Sister's wedding and no children invited

Missscarletintheroom, that is a reflection of the type of people they are. What a thoughtful couple. They’ve got off to a very good start with extended family showing them what a considerate pair they are.

I have no issue with my children not being invited to weddings but once got an invitation that said “we love your children but we want to give you the gift of a night off, so the wedding is adults only!” (This was written on all invitations, not just mine).

No. If I wanted a night off, I would just decline the invitation for my children and come by myself. Absolutely don’t invite children if you don’t want them. But don’t pretend like you’re doing me a favour. Why should you be doing me a favour, it’s your wedding! Just say you want it child free, and we’ll drop this pretence that it’s for my benefit.

I think “treat it like a holiday” has similar vibes of aren’t you lucky we’re having this wedding.

But I'm not sure I would know banning children from weddings was even a thing if I didn't read this forum. I've genuinely never come across it in IRL and I've been to plenty of weddings!

Banning children from weddings is weird. Just give the weekend a miss.

This ultimately all comes down to people having no regard for their guests.

You have hit the nail on the head @FranzXaverSuss

We had 4 young children at our wedding. If we had stipulated no children neither DH's sister and her family not my godmother would have attended. Although, it didn't occur to me to have a child free wedding anyway.

We had an afternoon wedding to allow guests time to travel and only require one night at the hotel.

I don't understand the "my wedding, my day" attitude of so many brides. It is so narcissustic.

You don't know whether she has lots of options or not.

What we know is that it's a totally childfree venue with an expectation of full weekend attendance and no kids from OP and DH. The other things people have been suggesting are either assumptions, like in laws/friends and other hotels that could accommodate DC close by, or things we have been actively told will be an issue like DH staying at home.

True, @FranzXaverSuss . I had a friend who chose to get married in Cyprus "treat it like a holiday!" she said. No, a holiday is a venue and destination I'd choose!

This ultimately all comes down to people having no regard for their guests.

We had a childfree wedding but made an exception for our nieces (who were all under six) and a friend who had a new born.

Fine to go childfree but you can’t then get funny when people can’t make some or all of the wedding for that reason.

Similarly, I had a friend who got married in Hawaii. I was invited. I declined because although I could afford it, I didn’t want to spend that kind of money on it.

"Happened to be child free"? So, she went ahead with it, knowing the impact on her own sister?
I think there's more going on here, as pp have said..

It sounds a bit like she loved this venue which happened to be child free and given yours are the only kids in the family which aren't a great age for weddings anyway she said what the heck and booked it anyway.
I understand that you're disappointed they're not there but like others have said, it is ultimately about her and her partner and I wouldn't miss seeing her get married so I'd drive up on the day of the wedding and leave my partner at home( assuming his family couldn't mind them of course) .

if you don't go, it would look to the wider family that you had a big flounce because your kids weren't invited to the day and that would (irrationally) annoy me .

We recently attended a child-free wedding of couple who were the most strict about wanting it to be child-free.

However, even they invited the groom’s 3 young nieces and nephews (they stated this family exception to other guests on the invite- we completely got the distinction) and their maid of honour brought her youngest only as still breast feeding. This child was older than your baby OP. This did not feel unfair to us, who left our older, non-family children with my Mum.

I don’t think OP’s sister should invite the children if she doesn’t want to, but I never understand the “if she invites them she’ll have to invite all children” argument.

The last wedding I went to, there was a toddler the same age as my youngest. He was the only nephew of the couple. It would have been completely batshit for me to then think “hang on, how come the bride is inviting her nephew and not my totally unrelated child!! That’s not fair!” He was invited because he was the bride’s nephew, not because he was the child of a guest. There were several guests with young children who’d been left at home because they weren’t invited. I don’t think anyone had trouble understanding the difference between their child and the bride’s nephew.

That’s a little bit dramatic!

The OP has lots of options of how to work this out. She just needs to make a decision.

I agree with her though. Going by MN anyway weddings are just insane nowadays. I'm glad im old and I've never had to put up with all that shit. I just wouldn't go.

But are the other guests having a gun held to their head for both parents to attend, for the full three days, and pay for a babysitter?

Non family guests also have potentially two sides of their own families which might be able to look after their children for a weekend.

That doesn’t mean they’re the only guests who have children. Friends, her partner’s family.

I do think it’s really shit of your sister to not invite your family. She’s put you in a really difficult position. You almost can’t win. I couldn’t be away from a young baby for that long. It’s their day, but a wedding is a family event. It’s weird to exclude close family members on the basis of their age. Bridezilla behaviour.

I think a very polite decline, with the explanation of why may force a rethink on her part (if she’s reasonable)

Why would anyone pay your child care for you they are your children, if you dont want to go then don't but they have the right to have the wedding they want

That is odd and strange OPs mum feels like that about her own grandchildren, makes me wonder if there's more to this

OP's sister has booked OP into a child-free hotel. No kids allowed on the premises at all. OP has said:

'The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.'

Honestly, OP's mum and sister sound like the child hating King and Queen in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Maybe they should book the child catcher just in case.

It's not cost, it's having the wedding disrupted by children which is perfectly reasonable to want. No one wants to listen to a crying baby or a whinging kid. Speaking as a parent myself, I'm all for child-free weddings.

This. I feel it's unreasonable they expect both of you to go, although the 2.5 should be old enough to be looked after, and even the 6 month old as that is an easier age. So if you wanted to make it happen you could.

Same situation here a few years back, but my brothers wedding, which was also spread over 3 days. I went for the main day only and DH stayed home with the kids. Worked out fine.

OP didn’t say that. She said her children “are the only children in the family” so she would miss the photos etc without them. She didn’t say anything about the other people invited (who does/ doesn’t have kids) to the weddings at all.

OP said her children are the only ones in the family. There may be other reasons in the sister's mind but the cost of a 6 month baby and one young child cannot possibly be it. No venue is going to charge for a 6 month old.