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AIBU?

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Original poster

Leaving DH behind and going on a 8 week holiday

266 replies

tarryawhile2025 · 21/07/2025 14:21

We have visited family overseas for summer for the past 15 years, for 2-4 weeks. This time DH can't come as he has just found job after many months of unemployment. I left buying tickets due to this and now the most affordable tickets are those that will see us overseas for 8 weeks. DH kicking up a big fuss saying let's all go for local weekend breaks instead of the children and me going overseas. The twins are just after ALs after working really hard and would love to have time with extended family spoiling them. So would I. AIBU if I just take off with the children?

OP posts:
randomchap · 22/07/2025 11:26

Mirabai · 22/07/2025 11:07

So 18 year olds have to miss out on the opportunity of an extra 4 weeks abroad because their dad want to spend the weekends with them? They can sit around during the day twiddling their thumbs on weekdays in order to be available for his periodic entertainment?

At 18 I went off to Europe for 2 months after A levels before I started my year out in a different country in September. I was an adult. My parents were nothing but encouraging.

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Or the 18 year olds could spend their weekdays with their friends who will also have just finished their a levels. Do the dc have much in common with their extended family?

Op hasn't said whether she's actually spoken to them about what they want. Just the assumption that they would enjoy the 8 weeks away.

Frankly, I doubt she's coming back to give more details so she can get decent nuanced help and support.

Mirabai · 22/07/2025 11:07

Piknik · 21/07/2025 23:33

So what?

All these people saying 'but they are 18' - how on earth does that change the fact that their Dad might like to spend some of the summer with them before they disappear to Uni?

I don't think OP needs to cancel, just pay a bit extra to make the trip a bit shorter so that they get some time as a family.

It's not rocket science:
3/4 weeks, okay.
8 weeks, unfair.

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So 18 year olds have to miss out on the opportunity of an extra 4 weeks abroad because their dad want to spend the weekends with them? They can sit around during the day twiddling their thumbs on weekdays in order to be available for his periodic entertainment?

At 18 I went off to Europe for 2 months after A levels before I started my year out in a different country in September. I was an adult. My parents were nothing but encouraging.

grumpygrape · 22/07/2025 11:00

Maybe OP didn't like 50% of voters thinking she was being unreasonable.
I really can't see why there was no compromise.

thelakeisle · 22/07/2025 10:57

He'll be fine, enjoy your holiday.

Swan6 · 22/07/2025 10:55

He's being absolutely ridiculous
Of course you and your twins must go

butterpuffed · 22/07/2025 08:05

OP seems to have disappeared , perhaps on a plane .

Piknik · 21/07/2025 23:33

Hubro · 21/07/2025 21:35

Like she says they are 18!

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So what?

All these people saying 'but they are 18' - how on earth does that change the fact that their Dad might like to spend some of the summer with them before they disappear to Uni?

I don't think OP needs to cancel, just pay a bit extra to make the trip a bit shorter so that they get some time as a family.

It's not rocket science:
3/4 weeks, okay.
8 weeks, unfair.

Yabberwok · 21/07/2025 22:16

I cannot believe some of the replies on here!

Reverse the situation, husband wants to abroad, just him and the kids for 8 weeks leaving wife behind. They clearly haven't had another holiday because of the unemployment situation.

And does she work? If so how is she able to take 8 weeks off? So where is the funding for the trip coming from.

Eenameenadeeka · 21/07/2025 22:09

No, I wouldn't go for that long and I wouldn't like it if my husband did. Seems pretty selfish to be honest, you could go for a much shorter time rather than taking up the whole last summer.

Simonjt · 21/07/2025 21:57

Luddite26 · 21/07/2025 21:54

They're 18.

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And?

grumpygrape · 21/07/2025 21:54

grumpygrape · 21/07/2025 14:36

'Most affordable tickets'.

Sounds to me you need to sit down and balance cost benefits. You, the children, and you husband are all emotionally invested here and there are monetary considerations.

What are the £ and emotional costs and benefits of, say, 2 weeks, 3, 4, etc. ?

