Sister's wedding and no children invited

Of course when you have children you can still go out without them. I am a big believer in date nights with my DH, and I actually have attended 2 weddings of friends without my children (who are older).

This isn’t about practical arrangements, it is about somebody’s sibling, their actual family, completely disregarding their children, who are their family too. That is emotionally very hurtful to many people. There is no way I wouldn’t have invited my DH’s brother’s children to my wedding. They are very much a part of the family I am joining, and have now know for 16 years. Even if a wedding is child-free, exceptions are usually made for nieces and nephews and breastfeeding babies.

You have the wrong poster. I love weddings. A 3/4 day epic is a bit much, though.

What if she just doesn't want to leave her babies because she likes being with them? Why should she be expected to?

True.

Special treatment? Understanding that people have kids?

surely it’s the sister wanting special treatment - being enabled to excludie people in her family just because they are young ?

big family gathering, bit party, isn't it a bit nicer than an afternoon, early evening and off you go?

Many people actually enjoy weddings!

Said by someone who probably had someone she could dump her kids on.

It is about special treatment. There's a lot of learned helplessness when people have children. Oh, I can't possibly / how on earth / won't someone think of the children etc. There are ways round this issue for OP, lots have been mentioned, but OP seems to not want to entertain anything but her children being invited to the whole thing as this is the most convenient for her.

There's just a general lack of 'getting on with things', lots of moaning instead. As I said, if OP wants to make this work, she can. If she doesn't, that's fine - but own it, she needs to stop trying to make it her sister's fault.

My hope is that the OP’s sister is understanding that a three -day event isn’t going to work with a six-month old and accepts that the OP needs to step down as her MOH.

it would be different if the children were two and four, for example, then they could def. stay with grandparents/their Dad could miss the wedding, etc. , but at six months, most babies are attached to the boob! It’s especially awkward as it sounds as if the hotel doesn’t accept children either so her DH can’t be onsite with the baby for feeds.

I was a MOH when DD was two, I could do the job properly then and she was fine with DH.

Yes but for people like op who just want to attend one day, it's asking a lot if they aren't allowed to decline the extra bits and padding.

I said in my post that I understand the reason for providing something extra for those who have travelled, but there shouldn't be an obligation or pressure to attend the whole dragged out performance over several days if you aren't from miles away.

I really meant the day is about capturing the photos the bride and groom want, rather than for op to have a photoshoot of her dc.

I'm on op's side about the babysitting, but I'm just saying not being able to get her dc photographed isn't really a reasonable gripe or reason to have them included - not that there shouldn't be photos of them if they were there.

Arranging childcare for a 6 month old for 3 days is ridiculous, you don't have to be a parent understand that.

Your only solution is your DH stays at home and looks after both kids, or you don't go and explain why.

If I was to play devil's advocate, I would imagine she didn't know about the 6 month old when the wedding was planned? If she did then I would ask her exactly what she thought you were going to do?

She will need to accept thar your kids aremore important than her wedding, and if she can't see why this is a huge problem, then you obviously can't be that close.

You did really well to attend any of it. That’s so soon after having a baby, you tried hard.

I similarly have a friend who banned children from her wedding, but now won’t attend any events without her children 😂 I invited her family of 4 to my youngest’s christening, she was very quick to jump in with ‘oh well if it’s just for us as a couple then of course we won’t be attending.’ I was like look closely, I’ve invited all of you, as I did to my wedding…you were the original one who banned children, never me! Always the first to moan when it’s the other way round 😂

It’s not about having special treatment, just about treating your own siblings and their children with basic consideration. I am beyond relieved I don’t have siblings who would treat me like this, nor I them. Nor my DH and his. Not the done thing at all how we’ve been brought up.

I wonder if, just maybe, her sister might have kids and STILL not think having kids makes her special or that it's some kind of status where everyone needs to accommodate her.

Wouldn't that be something?

The sister is not being unreasonable. If OP chooses not to go then that's fine, she shouldn't go, and she should stand by her reasons. She's making it into a drama it doesn't need to be - OP upset because her sister won't change her mind. It happens.

I'd perhaps be shocked if more of them were speaking from experience of having actually done it. But in general, people often find it very easy to claim they'd gladly do something that's not actually being asked of them.

Oh my god, that's awful! I have no idea how you even managed that, 2 weeks post partum. What a completely selfish attitude.

I bet her sister will not bow.
My SIL got furious with us because we said we'd only attend ceremony with a 2week baby and a 1.5 years old baby...i could barely stand by I went. We refused to go to the reception very sensibly. She stopped talking to us and still to this date, 5 years on, never said sorry. Now that she's expecting, she already said she won't leave the house for a good while or have any visits. I honestly, I'm trying to stay calm and not rub things on her face.
She was a pure bridezilla

Well no, but 3 days is not necessary.

I'd cancel the accommodation and just travel on the day for the ceremony and reception only. Get childcare for just the day.

It doesn't have to last 3 or 4 days, though.

Just go for one day (ceremony and wedding reception) and say you can't go to the other parts.

It's not needy, more than people no longer spend their life in the same village.
With people coming from all over the country, sometimes internationally, of course some guests will have to travel. It's literally impossible for most couples to host a wedding where everybody, even their closest family, is local.

She's clearly not that connected to the family to cut her own niece and nephew from the invitation and expected her sister to leave her children!

Being her sister isn't more important than being a mother!

I admit to being a bit shocked at how many people seem to be willing to dump their babies for 3 days for a wedding.