Sister's wedding and no children invited

I think the op doesn't mean it so literally. I think she is sad her children are excluded from a family life event. Just that. It's a lost moment for the memories book, I think.

It's also unreasonable for the bride to expect the mother of a 6 month old baby to leave her baby for 3 days and to throw a strop if she can't get childcare.

Id just go on my own for the ceremony and meal, then drive home. Leave husband at home with the kids. You've ticked the box but not left your kids for a whole weekend.

If all your childcare is family and likely to be attending the wedding, it’s not like you can just leave your children home by themselves. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s frankly a bit shit of them, but I would still attend and leave Dh home with the kids. Unless you are bf youngest, then I would only attend for the night and stay all together locally, not at the accommodation.

We’ve had to attend many childfree weddings separately. Even better are the childfree destination weddings. Who can just abandon their children at home alone for a week in Greece just because someone wants it very Instagramable?!

Not sure why you're thanking me but you're welcome!

You can want to be with your baby all you want, just don't expect anyone else to make it their priority. No one else's world revolves around your child.

Not many people have suggested 'ditching' anyone btw, that dramatic emphasis is yours. Most reasonable suggestions involve a compromise on OP's part. Might not be the perfect scenario she wants, but it's there.

Thats the recommended age to breast feed to. I didnt ask anyone to cater for me. Thanks!

A 3 day child free wedding is ridiculous. Hell a 3 day wedding even is ridiculous.

Honestly I'd explain that due to the number of days away - it's not practical for you to attend/ be in the bridal party if it is a child-free wedding and venue. Wish her well, and say it would have been lovely to go but you can't.

It seems she has not considered you at all in her planning. Which means that she has effectively excluded you. If she really wanted you there, she would have thought of a venue where there was at least the option for on site baby-sitting.

This!!!

Don’t think the OP is coming back.

is that what's going on though? I cant quite pinpoint what op is suggesting.

I would have thought wanting to be with your baby was the default position but clearly many people are happy to ditch theirs.

No, but it is unreasonable to expect other people to alter their wedding day to cater to what you want.

It's not unreasonable to want to be with your baby.

The sister MAYBE being unreasonable, but experience has taught me that you cannot make other people do what you want them to.
The situation is that the OP's DC have NOT been invited and the hotel does NOT cater for children in any way.
It is therefore up to the OP, how she intends to manage this.
There are several options.
a) Dont go at all, and drop out of being MOH
b) go to some of the 3day event if possible, leaving DH to look after DC. (If the OP does not like that then this is not an option).
c) Go to it all, and either get DH to look after DC, or find someone else to look after DC.
Personally, I would go for option b, leaving DH with kids; avoid the hotel, and go just for the ceremony, photos, and possible any canapes before main reception.
This will still be difficult if the OP is EBF, but if this cannot be accommodated, then, option a is best.

She doesn't have to miss it. She might to choose to, but it's highly unlikely it will be impossible to attend. And if she can't, she can't - it's not her day.

That's a big if. And there have been lots of suggestions about how to manage this. If OP wants to make it work, she can.

That's not the only reason she's upset. It's upsetting to her that she may have to miss her own sister's wedding - a big milestone for a loved one, a gathering of all her nearest and dearest, and she might not be able to go at all.

People on these threads often say, "She's not unreasonable to have a child free wedding and you're not unreasonable to decline" - as if, with no one to blame, there can't possibly be a problem. Job done! But actually the emotional fallout is huge. There's a lot more to this than just "what's convenient on the day".

Completely disregarding their children? How melodramatic.

I wouldn’t have to think about it. With children that age I just wouldn’t go.

Weddings are long drawn out days anyway without it being spread over a few days and you’ll be pining for the baby/children in all that time.

It’s not learned helplessness if you’re your child’s only source of food.

Then that would highlight that this is first and foremost about what she wants. Her sister still isn't being unreasonable.

I think in fairness lots of people have child-free weddings because it is a different vibe. Not for everyone of course, but some people like the feel of an adult-only event; others like a multi-generational feel. I think that's personal taste and fair enough either way.

The issue is that if you choose the adult only style, I don't think its reasonable to expect people without full-time regular nannies to be able to drop everything for more than a day. And even those with full-time nannies might not like to leave such young children for that amount of time.

So the issue is really if you want the adult only vibe, go ahead - but don't decree three days of attendance is required. For a late afternoon wedding with an evening reception, perhaps expecting the babysitter crowd to slip out early, I think its quite reasonable - and usually quite an elegant, special evening that I really enjoy. But parents can't drop parenthood for days (plural) at a time.

That's fine if you don't have to think about a baby and a toddler, like the OP. I don't think it's "standard", I've been to many weddings, none have lasted 3/4 days. Even the Indian epic one

It's quickly done, and actually pretty standard.

Organise something for the day and night before - so you just don't abandon guests who are travelling, then the actual wedding, then an easy day the day after and a gathering the following day before most people leave. You have 4 days without even noticing.