Sister's wedding and no children invited

She's her sister. Your post means annual leave, assumes that they have two vehicles, that OP won't be breastfeeding, that they can fund a babysitter, that a babysitter would want to mind two very young kids who are in a strange location, out of their routine, that they would actually want to endure a four hour round trip and pay for accommodation and childcare l, all of which seems very unlikely and not even remotely appealing.

Not at 2.5! My DD LOVED a wedding at that age. all the people and the dancing and the beautiful venue. She had the time of her life.

My opinion is that the bride and groom are entitled to a child free wedding but they will have to understand not everyone will be able to attend. You’re entitled to say no to an invite.

There shouldn’t be any drama. My children have not been invited to childfree weddings and I’ve never kicked up a fuss. If anything, I prefer not to take the toddler as he will not want to sit still during the ceremony.

Honestly, I’d just compromise. I’d attend but only for 1 night (2 days). If you don’t want to do the whole 3 day thing

I really do think some people in the uk have a problem with children.
In all seriousness, I cannot understand people who say no to children at weddings.
I’ve been to weddings in Europe, and it’s a celebration for all. Children included and they were fantastic weddings.
The fact the bride is your sister and says that your children are unacceptable is utterly shit.
So it’s her day….her rules..her wedding?
She has to deal with the consequences of you not wishing to attend then.

Perfectly reasonable of her not to want children at the wedding. Perfectly reasonable for you to turn down the invitation if it's not feasible to attend and, tbh, there is no way in hell I would leave a 6 month old for the weekend, particularly as mine were all still bf at that age.

My sil had ds and dd as her pageboy and flower girl at her wedding but they weren't invited to anything else so I had to arrange childcare. The difference there though was the wedding was reasonably local so my parents collected the dc (about 45 minutes drive) and then babysat them in our house (30 minutes drive but on the way home for them). The dc were 5 and 2 so old enough to be left with gps.

I disagree with making a fuss. I’d just say I wasn’t going and wouldn’t discuss it further with your sister or your mum. They can’t compel you to attend, they’re being ridiculous.

She will have a 6 month old baby? It’s about a bit more than “being sad”. It’s a very physical link between mum and baby.

Obvious question but does your sister know you are expecting a baby next year? I hate it, but for a family member I would probably suck up no toddlers…but the baby is really poor form.

I wouldn’t go. Mostly because at 6 months old mine was still breastfeeding every couple of hours. I think you should say to your sister if she wants you there the baby will have to come. Make the decision hers.

This is an option - just go for the ceremony and she can’t say you didn’t make an effort. She’s being ridiculous though if she gets annoyed at you for not attending when she’s made it difficult for you to do so!

well if you’re going to be breastfeeding you won’t be able to leave the 6 month old . And really even without bf 3 days is a long time to be away from young children unless there are alternative caregivers in place who they are very close to.

Can you explain to her nicely that it’s not possible to leave them for that long and then leave it open ended… she may rethink the plan.

“I’m disappointed that my sister would not want to include them in the day”.
But if they were there they wouldn’t be ‘included’ in the day. They would be present but both too young to participate in any wedding activities. They would be bored, tired, likely disruptive because of being bored. Other people would feel the need to entertain and engage with them instead of just celebrating the wedding in an otherwise adult focused way.

”I’m sad to spend 2 days away from them”.
It’s two days out of the whole year? You could even go for one day if it’s too hard to spend two days away. Or you could decline the invitation altogether.

This is your sister’s wedding. It’s entirely about her and her partner, it’s entirely her choice to have the day exactly how she wants it to be.

I think it’s quite unusual not to have an exception to the ‘no child rule’ for close family, especially with a babe in arms.

I wouldn’t go, personally. I wouldn’t be ready to leave a 6 month old baby especially as I was exclusively breastfeeding mine.

She is being very inflexible, as is her right as bride, but you are WELL within your rights to not attend..

No way I would be leaving a six month old and a toddler in a hotel with a stranger, or leaving them behind at home for three days. I think it's really reasonable to tell her that you're not going to be able to attend a no kids wedding with two tiny kids, that goes on for three days. It's not personal, it's just a logistics thing.

I would drive myself to see my sister wed and then drive back home whilst my other half looked after the children.

I would be attending no more than the ceremony and would not be committing to any role in the wedding. I would make it clear why.

If there were objections to this I would send a card.

The vast majority of people I know wouldn't have had people to leave their children with for that length of time, and I simply wouldn't leave them anyway.

Would it be possible to arrange childcare for one day, e.g with In-laws? Or someone else your Dc know well?

In which case just go for the day of the ceremony and reception up until the time you need to leave to get back.

If not well, you will have to decline the invitation.

But I think it is very ‘un family like’ for your DSis to exclude her close relatives like this. And amazed your Mum has not said something. I bet she will think differently about family ties when she wants to visit your newborn.

I might make an effort to go up for 1 day and leave husband with kids, would absolutely not be going for 3!

Could you bring someone with you to help out with the kids the day of the wedding?
As a teen I had many weekends away looking after children of my parents friends and some relatives for child free weddings.
Normally they either booked me a room or sometimes the hotels had little cottages.

Erm... I am very much a love em and leave em mummy and i was off out getting drunk on days out when baby was 3-4m but even i think this is fucking nonsense

THREE days? The cost of childcare alone will be eye-watering and that's assuming you can even find someone the children will settle with especially the toddler.

I'd ask her to reconsider...

if she wont...

Go to the wedding on the day.
leave your husband at home with kids.
dont drink and drive home in the evening.
If she doesnt like it - tough.

It's her day and her choice.
And she can make all the shitty thoughtless selfish choices she wants but she cant make you facilitate those choices and go for 3 ddaysat the expense of your children and if her and your mum want to fall out with you over it.. let them.

Push back.

Make a bit of a fuss

Tell them if the kids can't go then unfortunately you won't be going.

Make it clear that if the kids start crying during the ceremony that you'll take them out so as not to spoilt it.

But push back, this one time.

She's your sister. You go up on Friday. DH follows with the kids on Saturday morning. You either bring a trusted sitter from home to look after them during the reception, or use Sitters or whoever the hotel recommends. You and DH pop up after the speeches to settle them to bed and give the sitter a break and then you could either tag team for the evening or DH stays in the room. You all leave Sunday morning.

i don’t think it’s remotely acceptable to leave a 6 month old baby for 3 days.
At best, going for the day might be possible (you only,leaving hubbie to mind the kids) but you are totally fair to just say no, sorry we can’t make it

Sorry this is a tricky one. If your kids are the only kids I can kinda see her decision. It would be nice if she accepted ‘babes in arms’ which is relatively common at kids free weddings but then that doesn’t help you with the 2.5 year old and they can be pretty disruptive at weddings so it’s her decision.

As a compromise I would book a room in the wedding area for all 4 of you and hubby misses wedding to look after the kids whilst you’re there. But when there’s no wedding stuff going on then you at least get time with your family. I think your kids are too young especially the 6 month old to be left with babysitters all weekend so your sisters request for your husband is negated by her request for no kids and you should explain that to her.

I would be asking my sister to seriously reconsider.

My brother (his terrible wife) didn’t want my girls at his wedding so my parents said “Ok, if you don’t want your nieces there, you can pay for it all, but don’t expect any money for the wedding from us. If you’d like family money for the wedding, then you have to invite family. “. They changed their minds quite quickly.

A three day wedding without your 6 month old?

I wouldn’t be going. Not in an arsey “how dare you not invite my precious children” kind of way. But just because that wouldn’t be feasible for me.