Sister's wedding and no children invited

Absolutely and after what I'd witnessed there was no way I was risking it!

it's so entitled to think everybody must adore peoples children. Yes babes in arms are different, but people who think weddings are a 'family event' for children must realise kids get bored, kids are disruptive and kids can ruin weddings. I worked hard and saved hard to pay for my wedding, I wasn't about to have these kids pick at my cake, sneer boogies into the table cloth and ruin my pictures with their knee slides!

Maybe just go for the ceremony/food and ask your ILs to babysit.

That said, a two-hour drive for a few hours is a ball ache so tbh I wouldn’t bother in your shoes. I wouldn’t make a song and dance over it, a simple “we can’t make that work due to childcare, but we hope you have a lovely day” would suffice.

She doesn’t have to go. She can step down from being MoH.

This is do true

If a child is generally well behaved, then they will behave appropriately at a wedding. They won’t be entitled or demanding. It’s simple as that. Children earn privileges, going to a wedding is a privilege - not a right.

The baby is current 6 months old. The wedding is next year meaning the baby will be nearly 2.

edited to add: have seen baby is not currently 6 months but will be at time of the wedding.

I completely understand it. Weddings are expensive affairs and inviting everyone's kids can quickly escalate the costs. This might mean that others whom the bride and groom would have liked to invite have to be left off the guest list. Also, some parents simply won't parent, and neglect to take their children out of the venue in the event that they misbehave.

There are various reasons why child-free weddings appeal. What isn't remotely reasonable is to issue this diktat and then expect that others will pull out all the stops to attend, often at considerably increased cost and inconvenience to them. It's this expectation that is really bratty, IMO. If you choose a child-free wedding, you also accept the increased possibility that some with children may choose not to come. Your wedding may be all about you; the terms on which people accept or decline your invitation are not.

Decisions have consequences.

Why is your own sister trying to carry on as if you do not have children? This is what bad employers last century used to do... treating mothers as if they do not have offspring and behaving as if they can carry on as before.
It's completely unrealistic. Of course you can't leave a 6 month old baby for 3 days. If you are breastfeeding, you can't even leave them overnight at that stage. And who does she think will look after 2 babies for 3 days?
She has her head in the sand trying to pretend you're still a young singleton. Tell her either they come, and you'll try to arrange for accommodation nearby, or they don't come, and you'll come to the ceremony but can't promise more than that.
TBH I'm wondering if she even wants you to come, if she did, she would try to make it easy for you. I mean , who books a 3 day wedding in a place where babies and children are clearly stated not to be allowed, without discussing it with the parents that she would like to attend her wedding? And your mother backing her up...surely your mother must understand the logistical problems with babies, even if your currently childless sister doesn't. Is your sister jealous of your DC and the fact that they come first in your life rather than her?

How can you teach your dc to behave properly at a big event or party if they aren't allowed to attend any? That is like being turned down for a job because you don't have the experience, but can't get any experience without being able to do the job. Catch-22.

And do people post clips of kids being quiet on TikTok? No, because it is boring and there's no drama in sharing that to the world. The clips you see are the over-the-top ones.

Her conditions of you attending dictate that you cannot attend. Being away from your 2.5 year might be possible but your 6 month old will be even harder. It would be a no from me. And her being your MOH is beside the point.

Remember, it's an invite - not a summons

That is horrible @BigSister1991 YANBU at all. My brother had a 'no children' wedding some 22-23 years ago, but he had my 2 DD as 'flower girls' and his wife's nephew as a page boy. So he could include the 1 nephew and 2 nieces. No others were allowed.

Upshot is, our 4 cousins have 8 children between them who were (when they were kids) mostly pretty badly behaved/rowdy/naughty (all 4 to 12 y.o. at the time) and he didn't want them there. But he wanted his 2 nieces and wife's nephew there, so he had them as flower girls and page boy.

The 4 cousins weren't happy, but their children (well, 4 or 5 of them anyway,) would have ruined the wedding.

Could your sister not have your DC in flower girl/page boy type of roles?

