did much longer than that apart. I’ve ex was way before the internet and it was fine,

I say go. 8 weeks isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things.
Would I be happy if my partner did the same to me? No. But equally I wouldn't stop them. I used to take pur kids for 3_4 weeks over the summer whilst my husband worked.nhe would fly outto see us when we had a long enough gap. It wasn't ideal, but it meant weren't sat about waiting for my husband to come home from long shifts. He would be tired and I would be frustrated from waiting. So it was just easier all round for us to get on with our own stuff whilst he looked after himself.

What horrible comment. What makes you think he doesn't know how to use the washing machine or cook? What about his time with his family, his time with hos kids? What about emotional support is what is for most of us a very anxious time when you settle in for a new job? The lack of empathy for men on these forums always baffles me!

@tarryawhile2025 so in the 2 months before your kids go away to distant universities, you think it’s a good idea to prevent their Dad seeing them?

My DH works more rigidly than me, and I just took DC away for a few weeks. He didn't mind at all and was happy we were having fun.