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AIBU?

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Original poster

Leaving DH behind and going on a 8 week holiday

266 replies

tarryawhile2025 · 21/07/2025 14:21

We have visited family overseas for summer for the past 15 years, for 2-4 weeks. This time DH can't come as he has just found job after many months of unemployment. I left buying tickets due to this and now the most affordable tickets are those that will see us overseas for 8 weeks. DH kicking up a big fuss saying let's all go for local weekend breaks instead of the children and me going overseas. The twins are just after ALs after working really hard and would love to have time with extended family spoiling them. So would I. AIBU if I just take off with the children?

OP posts:
AhBiscuits · 21/07/2025 20:46

Go for a month. I absolutely refuse to believe that it will cost that much less to go for 8 weeks.

Visun · 21/07/2025 20:46

PluckyChancer · 21/07/2025 20:35

My DIL is doing exactly this and visiting her elderly parents and a few old friends for 6 weeks and taking her DC whilst her DH (our son) stays at home and works.

However, her DH fully supports her and will organise to meet up with his own friends at the weekends, whilst she’s away.

…Because he’s not a pathetic prick!

It's really unfair to call someone a pathetic prick for not wanting to be away from their kids for 8 weeks. That's a long time! I couldn't do it and I wouldn't do it to my dh.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 21/07/2025 20:46

Namechangerage · 21/07/2025 20:44

do it op. You’ll never get the time back with extended family and your kids before uni.

your DH is being selfish.

Or looking at it the other way, her DH won't get the time back with his kids either so OP is being selfish.

BUMCHEESE · 21/07/2025 20:44

MsTamborineMan · 21/07/2025 15:43

Do your twins want to be away for 8 weeks if they are off to uni in October? Do they not have friends at home they want to see before they go to uni?

I think 2 months is an awful long time. I probably wouldn't be that ecstatic about my family going on holiday for 8 weeks without me. I also can't see how 8 weeks is more affordable than say 4 weeks, taking account the extra money you will likely spend on 4 weeks of holiday for 3 adults

This.

Pay more and go for a month.

I'm amazed your twins would want to go to 2 months.

Namechangerage · 21/07/2025 20:44

do it op. You’ll never get the time back with extended family and your kids before uni.

your DH is being selfish.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 21/07/2025 20:44

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 21/07/2025 20:30

What sort of support would be needed? A grown adult in a new job I’m absolutely baffled at this.

Show quote history

I'm currently job hunting and when I finally get something I know I'm going to be nervous about a new start so I'll want my husband's support and probably a morale boost. I'll want to talk to him about how it's going, especially if I'm not happy.

istheresomethingishouldsay · 21/07/2025 20:40

tarryawhile2025 · 21/07/2025 15:39

Thanks for all the comments. DH has had no qualms setting off overseas by himself when needed - albeit for work. I see it more as him being a bit of a dog in the manger. Not worth traveling that far if it was for anything less than 3 weeks. The twins off to distant universities in October, for courses that are 6 years long. I see this as a short window of opportunity- a breather for me after what has been very hard work over the past 6 years in my own workplace. And honestly, I don't see the twins too eager about having local weekend breaks over summer with parents. They are 18 not 8.

I would 100% go and he should be encouraging you all to go. He shouldn't begrudge them their last summer before uni, especially after working so hard to get there, and stop them from seeing their extended family on their annual holiday.

A new job, after months of unemployment, means he should be putting his head down and getting his head around his new role and getting through the probation period while you're gone.

Luddite26 · 21/07/2025 20:37

Just looked at the poll as this thread is quite divided and it's the Brexit result at the moment ha ha!

PluckyChancer · 21/07/2025 20:35

My DIL is doing exactly this and visiting her elderly parents and a few old friends for 6 weeks and taking her DC whilst her DH (our son) stays at home and works.

However, her DH fully supports her and will organise to meet up with his own friends at the weekends, whilst she’s away.

…Because he’s not a pathetic prick!

randomchap · 21/07/2025 20:33

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 21/07/2025 20:30

What sort of support would be needed? A grown adult in a new job I’m absolutely baffled at this.

