Sister's wedding and no children invited

Also I will go against the grain here and say I absolutely do not understand childfree weddings- people just don’t care about family anymore utterly selfish!

I can understand why she wants a child free wedding. She has to accept that by wanting this people with kids may decide not to attend.
Expecting you and your husband to go to this for 3 days is ridiculous.

I would tell her that due to your kids ages you can be her moh as you don't have the time to arrange or go away for her hen do.
Tell her after chatting to your husband that you can attend the church and meal either on your own or possibly with your husband if you have someone to mind the kids then.
You have the meal and leave after that and to me that's the best you can do with a toddler and 6 months old.

I have been to weddings and next thing a baby starts crying and the parents don't leave the church. Some parents then will just let kids run around and after drinking coke for the day they are wired, bold and get tired. Then the waiting staff are bringing out hot food and trying to avoid kids running around.
They won't arrange to get kids picked up and brought home or to a hotel room to be minded and put to bed. The kids get tired,board and it becomes hard for the adults there.

Also some parents are glad to go to a child free wedding and have there kids minded as it a time for them as adults to catch up with friends.

OP - you may well not be able to leave your dc for that long if you are breastfeeding still. So you need to explain to your sister and mother that it’s unlikely to be physically possible for you to do what she wants. What would she like to happen now? Does she want you to pull out of being MOH? Just you go for the wedding ceremony, possibly meal too and then leave? Not go at all? Would the venue be flexible in children for a family child so you can have someone from DHs family in the room with dcs and you pop up to feed if still needed? Wait and see closer to the date and risk you pulling out at the last minute?

Would it help to speak to your mum first and ask her which option does she think dsis would be happiest with as you can’t see a solution.

I had a friend who complained our friend brought her 3 day old baby to the wedding (couldn’t she leave it somewhere!) then a few years later complained about leaving her 2 year old to go to one. I think some childless people really don’t understand why it’s hard to leave them.

Having read @BigSister1991 's updates the only thing to do is to for the day.

If she kicks up a fuss you just say assertively and without fuss that your go to childcare is also at the wedding and you can't leave your baby for 3 days.

If you think you will be breastfeeding them you might like to tentatively raise the idea that you can't go at all.

Perhaps the sister should have thought of that before inviting the mother of said toddler to be her Maid of Honour at a 3-day wedding.

She is unreasonable to not have close family children at her wedding- I would and did find this so offensive (my bro did this) that his niece and nephew were not important enough to attend his wedding. For us the wedding was in London miles away so I went and my DH stayed home and looked after our children (one of whom is disabled). My brother was upset we didn’t make the effort to let people look after our children overnight (when my youngest has never been left and no one in our family is capable of looking after his high level of need) and I was extremely pissed off that he thought so little of his close family that he didn’t invite them to a major life event. So all in all it was a loose loose situation, it was part of the reason for us to distance ourselves from them (but there is a larger story there).

so without projecting too much, my advice would be to go alone, and compromise- but to me it just shows the lack of family bonds and values that someone would choose this. Weddings are about family, and family is not built with age limits!

I think that's really shitty of her. As you said op you don't have a big family, it seems absolutely horrible to not invite them. I can understand childfree weddings when you don't invite friends children, but your own nieces and nephews? It's a horrible thing to do. I bet when she gets older and has her own DC, she'll look back in horror at her behaviour.

My kids are older, 14 and 17. But I don’t think I would have been happy to leave my 6 month old baby for 3 days. I was still breast feeding for a start! You either decline the invite, or you stay somewhere separately nearby with your family and you just attend.

Its an invitation not a summons.

I wouldn't go, if brides deliberately make it hard for loved ones to attend they cannot be mad when they don't go... consequence of their choices.

I would never leave my kids with random childcare to go anywhere, my kids are my dependents, my job is to protect them and it my number one responsibility which is 24/7 365 job, they come before any social party or the wants of adults.

Oh no...that's SO sad .....but your Family are the children x so just explain that....if they won't change their minds...then unfortunately you will need to accept that you will miss the wedding....I would book a fabulous little holiday away with your partner and children😘

The three day event makes it a bit more tricky, but if there is a specified time period for the ceremony, I’d be tempted to travel up as a family of four, for you to attend as MoH - helping her get ready and see your sister through the formal parts including any sit down meal etc until the start of any after party/evening event. You could then bow out without too much fuss and go back to your husband and children.

If distance and times don’t work, you could still book two nights in a family friendly hotel closer to the venue than your home.

Alternatively, do all of the above and have some in-laws with you to look after the kids whilst your Husband attends with you.

She is entitled to a child
friendly wedding but you don’t need to forgo 3 days with your kids. Also you can still attend in part.

For me, my wedding was about bringing all family together but others don’t feel the same. She shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for that but equally you should be allowed to try and compromise on what you can go along to on your own or with your Husband.

Realistically, you're going to have to pull out so you may as well do it now and give her plenty of notice. You can't really leave a 6mo for that length of time especially if they're still breastfeeding.

A 2 and a half year old is going to be disruption and change the vibe of an adult only event. I wouldn't want a toddler there either, it's possibly the worst possible age when it comes to getting overwhelmed, and overtired.

Everyone is focusing on not wanting to leave a newborn, completely ignoring the elephant in the room of a toddler at a wedding. This is what the sister wants to avoid- but there is no way she can suggest that they just leave one child at home

I would simply decline. If it means that much to the bride to have her sister there, let her come to you. It is, after all, 'her wedding, her choice'.

If she doesn't do this then you know where you stand. But there is no reason why it automatically becomes OP's responsibility to jump through hoops to accommodate her sister's rigidity and its resultant increased expense.

It's up to her. If that's the way some people play it these days, they can take the consequences along with it. That's simply the way it works.

They are trying to present you with a fait accompli.

Who booked you into that accommodation?

I would go to the actual ceremony and whatever cocktail or dinner after and be back home, if not doable I simply wouldn´t go. There is no way I would leave my kid overnight. Thousands would, not for me.

I understand not wanting them there for the ceremony in case of distractions/crying/noisiness but banning from the whole thing ridiculous.

I wouldn’t go, book yourselves a nice weekend away with your lovely family unit.

YABU to be cross/sad that she doesn’t want your small DC at her wedding. She’d be U to say anything should your H not attend.

Is there someone who could come with you and watch the children so you aren’t away with them for so long? I realise this could be expensive.

I’d attend alone and leave the DC with DH unless you have reliable, free childcare from DH’s family. i’d also stay at different accommodation unless your sister is paying for the accommodation or you can easily afford the two nights there.

What an utterly selfish attitude. What kind of ‘wonderful’ wedding day is it where you make your only sister anxious and unhappy?

I don’t usually post in these threads but there is no way I would go to a three-day wedding leaving a 6mo. What if you are breastfeeding? Or tbh even if not.

I would ask if you can at least bring the baby. If not then I would maybe attend just the wedding, leaving the dc with in-laws, and go home straight afterwards. Or not go at all.

Neither of you are unreasonable. She and groom want no kids. You don’t want to be away from your.
Just go to the ceremony and meal - 2 hours driving there and 2 hours back is not too bad .