Sister's wedding and no children invited

I haven't read the replies, but your sister is not unreasonable for not wanting kids there and you're not unreasonable for not wanting to go.

However, your sister knows that you won't be able to Come so that's a shame. In my experience children aren't invited to weddings to avoid having dozens of children there. If the bride and groom say family children only this means you would be able to come and the place won't be swarming with kids.

Totally agree.

Although in this case it seems like the sister really can’t have it exactly how she wants.
She wants her sister as maid of honour, and presumably wants her present for the whole thing.
She also wants her sister to leave a 6 month old for her 3 day wedding.

She probably can’t have both those things.

Actually their behaviour is on them. Not us for inviting them.
Considering we had a very small intimate wedding, we do know who we invited. We can't be blamed for unusual shit behaviour of others 🙄

I wouldn't even be giving this much thought.

You've been invited to attend a wedding in which DC haven't been invited to which is fine, bride/groom's choice.

It's now for you to choose as to whether you attend or not.

"But I have to/must go it's family" wouldn't wash with me either. Your DC are no less their family than you are.

No one should dictate that you leave your DC, especially not for 3 days, inorder for you to attend an event of their choosing.

If it's a definite no that DC aren't to be there either you or your DSis are going to be upset by the decision you now make, but ultimately it should be what you want to do.

She has a husband who could look after his children if there’s no-one else.

It’s their choice whether to use that option but it’s there.

happened with my sisters wedding - i just left husband behind with kids and i went alone and had the best weekend ever childfree !

Well I wouldn’t leave my six month old for that long unless I absolutely had to, so I would decline the invitation. Will you be breastfeeding?

You shouldn’t consider trying to bully her into including your DC. She doesn’t want them there. All you can do is withdraw in a quiet and dignified way.

In that situation I would either stay at the venue on my own/with my husband and have the children cared for elsewhere or all stay elsewhere if you’d rather.

Your choices are:
Both go to the wedding and arrange childcare at home.

Both go and have a relative or friend travel with you and look after the kids.

Just you go and your husband stays with the kids at home/near the venue.

Don’t go.

Your sister changing her mind is not one of the reasonable options. It sounds like this would mean completely changing her venue to accommodate a toddler and a baby that isn’t born yet. It may not be your choice but it’s perfectly ok to have a child free wedding. Your children will not remember or particularly enjoy the day.

You deserve a much better extended family than the one you have, OP. On the other thread your mum seems very selfish and your sister and your mum on this thread are not coming across well.

There's no way I would be attending this wedding. You have a very young family and she's making it impossible to attend. You would be away from them for days even if you went alone - that's not in the children's best interests. Just wish them well but refuse to go. The fact she wants you as her MOH means nothing at all. She can want whatever she wants; it doesn't mean she'll get it.

It's your sister! I would go for the day of the wedding only and leave DC with husband. He is their parent too and should be able to look after them for 1 day. They can stay near by if needs be.

I think inviting children from immediate family is a reasonable approach but people are so funny about it. I have heard stories like that.
I am sorry for you OP, hopefully you will manage to attend and enjoy.
You could also suggest that your husband stays home with kids and misses the wedding, I think it is a reasonable thing. Would this work for you?
Can you husband partners to look after kids ?

Just email your sister and give your heartfelt regrets, that you can't attend because you don't have childcare, and really can't leave a 6 month old baby with someone that isn't a close family member for 2 days.

Tell her it breaks your heart that you can't see her get married, and that you love her very much and wish her a lovely wedding.

She's allowed to make her choice. And so are you. Your children come first.

She has made her choice. I think you resign as MoH and only go for the day. Realistically, you cannot leave a 6 month old for a whole weekend, and it wouldn't really be fair to your DH to have to look after both for so long anyway.

Your argument about weekends being precious is moot as you'll be on mat leave anyway.

The rules have been changed since you agreed though.

If it was me, I would not have wanted to leave a 6 month old for 3 days. I know I would have felt very uncomfortable.

Should you sister have children, she will look back and understand.

Yes but with respect if the kids weren't there in the first place it wouldn't have happened.

which is why I didn't have kids at mine and it worked out wonderfully.

I haven't voted, as I don't think it is unreasonable for any couple to have a child free wedding but I do think she is being ridiculous to expect you to be there for 3 days, without a baby and a toddler.

As you have such a small family, it seems even stranger for her to be arranging a wedding you clearly can't attend with your dh.

With respect. The kids didn't ruin the wedding. The parenting of their appalling parents did.

You chose who you invited, that’s on you. I never said adults can’t misbehave, I know who I’d invite and who I wouldn’t.

You can say no, sorry, I can't attend the wedding due to lack of childcare or being unwilling to leave the children (perfectly reasonable explanation).

Or you can go, but book yourself into accommodation nearby which welcomes children, and maybe take it in turns with your OH to look after the DC over the weekend. Again, perfectly reasonable, although more expensive for you.

Or maybe you can both go for the wedding ceremony/first day only, if you are happy enough for someone else to look after your DC during the day, then get back to them for the evening.

I wouldn't be happy/able to leave my young DC all weekend with no parent.

Often people have been watching celebrity weddings or royal weddings that are childfree, and miss that these people have had Nanny’s employed since their dcs were born, so have someone to do childcare all set up.

@BigSister1991youve got another thread running about your mum complaining about not seeing your DS enough but she won’t do childcare and is surprised you can’t dedicate every weekend to her.

You seem to have a family who are unrealistic about the balancing act of preschool years parenting.

It’s ok to say no. Your sister has put a barrier into your ability to attend her wedding. It’s ok to say you can’t find a way to make it work. She’s got a year to make different plans or get used to the idea you’ll only be there for a short part of the wedding.

But it’s true. (most) people only get married and have a wedding once. Why shouldn’t they be selfish and have it exactly the way they want it. It most certainly isn’t a day to pander to everyone else’s preferences.

That being said, you have to be happy for people to say they can’t come if you’re putting on restrictions like no kids.

We changed our mind last minute and allowed kids.

It was the adults who let us down. The kids were so well behaved!

Yup, exactly.

do you have anyone you trust to have the kids? 6 months is young especially if you’re breastfeeding.

If not then I’d stay nearby at a child friendly hotel and leave kids with dh and leave wedding early and tell dsis that this is as much as you can do. I would be upset tbh and it’s as much of a compromise as I’d make.

Please read my previous post about what the children did at my SILs wedding. None of that was on social media. She doesn't even have social media.