Sister's wedding and no children invited

It's also a long time for young children with someone you actually don't know - and they don't either.

I wouldn't be doing it.

There's no need for more than seeing her get married and sharing a celebration that same day. Job done.

I suggested that. I did say, if she can afford it. I haven't noticed the op saying she can't. It's a one off and would mean she'll not be leaving the children behinf, just be out for periods of time and sleeping in the same place as them. I would have done that (had I been able to afford it), but nobody I knew had three day wedding celebrations back then except for 'Indian' weddings where kids were welcome.

Maybe I quoted the wrong person in which case I apologise. I was referring to the suggestion they pay a babysitter near the wedding venue who would presumably have to come and stay with them for the 3 days.

4 days! Wow, some of these weddings are massive, no wonder they're expensive.
The last one I went to had the church ceremony at 11.30am, sit down lunch was served at 1pm, then speeches, photos and magician. We waved the bride and groom off on honeymoon at 5pm. Loads of families with babies up to the very elderly. I don't think anyone had to stay in a hotel or find childcare.
Mind you, they're teachers so probably couldn't afford a massive shindig going on all day, never mind several.

I'm not sure what you mean?

I wouldn't be leaving them for three days ... It's not ideal for the children and is simply unnecessary in terms of acknowledging the marriage. Wedding ceremony, toast, wedding "breakfast" and I'm done.

Can't be bothered with these "come and live with the bride and groom for a weekend" style weddings. Its attention-seeking and demanding and makes the whole even become a bit of a yaaawwn, not to mention an expense and a logistics headache.

Fine to put on something for those who have travelled far and want it, but demanding mums leave their babies for days on end is tedious.

ETA I've known several weddings get cancelled because the couple had just pitched the time and expense investment way too high for the guests to want to attend.

Cost of hiring someone for 3 days?

I'm on the other side here. My best friend got married when my second child was 4 months old and said it would be no kids when I was pregnant. I left him for 4 days with my parents who had been looking after my eldest daughter since she was 3 months old and I had a great time! He was sleeping through the night, feeding well, and they loved it. So it depends on how your 6 month old is at that time and if in law's can cope with the baby at that age. Had there been any issues we were going to hire an air bnb near the hotel and my parents would have stayed there for the weekend and we would have come and seen them. Otherwise like other people have suggested, tag team, hubby in hotel nearby or you go alone and have a good time.

I didn't leave my dc for three days at that age even once they weren't breastfeeding.

I can't see the problem with leaving them with a sitter for the ceremony and a bit of the reception however.

Why? Genuinely why is it goady? It's a completely logical question. Why is it OK to ban one and not the other?

Yes but its not unusual to have children of immediate family but not children of the wider guest circle. There's a reasonable basis for delineation.

Anyway, its clear the bride doesn't want any children, related or otherwise. That's entirely her call, but I think the baby in particular is too young to leave for three days. Even in a hotel nearby, that's a lot of time with an unknown sitter, and if op is breastfeeding its a real juggle.

If I were you op, I'd go for the actual ceremony and as much of the main reception as the timing/travel/breastfeeding allows, but go home to your baby the same day. That's still an effort in itself; any more is imposition in your circumstances and not well thought through by your sister if she's expecting you to be there.

There's no need for it to get nasty. Just explain you are doing as much as logistics allow and say how disappointed you are that your circumstances don't allow otherwise. At that point its her issue ...

ETA I think these prolonged weddings that drag on for days are OTT myself.

goady much?

I'm curious if the people who bar children from weddings would also bar friends/ family with intellectual disabilities, because the latter can have as much (potentially more) potential to be 'disruptive'. A wedding I attended had an adult guest (brother of groom) with learning disabilities who was noisier than any of the kids present, but to the groom's credit he was there.

Can't your husband look after the kids while you attend?

Nope i breastfed all my kids till they were 2 from the boob, ide be saying nope. We went to a child free wedding but it was local and only for a few hours when our youngest was a baby. No way would i leave them for a long weekend!

I say child free wedding, but the bride and grooms kids were there and the grooms sisters newborn baby and toddler were there but they were the only children.

Your sister is being ridiculous 🙄.
Just politely decline and if they want you there then they will change their mind, if not then thats that.

Agreed.

Yes, I agree its unlikely to be the cost.

I suspect its the vibe and the hotel she has chosen etc.

If it was just cost, she could easily make a "costly"(!) exception for her only relative children; two very young children "off-menu" seriously wouldn't cost much, and its perfectly ok to invite children who are immediate family (only two including a very young baby) but not open it up wider.

So I agree, it isn't cost dictating the decision.

Did you just not attend the wedding then?

I had a wedding when my dc1 was 6 months, he wasn’t really eating food and wouldn’t take a bottle. We flew in to the country and they told us for the first time our baby wasn’t invited. I was so furious. They are separated now.

Perhaps it isn't going to be the sort of wedding 'party' that is suitable for children. Weddings take all shapes and fun these days!

Children really do impact on nature of an event so it is reasonable for them to say no children but it is also reasonable for you to decline the 3 days especially when you have a baby in arms! But I guess you dont want to miss your sister wedding so perhaps you could attend the main day ceremony and reception but leave the serious partying to those without children. Maybe you sister would even be up for letting the children come to the ceremony and agreeing a time when it becomes an adult only space.

Good luck. I hope you manage to work it out where everyone feels included in such a special occasion.

Who will look after your kids if you go? If you have a 6 month old at that time, you could be possibly feeding?

Child free wedding is one thing. Expecting the parents of a young child and a 6 month old to leave them for three days is quite another.

Oh that is tricky isnt it.
I do see a lot of no-children weddings.
Could your in-laws watch the children while you go for the ceremony and meal and then come home.

If she makes an exception for her niece and nephew, she would need to allow other guests to bring their children too.

No she wouldn't. It is quite normal to have family children only. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where children other than family were invited. The only way that would be an issue is if her husband to be has a load of nieces and nephews.

Anyway, if OP really feels there's no way she could make attending the wedding work, she could do what one of my friend's sisters did in a similar position many years ago - send her apologies with a bottle of fizz and some delicious baked goods, then a few weeks later take the happy couple out for a slap-up lunch (when her kids were in nursery, I think). No offence taken at any point by anyone involved.

Spot on, really.

I've been to many child-free weddings and none of them have involved this level of drama. Majority of parents are enjoyed the chance to let their hair down. Brides and grooms have understood if it's not possible for some guests to make it, and usually have found other ways to celebrate with them. A wedding is just a wedding, there's really no need to take offence over how some people choose to do theirs.

Most of my parent friends have told me very firmly that if I marry DP, it had better be child-free, because they expect to party properly.