Leaving DH behind and going on a 8 week holiday

Just too hard to say. Have you given up a life in your own country to live in your husband’s country? If so I’m sympathetic and yanbu. Otherwise 8 weeks is a very long time to be apart, and for children to be away from their dad and vice versa. Could you not just pay more and stay 4 weeks?

Can he take time off from new job as guess he didn’t say he had a holiday booked

so guessing he can’t join you for 1-2 weeks

What was decided?

Sounds perfect to me. New jobs leave you utterly exhausted for the first month.

Won’t teens want to be with friends at some point over the summer? How are you financing uni? DS earned quite a bit of money in the summer holidays before uni to fund time at uni

@tarryawhile2025 After you get back from the trip, how long will your DH have with the twins before they start university?

If you’d just been through a stressful time and started a new job?

But that was only 3 weeks or 4 weeks at a time. Most of the answers saying OP is being unreasonable are saying that a compromise of 3 or 4 would be more reasonable

It's odd to me. OH went off for four weeks when I was pregnant crewing and three weeks when the baby was seven months old. I managed, the baby and ran the business. When the oil tank ran out we had a couple of nights in the sitting room where there was a log burner thank god.

Still relatively new to Mumsnet but never seen a 50:50 vote result before. Interesting.

They're 18 they could be living in another country, married etc.
I always go by the thought that you give kids wings to fly.
I'd certainly have never imposed on my 18 year old adult children that they couldn't go off on holiday for 8 weeks because I would miss them. And I would have been glad they were going with their mum and spending time with their extended family.

Lack of empathy for men? He’s a grown adult starting a new job, should not require a hand hold or indeed company. If it was reversed it with him taking the kids for 8 weeks be interesting if the comments would be different.

This thread has really surprised me, so many posters not being able to cope with their own company for eight weeks. Sure he will miss them, he will live.

Hmm - on the one hand, great opportunity for him to get stuck into a new role.

8 weeks though. Will they have any time at home before they start uni to get sorted, packed etc? What happens if there's an issue with results and you are trying to sort clearing etc from overseas?

Assuming their places are secure, and they have time at home before packing up and going off, and some time with their Dad I don't see the issue.

As a compromise, could you arrange a family holiday at Christmas that your husband could go on? He'll hopefully have passed his probation and be ready for a break then. Reading week is usually only a week but they'll have a month off at Christmas so even allowing for semesters and spring exams something should be possible.

Of course it’s comparable. They’re 18, I was 18 I didn’t go alone I went with friends. Why should they get jobs right now when they’ve been offered a chance for a long stay abroad after stressful exams and they have a whole year off and uni career to get jobs?

At the very least the kids should go for the full 8 weeks.

Whether OP chooses to go for the whole time or she gets guilted by her DH or people on here is a separate matter.

They’re not big assumptions, I have teens I know what they get up to in the holidays particularly after A level.

You going off on your own at 18 is not comparable. Here one parent wants to spend 8 weeks with the DC while the other gets nothing.
As for the 18 year olds twiddling their thumbs, they could get jobs?

You're making some big assumptions there about the availability of their friends.

Sadly without more updates from the op, there's just going to be assumptions and petty bickering.

The response from some people that he'll cope, he'll be OK, just seem to be pushing the narrative that mum's are the default parent and dad's are optional. That's not good for either mums or dads

Right.

Way to miss the point. Why should they? When they have an opportunity to be abroad? Surely an adult man can think of better things to do than compel his kids to miss out on a trip just so he has entertainment at the weekend.

Their friends most likely either be away too or working. But that’s not the point, why should they stay home for the father’s comfort? It’s not 1890!

I don’t think OP needs support she just needs to make a decision.

If she feels bad for her DH she can always come home after a month and leave the twins to return together a month later.

YABVU. Of course you stay and take shorter breaks with him.
How awful to just leave him alone after he's started a job!

Where isn't worth travelling for a week?
Even uk to Australia I would do for a week if it meant two months away from all my family otherwise

They can sit around during the day twiddling their thumbs on weekdays

I'm sure (at least, I hope) a couple of 18yos can think of better things to do than sit around all day twiddling their thumbs.

Biased mumsnetters . If the father wanted to do it and leave the wife at home who just started a new job , they would be telling her to kick him out . One or two weeks would be ok, but not 8 !