You could suggest this. If she says 'no' I would honestly refuse to go.

I vote you are being unreasonable and you are ..unreasonable to even think about this! You simply cannot leave your young children for such a length of time its unfortunate but thats the way this particular cookie is crumbling. Ask her to live stream it and you can sign in from home and you won't miss a thing.

I’ve seen too many TikTok’s where kids have ruined the wedding, absolutely devastating.

Basic respect, manners and discipline from their parents. When they behave, they’ll be invited. I’ve seen quite few TikTok’s where kids have run havoc and ruined the wedding. If a child is generally well behaved, then they will be invited due to past behaviour on daily basis and knowing the child.

Leave your kids with your husband, you don’t need childcare. Your husband doesn’t need to be there really. Is he part of the wedding? It’s your sister, so you should go and respect her wishes. Have you asked her why it’s childfree?

I'd decline.

They can expect what they want but they can't demand it.

i had no children at my wedding.

I wasn't planning to have no children until I went to my sister in laws wedding 6 months before, where the kids from that wedding would've been at my wedding.

one kid on our table was picking his nose and wiping it in the table cloth. Another kid shit himself because he drank way too much orange juice. Other kids were doing knee slides on the dance floor when the couple were doing their first dance. The photographer tried to get them to move as they had cloud machines and wanted lovely pictures but the little darlings just carried on. They were wailing and shouting during the speeches and the only time one of the dads tried to do something, as he picked up the kid to take him out he went rigid and piercingly screamed the place down.

there were also kids picking some of the icing off the cake.

kids getting into the pick n' mix cart before it was even open.

I thought nah bollocks to that. I don't want that at my wedding. Had a fabulous child free wedding and every single person came.

kids are only so special to the parents. To others they can be annoying. Even to family members.

the children quite literally ruined the day for everyone (bride and grooms words too) i paid £38k for my wedding, I wasn't willing to take the risk.

On the basis that you want to be there

If the venue won't allow children you have little choice but to arrive that morning and leave that evening if you are feeding the baby yourself? The day will be tricky enough as it is.
The obvious solution would be to travel the night before with a local qualified sitter arriving at the venue for the wedding day and you all leave once dinner had finished or stay a second night funds permitting.
Finding nearby accommodation only really works if you can either bring a sitter you trusted enough to look after them offsite.

I would push it with the venue rather than take your sisters word for it - if the children are in a room upstairs somewhere or out and about with a nanny there's no logical reason to ban children. It's easy enough to bring a travel cot and a pop up high chair for the toddler. A six month old will barely be weaning so a pram will do there. Lots of high end places also have "cottages" which may give a bit more flex.

How will kids ever learn how to behave at weddings if they are never invited to any?

It depends on culture, Sikh weddings for example go on for a week of events (I’m Sikh). Each day/event needs a different outfit too.

I completely agree with you.

Just tell her you will attend her second wedding.. Your dc will be old enough to leave with a sitter by then.

The no children trend at wedding is increasing because parents don’t parent their children or teach them discipline. Not saying this is you. But, the amount of children starting school in nappies and increased and kids aren’t being taught to brush their teeth. Then, kids behaviour at school is awful. Lack of manners and respect.

Again, not saying this is you OP - but kids need to learn to behave at weddings otherwise they won’t be invited regardless if immediate family or not.

For THREE days?! no sorry i wouldn't go - your sister is being incredibly selfish (and yes, i guess its her day so she can be what she ways etc etc) but sorry - as a mum, i would not go and tell her why. Awful!!! they are such young children too and to demand THREE days!

Do you have any childcare options for your kids? Could your in laws have them for a day or overnight? That way you and your husband could go to the wedding. But I wouldn't be agreeing to staying the 3 days knowing the baby phase can be mental. My eldest I could have absolutely left a few days at the age with my parents but my second would have been tough going for everyone for more than a day, two max (mix of pnd and a baby who never slept so it was stressful for us both being away from each other). If I wanted to be there for my sister I would set my case out now that I will commit to one day only and if she makes a fuss then tell her she can't have it both ways