Sister's wedding and no children invited

You can’t go. It’s a shame.

My neighbours left their baby with me while they went to a Christmas dinner dance. He was only 4 months old. He grizzled the whole time.

I wouldn’t go. Is your sister the golden child? How long has she been planning the wedding?

I’d just go on my own and DH stays with the kids.

I think you need to reconsider the whole situation realistically.
it won’t work.

This.
Surely your sister must have told you it was a non-child event when she asked you to be MOH?? If not, then as a family you do need to communicate better.

Babies and very young children do not understand or appreciate weddings and you have plenty of time to arrange childcare with your own in-laws and to get the children used to being with them.

“This is your sister’s wedding. It’s entirely about her and her partner, it’s entirely her choice to have the day exactly how she wants it to be.”

I hate this attitude towards weddings. It’s so selfish.

Yes it’s her day, but to treat her close family just as background rentacrowd with no consideration for their comfort is just vile bridezilla behaviour.

She’s the sort of person who gives no thought to her sister’s children but I bet when she has her own precious bundles it’ll be a totally different story.

My own question to the op about this scenario is why is your mother not speaking up for you? Surely she’d understand the dilemma? Have you told her your concerns?

They can have the wedding they want, but you don't have to go.

So they're not even allowed to go to where you're staying? I thought you could go just to the ceremony if you wanted but I think it's too long from your children if they can't come to the accommodation either.

I personally wouldn't say anything about this though - "I'm disappointed that my Sister would not want her nephew/niece there or want to include them in the day (and that there won't be any photos of them there)." If she doesn't want to include children in the day, I think it's sad but it is her choice and I wouldn't push on that.

Does she not want/dislike kids?

First post nails it.

She can invite you, but you can decline.

If she doesn't like it, its because of her "child free" status. She can amend it if she wants you there, or accept you wont be there.

I breastfed my DC so I couldn't have left him at 6 months. It's a shame, but if she doesn't want all of her family to be there it's her decision.

Maid of Honour? Sadly you are going to have to decline that.
She clearly wants a MoH who can offer undistracted attention to the wedding, that ain't happening with anyone with kids.
Even say you did go and juggled childcare with DH, parents, in-laws and a Norland Nanny, the moment you step away to say hello or take a.call you will have let her down in her eyes.
I think better to resign now and give her time to have fun with someone else.
You are at a different stage in life and it doesn't sound like you sister is the easy going, compromise type.

I don’t really understand why you are debating this. Tell your sister you are unable to fill your MOH duties.

Why would you take such young children in a 2 hour journey? And why would you go to the trouble and expense just for the ceremony for someone so inconsiderate? Bridezilla again.

This^
i think when you are young and don’t have children you don’t understand the realities of life. I certainly didn’t when I was inviting my guests without their children to my wedding 🙈
So I would talk to your sister about it. She also probably came from the point that it’s a tiring event for children ( which is true in a way)

Dd didn’t take a bottle so I didn’t even leave her with DH for a single hour until she was 9 months old.

I would be attending the ceremony with my DH outside with the children. I doubt we would manage anything else.

I'd go for my sister but my DH would likely only come down the day of the wedding so we only needed childcare for one night, if that's possible for you. Will you be breastfeeding? I had to leave my then 8 month for a weekend for sil hen and was dreading it as was still breastfeeding and I hated it more than I thought I would.

Did you know your kids weren't invited when you agreed to be her MOH?

If I was you and you wanted to attend, then your husband needs to stay at home with the kids and you attend on your own for the actual wedding

Arrange childcare for the day of the wedding and go for that day only.

I’m one of those strange people who hangs out on MN but doesn’t have DC. Even I can see that leaving two DC of these ages for three days is going to be very hard, almost impossible for many reasons. Obviously, as PP have mentioned, there is the potential issue of breastfeeding the baby and leaving two children rather than one means that a less- than-ideal sitter may be distracted by one child while the other need attention. Also, if one child is not even born yet, who knows whether he or she may have some kind of medical or special needs which may make more knowledgable care essential (Heaven forbid but it’s possible).
I think this is a job for the old MN classic “That doesn’t work for me.”

Did you know your kids wouldn’t be invited when you agreed to be MoH?

Is the accommodation being not child friendly the reason kids aren’t invited? Because surely you could just bring a travel cot, fold up high chair and a changing mat? Toddler could just sleep in a normal bed for the weekend?

I had similar from my cousin and I told
her that there is no one I can leave my children with overnight and so I can’t come. She then changed her mind and included my children in the wedding. I wasn’t being difficult - all my family were attending the wedding and DH parents too frail to take care of small children. I think tell her the truth, that you can’t leave children that little overnight and let the cards fall where they may.

I'd ask, in as non-pushy a way as possible, whether she would consider making an exception for her niece and nephew. Are there, however, perhaps more children on the other side that might make it difficult for them?

Otherwise, unless you have a very helpful grandmother/aunt or similar on you partner's side, I would go without your husband. Or possibly he just joins for the Saturday. I went to my cousin's (no children) wedding by myself when my children were very small, leaving them with my husband. I really enjoyed having a weekend away by myself to be honest!

I wouldn't not go to my sister's wedding, and I would try not to cause issues over it.

I wouldn’t go.

I wouldn’t go. And I’d tell them that you feel like they mustn’t want you there anyway if they’ve made it as difficult as possible for you to attend.
At a push I would drive there for the ceremony and meal, then drive back home. And if they were angry or snotty with me I’d give it them straight back!

This is awful OP….how can your sister put you in this position? Has she always been so bloody selfish?!
I get people who want childfree weddings but to put your own sister in the position of having to leave her babies for 3 days is appalling.