Show quote history

Really, you're really baffled?

You don't understand how someone in a new role might want his loved ones around in an evening? Going home to an empty house might be relaxing on occasion, but for 8 weeks?

You appear to have no empathy

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 21/07/2025 20:32

Renoonabudget · 21/07/2025 20:27

But if the husband thought it would be bliss he'd be waving them off, but he's not is he, he wants to spend the last summer holidays with his kids before they fly the nest to uni. His feelings have to be considered, if he's upset (as many parents would on missing out on family time) it should be taken into account surely?

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Yes that’s true @Renoonabudget and I wasn’t saying anything to the country at all - only commenting how fascinating this thread is that we all have such very different opinions.

Maybe I’m just so desperate for the house to myself, but the idea of someone saying no to 8 weeks of peace is quite odd to me!

However, I do appreciate that that’s not what OP‘s husband has said, so yes of course that’s different. I’m not sure what I wrote that made you think I was saying something other than that.

GucciBear · 21/07/2025 20:32

Absolute bliss!

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 21/07/2025 20:30

EmptyWaterBottleReusable · 21/07/2025 18:41

Can your children travel on their own to extended family

You go over for shorter weekends

Support your partner with their new job

What sort of support would be needed? A grown adult in a new job I’m absolutely baffled at this.

Renoonabudget · 21/07/2025 20:27

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 21/07/2025 17:19

It fascinates me how different we all are!

I’d find this absolute bliss. Been daydreaming about the house to myself for a long time.

It’s only eight weeks. Being sad seems a bit extreme.

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But if the husband thought it would be bliss he'd be waving them off, but he's not is he, he wants to spend the last summer holidays with his kids before they fly the nest to uni. His feelings have to be considered, if he's upset (as many parents would on missing out on family time) it should be taken into account surely?

Switcher · 21/07/2025 20:17

Each to their own but I couldn't imagine enjoying 8 weeks without my DH.

Cucy · 21/07/2025 20:15

The twins off to distant universities in October, for courses that are 6 years long.

So DH is not going to be able to spend hardly any time with them before they go?

If they weren’t off to uni in October then I’d say jump at it but 8 weeks seems way too long in this scenario.

Why does it have to be 8 weeks and not 4?

Red0 · 21/07/2025 20:12

I’d go. But I’d be damned if DH thought it would be OK for him to if the roles were reversed 😂

godmum56 · 21/07/2025 20:09

Crunchienuts · 21/07/2025 19:15

I think I’d feel really bad if my family did this to me.

me too

catbathat · 21/07/2025 20:07

Yabvvu

MeganM3 · 21/07/2025 20:06

How much money are you saving?
I think it’s a bit long, have you discussed what the DC would prefer?

Vitrolinsanity · 21/07/2025 20:03

Yes I’d go. I’m able to be without my husband for long periods of time though, but appreciate everyone is different.

That said, compromise is the root of all happiness I’m told, so in this instance I’m going with YABU because presumably he’s OK to accept the higher ticket costs so you can all spend some family time together too.

MyDeftDuck · 21/07/2025 19:57

Missanimosity · 21/07/2025 17:28

What horrible comment. What makes you think he doesn't know how to use the washing machine or cook? What about his time with his family, his time with hos kids? What about emotional support is what is for most of us a very anxious time when you settle in for a new job? The lack of empathy for men on these forums always baffles me!

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Oh, do get over yourself……….

CountryQueen · 21/07/2025 19:56

How much cheaper? Would you getting a job mean that you could have 4 weeks this year and 3/4 next? University holidays are long

sandyhappypeople · 21/07/2025 19:52

last summer before both going separate ways to university, you are definitely being unreasonable to CHOOSE to go for 8 weeks.

What is the difference in cost seeing as you said 'the most affordable option' not 'the only option' .. surely you are saving DH's fare so how much difference is it actually making?

LBFseBrom · 21/07/2025 19:50

Eight weeks is too long. Could you go for a shorter time and the children stay longer?