Sister's wedding and no children invited

Did you have children at your wedding @BigSister1991 ?

Hi Dsis, I’ve been so looking forward to being your MOH and supporting you on your special day, but when I took on the role, I didn’t realise that my kids wouldn’t be able to attend. I’m afraid I can’t leave my 6 month old for longer than [number of hours you are comfortable], so I’ll only be able to attend the ceremony and photos. [(If true) DH’s parents/siblings aren’t able to have 2.5 year old unfortunately, so DH will have to stay home to look after him].

Given I can’t be there the night before or for the reception, I’m thinking it might be best if I step down now as MOH to give you time to choose someone else who can be there to support you for the whole 3 days? Will be really sorry to miss so much of it - just unfortunate timing with the age of the kids. Let me know what you’d like to do.

I wouldn't leave a 6 mo with anyone but a parent. Maybe people do but babies need their primary carers. There's no explaining to a baby.

And I know the zeitgeist is now 'their wedding, their choice' but I can't help my Scottish/Polish genes screaming at me. Weddings are a family, even a community, celebration. They bring everyone together and are a genuinely joyful multi-generational event. Thank goodness my DD has experienced very un-Insta Scottish and Irish weddings and wants hers to be a crazy, dancing, fun, family thing. She said at one, "does everyone just start dancing?" Yes DD, everyone just starts dancing.

Yes, I know it's not what everyone else thinks, but I just think it's better.

Could you book a family friendly hotel near by and you and your husband stay there ,taking it in turns to go to bits if the weekend
Or if your not breastfeeding
Leave husband at home with kids and you go alone

I don't dislike children, have 4 was a childminder and have 6 gks I look after.

Plenty of notice or not, it’s absolutely normal to not want to leave your 6 month old, especially is being breastfed.

Who would want to leave their 6 month old and 2.5 year old with childcare for three days? I wouldn't.

I wouldn't be going
I wouldn't of had anyone to leave them with

I didnt know either.

Hopefully this can all be sorted out with an amicable chat.

they can have the wedding they want but they don't get to dictate the conditions of their guests' acceptance. Either you go under the terms they dictate, or you don't.

Personally, if I didn't want to leave my children and it was going to put me to a lot of trouble, inconvenience and expense to attend, I wouldn't.

Ii saw my nieces and nephew ruin my sil wedding. We booked a tiny register office,, I said sorry there is no room for kids. Ended up changing the venue and reception 3 times, bending over backwards to accommodate everyone. In the end I hired a bouncy castle,had a respectable adult at my house, 15 minutes away, for baby sitting,these kids were 8/12 .no one used them! Mil insisted they come. I was fully prepared to cancel the wedding by now. Elderly frail relatives ended up standing.duriing the reception,kids sat on the top table each side of DH.he tried very hard to make them move without causing a fuss.i ended up on the very last table.they hated the food. Ruined the photos
I bitterly regret not just eloping
Exactly the same thing happened at my DS wedding, different kids, adults unable to keep them in check.

Unless you have close family, maybe DHs family who can look after the children, I wouldn't go. It's her choice to have a child free wedding and that's fine. It's your choice whether you attend or not. Personally I wouldn't but it's really up to you whether you want to or not. Is leaving the children with DH and attending alone a possibility?

Will the husband be breast feeding the 6 month old as well?

I don’t really understand all the fuss around having a kid-free wedding. My sister did the same, my kids were older teenagers but as “kids” they were not invited. It does now make me see her in a different light as a result.

I’d go to the ceremony and get my husband to take the kids out somewhere locally nearby and then leave. It’s such a mess about for you otherwise.

Of course it is.

Just like it’s OP’s children. Her choice.

Her sister doesn’t get to demand that she leave a 6 month old for three days.

Have a childfree wedding. Have a destination wedding. Have a week long childfree destination wedding if you want. But you have to accept that some people cannot attend.

Or the husband could stay home with his children whilst OP attends her sisters wedding?

I have very similarly aged children and absolutely would not leave them for more than a few hours given the youngest is only 6 months. You’re entitled to say that you’re unwilling to leave your children, that’s not unreasonable and she’s entitled to want her day a certain way, that’s also not unreasonable.

Unfortunately, it just means you won’t be at her wedding. No need to fall out over it or play the blame game, it’s just the way it is and I would be up front about that as soon as possible with your sister so she’s aware when planning.

I’d attend the ceremony and the party and leave early the next morning.

Both of you can go if your DH family can step in for an overnight. If not then your DH would have to miss the wedding.

No point in getting annoyed at her choice but your involvement will need to be limited in that case.

No to the weekend is the answer, say you are not wanting to find childcare but you’ll come on your own to the ceremony and meal leaving at 8pm ish

Go to the wedding on the day.
leave your husband at home with kids.
dont drink and drive home in the evening.
If she doesnt like it - tough.

A thousand per cent this.

In those circumstances I wouldn't attend the wedding. Your baby will still be tiny and too young to be left for three days especially if you are breastfeeding.
Your sister and parents can expect as much as they want. It doesn't mean you have to do what they expect

She doesn’t want children at her wedding. This is totally understandable and her decision.

Does your partner not have parents or siblings that could have the children for the weekend?

I would try and go just for the ceremony and photos, and depending on when the reception starts, maybe for the reception. Getting other people to look after the children for that length of time should be more reasonable.
I would definitely not stay to any evening event.
If childcare is impossible, then as it is the OP's sister, I would get DH to look after the children, and drive home either after the photos, or if they are serving canapes before the recption stay for that, and then leave.

Are there, however, perhaps more children on the other side that might make it difficult for them?

This might be a factor. I wonder why people dont do dialogue? I think a gentle conversation to a sister who hasnt had a children and might not 'get it' - is worth trying. Also maybe ask your DM if she knows if it has been discussed? Maybe she has already brought it up with your DS?

I would resign from the role of MoH and attend for the day of the wedding only. I’m not sure she’s left you with another option. DH and the kids stay somewhere nearby so you can at least attend.