Sister's wedding and no children invited

/End Thread.

Dick move by your sister, and also your mother. At least Dsis has the excuse of ignorance!

This. ^ I knew someone would come up with that old chestnut. 🙄

I also wouldn’t leave my kids - at 6months I was still bf and still adjusting to being a bigger family. Plenty of people are happy leaving but it’s okay if you don’t want to.

Personally, I’d book accommodation as close as possible to the venue and go to as much as possible knowing DH and DCs were easy to pop back to. If you can rope in a relative or friend to help you and DH, I’d ask them to join too. I’d give your sister a heads up that you’ll be there for as much as you can but if your baby can’t be there, logistically you can’t be either. I’d say she can pick a different MOH if she feels this will affect her day. She may be upset or angry and that’s understandable. Child-free people don’t always understand what they’re asking when they don’t include very young kids and may not understand that you might choose to put your kids above everything else.

I’d cancel the venue accommodation and book a hotel nearby for you, DH and DC. Next day go to the ceremony on your own.

Just say you cannot attend.

Well he sure as hell can't breast feed ...

Not helpful for OP, and sorry your sister is being this way, but more generally on this topic.. Most British weddings these days are torturous. The expense means for your average couple the budget tends to be blown on the venue and the bride's dress, meanwhile food is awful or limited, and guests are tortured with hours of milling around with bad booze and no food. And children are largely excluded. Children are part of our family units and weddings are a special experience for them. It's a real shame we're so bah humbug about this as a culture. It's a fallacy that they'll ruin a wedding. We just got married and due to limited budget we did it in a pub so we could focus on family/friends, food, drink and music, with 25 children aged 4m -13yo + 75 adults. There were so many aspects we worried about re including so many kids (could they sit still for the ceremony, would they be bored/disruptive etc etc), but they were totally engaged and loved it - and all during a 33oC heatwave. All we did was provide little goodie bags, and get the dj set to start off with a 'kiddie rave' for 20 mins. Children are so naturally curious about adult occasions like this and they love being part of them, and with other children of different ages to play with. I think a lot of people would be surprised by actually what a pleasure it is, not just to accommodate them, but to actively include them. Also maybe if everyone did it more, children would have more opportunities to cultivate their ability to join in adult events like this. It's totally normal in tons of other cultures.

Well you can if you want to.

You can’t leave a 6month old for 3 days. Too young. It’s a no from me.

Hmmmm, yeah, I struggle with this a bit too, as I enjoy seeing children at weddings, but as I said (regarding my brother's wedding) some children are not well behaved, and can spoil a wedding! Our 4 cousins had some badly behaved children (4 ro 5 of them were little shits) and he knew they would very likely spoil the wedding. But it's odd to not want your nieces and nephews there - unless they are little demons! I doubt that is the case here though. Especially as one of the OP's children is still a little baby just a few months old.....

What I don't understand is the need to have a 3 day wedding, miles away (2 hours drive!) from where most of the family and friends live, adding multiple 100s of extra pounds to what people are already having to fork out. Some people will very likely have to use some holiday leave.

And then adding in 'by the way, your children aren't invited' is just top tier selfish, narcissistic, self-centred behaviour. The OP's sister is an idiot. Making her the maid of honour, knowing she has a 6 month old and a toddler. (And then saying 'but they're not allowed to come.') And the venue doesn't allow children overnight anyway, so the self centred sister wanted make absolutely sure that none could come!!!

What the fuck did the sister think the OP was going to to with her children? Put them in sodding boarding kennels? She's a selfish. thoughtless git, and doesn't deserve her sister (the OP) to be there.

Seriously, why the hell is the wedding 3 DAYS long?!

and the father can't cope with his own children for 3 days because...?

They ANBU to have a child free wedding but YANBU not to attend because of it.

All you can do is decline going to the wedding -MOH to your sister or not, presumably you didn’t know it was child free when you accepted the role. I personally would be uncomfortable leaving a 6 month old with a baby sitter I didn’t know really well - especially overnight! (and obviously that assumes you aren’t BF too). Tbh I’d even be uncomfortable leaving a 2.5 year old overnight but that’s just me 🤣

A compromise might be just to get a baby sitter for the ceremony day (since a 2 hour drive isn’t that far for a special occasion) and go back home in the evening, but not attend the other days. But if your family would still be annoyed you didn’t do the whole shebang anyway, then it’s not worth the stress of being away from your kids imo.

Have you missed that attending would involve being away for three days from a six months old baby and a two year old for? THREE DAYS?

It's not about anything revolving around the children. It's about the difficulty of adequate childcare being available for such very young children. It would be a very big ask for, say, OP's PILs/children's grandparents to care for them for three days, and a very very big ask for a mother of a six months old (who may be breastfeeding). Too big.

I'd be upset too

It's sad, but not unreasonable, for you her to have to kids - that's her choice.
No way I hell would I leave my kids with someone other than family. If I were you I'd go without my husband. He doesn't have to attend.
But not for 3 days, only to the wedding.
Unless you are breastfeeding, then you wouldn't be able to attend at all.

I think the reality is you can’t go for three days. I wouldn’t leave my 6mo for that long. Personally I’d drive up and do ceremony then head off home having left DH with the kids.

I’d say now, that you don’t think that logistically it’s going to work. Possibly if you stay off site and brought a babysitter with you and you and DH could duck in and out.

Very true but there is still a choice involved. Not a great one and not one the OP wants to take but it is up to her and her husband to solve it and not the bride.

Did she even know the OP was pregnant when the venue was booked because it sounds like pretty early on.

At a recent hen day, the bridesmaid popped out a couple of times to feed. Not ideal but she really wanted to be there.

It’s crappy to insist your children be invited.

Its not crappy to not have 3 days of childcare, or to not want to leave a 6 month old for that long.

I was still breastfeeding both of mine at that age. I don’t think it would have been crappy for me to say I wasn’t happy leaving them without their only source of food.

I’m guessing your dsis doesn’t have any dc.

She's rather thoughtless imo.

I wouldn't go.
Or if you feel all hell would break out if you didn't, I would only go for the wedding day and then go home, leaving your husband with the children while you attend.

Not if she is EBF…

I mean you could refuse to go.

It would be very crappy of you to do so but if you believe that your kids ought to be there as everyone should revolve around them 24-7, then we'll I guess that's what you have to do.

Any reasonable person would understand why the b and g don't want the big memory of their day to be your child announcing to all and sundry loudly that they've done a big poo in their pants mid ceremony.

Sorry, have I read this right - she expects you to leave your children for THREE DAYS?

That would be a hard no from me. I might drive up alone, attend the ceremony and meal and then drive back the same day; but, with children so small, I might decide on the day that it was best I don't (illness etc). But it would be best to just get that 'no' out there from the start.

To my mind, your sister has prioritised a venue over her family (and common sense). Your mother is an idiot for not pointing out the blindingly obvious to her.

Just say no - and mean it.

What at 2 and 6 months!! Some children can be really badly behaved at 2 or 3 and grow into wonderful adults. Behaviour at a young age is necessarily down to parenting.