I can't put myself in any of your shoes but I think if I was starting a new job and was coming home to an empty house for 2 months I'd be sad.

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OP, is it too much to ask you to respond to this ?

Have you actually discussed with, at least OH, but also the almost adults, what would be best all round ? You are only giving us a very narrow view from your perspective.

OH, going away for work hardly equates to a two month holiday...

Luddite26 · 21/07/2025 21:54

Visun · 21/07/2025 20:46

It's really unfair to call someone a pathetic prick for not wanting to be away from their kids for 8 weeks. That's a long time! I couldn't do it and I wouldn't do it to my dh.

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They're 18.

Mirabai · 21/07/2025 21:51

Livpool · 21/07/2025 21:47

He doesn’t live alone though - he has a wife

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And?

She can’t go to work with him.

Livpool · 21/07/2025 21:47

Mirabai · 21/07/2025 21:24

Right. I wonder how they cope.

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He doesn’t live alone though - he has a wife

becausewecancan · 21/07/2025 21:36

Eight weeks in one go is just too much, I think. I'd look for a compromise. Saving money is good, but it's not always the most important consideration. There must be some alternative better than leaving your husband alone for 8 long weeks.

Hubro · 21/07/2025 21:35

thepariscrimefiles · 21/07/2025 16:06

So you get to spend 8 weeks of quality time with your twins who are off to University in October, while their dad won't see them for 8 weeks and as soon as they return, they'll be leaving for Uni. It does seem a bit unfair on your DH.

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Like she says they are 18!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 21/07/2025 21:25

Surely you'll spend more money staying for 8 weeks rather than 4 weeks.

Even when staying with family, it is expensive.

Mirabai · 21/07/2025 21:24

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 21/07/2025 20:50

Empathy? It’s a new job not a bereavement!

guess what? Some people who live alone have new jobs. Imagine that!

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Right. I wonder how they cope.

MresU · 21/07/2025 21:23

Sounds to me you need to sit down and balance cost benefits.

Mirabai · 21/07/2025 21:23

Of course you should go and he should be supporting you to go. Your kids won’t get this chance again. How does you all giving up thIs opportunity really help him? He’ll still be at work all day. Your kids will be off at uni soon and you will gave plenty of quality time together then. But that’s not really what this is about it’s just FOMO.

Maloobu · 21/07/2025 21:16

8 weeks is a long time. I can't imagine my DH would be thrilled. But I don't think he'd tell us not to go.

The alternative to going is not seeing family and sitting about waiting for him to be available for the odd weekend?

Will he genuinely miss you? Is he worried about missing the time with the kids? Or is he annoyed he'll have to fend for himself for an extended period?
What's his actual objection to you going?

He's allowed to not be happy about it, not much you can do about that. He doesn't get to make the rest of you miss this opportunity just because he can't do it.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 21/07/2025 21:10

I think 8 weeks is far too long! My husband drive me mad sometimes but 8 weeks apart is a long time!! And he may want moral support for the new job. Could you compromise and do 3 weeks away - then some family time. If your kids are off to uni then surely he’d want to spend some time with them?

i know that some day - he’ll survive. Yes he hopefully will!! But that’s not the point. I’d be devastated if my DH went away with the kids for 8 weeks!!! I don’t think his work trips count either….are they for 8 weeks?

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 21/07/2025 20:56

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 21/07/2025 20:50

Empathy? It’s a new job not a bereavement!

guess what? Some people who live alone have new jobs. Imagine that!

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Some people might just want some moral support and a stressful time 🙄

Macaroni46 · 21/07/2025 20:53

Namechangerage · 21/07/2025 20:44

do it op. You’ll never get the time back with extended family and your kids before uni.

your DH is being selfish.

No. Op is being selfish. Why should her DH miss out on family time for 8 weeks?

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 21/07/2025 20:50

randomchap · 21/07/2025 20:33

Really, you're really baffled?

You don't understand how someone in a new role might want his loved ones around in an evening? Going home to an empty house might be relaxing on occasion, but for 8 weeks?

You appear to have no empathy

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Empathy? It’s a new job not a bereavement!

guess what? Some people who live alone have new jobs. Imagine that!