Sister's wedding and no children invited

Who do they think is going to look after your children for 3 days whilst you are there?

I disagree with this. It is not about whether family is important — it is a child-free wedding. If she makes an exception for her niece and nephew, she would need to allow other guests to bring their children too.

They have clearly told everyone that no children are invited, and I doubt her sister is the only one with kids. It has to be the same rule for everyone.

As others have said, it is their wedding and their decision.

The OP is well within her rights to say no, just as other guests with children likely have.

I would not want to be away from my children, especially with one being 6 mths old for 3 days. I would either say we couldnt make it or that you would just go for the ceremony. Not having kids at her wedding is her choice and you have your choice to make.

If your concern is pictures, maybe ask your sis if the kids can be there for a portion of it and I guess you'd have to hire a babysitter for the rest of the time...

Honestly, some bridezillas seem to think that children are like pets where you can just farm them off to a cattery or kennels.

They can have a child free wedding but they have no right to whine about it

left all the bitching "But this is what I waaaannnntt"
as well as the fact that it's always been the norm for people to have this choice - is that anybody who bitches and complains is waving a huge red flag of total entitlement and you now know they think they're more important than everybody else and should be kowtowed to. Good enough reason to avoid them really :)

Usually by the bride, not the guests.

Not sure why this nonsense keeps coming up on mumsnet

Because usually the bride is being bridezilla about it. The bride throws a strop when people decline because they can't get childcare.

I was at many weddings in the 80s as a guest and worked as a waitress for wedding caterers in the late 80s. These were wedding receptions from working men’s clubs to stately homes (that were the family homes rather than a venue) all of them had children.

It’s three days that’s she’s expecting her sister/maid of honour to be there for.

I agree she should just go to the ceremony and then however much of the reception is achievable. But from what she’s said about her mother and sister’s expectations, I think that won’t be viewed as good enough.

When my DH's sister got married, she had a very small and intimate child free wedding. Similarly, the wedding venue was adults only. My children were older and stayed with grandparents at home, but another couple had a small baby. They travelled 6 hours away with a friend accompanying them to care for their children on the wedding day, they came to the wedding day and got a taxi back to their separate accomodation to be with their kids that night.
My wedding had tons of kids and I was more than happy to have a huge child friendly wedding, my SIL was not happy to have a child friendly wedding. My kids were gutted, but it wasn't their's or my choice. Everyone has different ideas for their big day and it is their right to celebrate it how they chose. And me and my DH were over the moon to be able to see my SIL get married.
If the above is not feasible for your family, then explain to your sister. She will understand that her choices mean this is not possible for you. If it means a lot for you to see your sister wed her husband, then there may have to be a solution which means you have to compromise on your ideals.
You're right to dig your heels in if you're really uncomfortable with it, just as much as she is right to dig her heels in for the day she wants. This may be something you both just never see eye to eye on. But at the moment, you're both being rigid with your thinking. Sit down and talk about it- see if there's a solution either of you are comfortable with.

If you’d like family money for the wedding, then you have to invite family

Ooh... love this! 👏👏

Yes but what she wants is a three day affair with her sister and brother in law present the whole time, when that would require her sister and brother in law to find and pay for a trusted babysitter to leave their baby and toddler with for upwards of 48 hours.

What she wants isn't reasonable and the OP has no obligation to facilitate it.

Can you reply to the question about why brides feel they can throw a strop when guests can't go because they can't get childcare.

They are being just as "unreasonable"

You hate children don't you?

This.

Stop being so dramatic. Just go for the wedding and reception. You'll be done in a few hours.

It's the one day specifically about exactly what they want as a couple. Not about your children.

And the best part about child free weddings - as well as the fact that it's always been the norm for people to have this choice - is that anybody who bitches and complains is waving a huge red flag of total entitlement and you now know they think they're more important than everybody else and should be kowtowed to. Good enough reason to avoid them really :)

Speaking from experience Hindu weddings yes. But now less and less as young couples are now having the weddings they want instead of doing what their parents tell them to do.

Yes. It was not a thing in my circles . My daughter was a bridesmaid at 2 ½.

You really dislike children don't you @thelakeisle ?

So, when the OP declines because she can't get childcare then the bride throws a strop, who is being unreasonable here?

Awful! I'm guessing black and white was for the photos? Boring.

So, the Catholic Herald of 1892 in Baltimore?
I have been attending Catholic weddings all my life. I'm in my 60s. In our RC weddings in London, children were always invited. I went to loads as a child. My children did. The same with Muslim, Jewish and Hindu weddings I've been to.
Maybe in some communities it was adults only, but child free was certainly not the norm in my personal experience.
However. As said by pp, the couple's choice.

Baltimore?

Yeah this. ^ I went fairly recently to one of those big-ass stupid weddings with a big budget/12 hour milling around for the guests, and people were told they HAD to wear black and white only. Most people didn't feel comfortable in white and couldn't find anything decent in white, and the men weren't wearing white suits (like fucking John Travolta!)

So most people just wore black, It looked more like a funeral. The couple have already split up. A few months ago. Together 10 years. Married less than a year. They spent £30,000 on the wedding. £10,000 of it was from her parents. They're not happy. (The parents!) The father has said he wants the £10,000 back LOL.

Link to an educational post that clearly shows that it was ALWAYS bad manners to expect an invitation for children to any wedding. It's not a new thing, wish mumsnetters would stop pretending otherwise and stop trying to reinvent the wheel.

“It is the correct thing…To be married in the morning at a nuptial Mass.”
“It is not the correct thing…To forget that the late council of Baltimore prohibited the celebration of weddings in church after five o’clock in the evening.”
“It is not the correct thing…To take babies and crying children to church.”

That's from the Catholic Herald, 1892. There are many other examples in the post.

https: // saronkabel dot com/post/childfree-weddings/

But to be honest, everyone already knows that it's totally standard to have child free weddings if the bride and groom so choose. You just think you're entitled to special consideration because "reasons".

Well, you're not.

I’d just not invite the adults who are so disrespectful

I was thinking the same, @needtostopnamechanging and it's only fairly recently that I've come across them. As you say it probably depends on your culture and community and differences in attitudes to weddings.

Its her wedding day so let her have it how she wants it.
Ive seen many wedding days with kids and it's a nightmare.
My friends sister got married last year and the kids no offence to anyone were ruining it.
Crying shouting running up and down.
Tantrum because they wanted cake.
Devices on high volume dueing the speeches.
One that cried and winged loudly through the ceremony.
Felt sorry for the bride tbh she kept a smile but you could see through it.

And the parents did nothing but say the same thing over and over shhh shhh watch your ipad play with the phone shh shh.
My friend said if she ever gets married it would be adults only.

I must admit there seem to be a little children are a different species vibe on some posts