Sister's wedding and no children invited

Well highlighted. Mum & sister are totally unreasonable. YANBU.

Be clear about what you cannot do (like you cannot leave a 6 month old for 3 days) and what you can afford.

Don’t waiver. Your sister is delusional & your mother is even worse.

Difficult to leave a 6 month old alone if you are breastfeeding.

Fuck that. It would be a hard NO from me. With kids that age you all come as a package or not at all. Your sister is being a complete twat.

@Aceofcups82 · Today 16:21

Not helpful for OP, and sorry your sister is being this way, but more generally on this topic.. Most British weddings these days are torturous. The expense means for your average couple the budget tends to be blown on the venue and the bride's dress, meanwhile food is awful or limited, and guests are tortured with hours of milling around with bad booze and no food. And children are largely excluded.

Exactly this. ^ DH and I have been to 2 such weddings in the last 3 years. 11-12 hours from start to finish, 60-80 miles away so had to find overnight accommodation, shit food, hours of milling around bored shitless, £9 for a glass of wine from the bar, (£8.50 for a pint of beer,) and 80% of the people we didn't know.

And we were put at a table with 8 people we didn't know. Found it hard to say no as it was close family members. I will be saying no next time though, because I found these 2 weddings stressful, tedious, and exhausting (as well as costing loads of £££!)

Absolutely, if the op hadn’t stated she felt very sad about the prospect of being away from her children suggesting that’s not what she would
want.

Your only sister and she is treating you and your family like this?

She can have a child free wedding but can't expect you and dh to manage everything. 3 days is a lot to expect anyone to manage.

I would take time off work that week to spend some time with the children then attend what parts of the wedding I could manage. Most likely I would try and get there for the 3 nights with dh joining for 1 night if we had childcare.

Not seen any 'can't' from OP? She's said she'd be sad to have to leave them for all that time, albeit there is one fairly obvious reason why it might not be possible to leave the baby.

I would be offended too. It does seem she’s delusional about your life after kids, perhaps hints at lack of joy in her niece/nephew or perhaps is silly enough to be worried about the new baby stealing her limelight.

I agree with the above post… but obviously go for a small part if you choose. Decide based on what’s best for you. It’s not your problem she only has one sister & few blood relatives.

Who would you even trust with a 6 month old baby. If you want I’d leave hubby home with the kids and drive up for ceremony & 1-2hrs of reception. Have a meal, hear a speech then quietly slip out and drive home. Tell her your choice as early as possible. It’s up to her if she wants to accept this or wants more & therefore makes accommodations.

Pull out she will either understand or not but she is allowed a child free wedding if that's what she wants

Leaving the children with their dad? For 3 DAYS?

I’d be leaving the children with their Dad, driving to the ceremony and then heading home.
Alternatively, make a weekend of it, stay in a self catering cottage nearby and drop in and out as far as child needs might allow.

Sorry it's a 3 day wedding?! And they expect you to leave your small children including a 6 month old baby at home?! Did I read that right?! That's crazy! I'd explain that I couldn't go.

There are a lot of mothers, mysef included, who just did not want to be separated from their baby for three days when they were 6 months old.

Can you answer why you can’t leave them with their dad?

If the OP is breastfeeding that will be your answer.

Fine to have a child free wedding.

Not find to expect you to attend a 3 day event without your children.

It’s absurd to think you’ll leave a six month old baby for 3 days or even the 2.5 year old really . Not everyone is cosortable leaving toddlers that long.

but I do think YABU to be sad about them not being there to participate. Weddings aren’t child focussed events IMO and small children don’t care about them,

but your mum and sister are being unreasonable to demand you arrange and pay for childcare for 3 days. Not least because it would cost a fortune.

id be telling them that uunder their rules, you alone can attend the ceremony only and DH will stay home with the children. If they get shitty, just shrug and ask what else are you supposed to do?! Childcare for 3 days isn’t an option.

If it’s a Michelin starred venue I can understand the No Children rule. As your baby will be so young and the wedding a 3 day celebration, I’d resign as MOH now. That will give her time to find someone else to go with.

I totally understand not wanting to be separated from a six month old but it is your sister’s wedding.

Can you answer why you can’t leave them with their dad?

It might be if the Dsis is willing to own the consequences of her choices. Alas, what happens when your wedding your choice meets it's an invitation not a summons has been the topic for many a thread on here!

I’m against child free weddings in principle, and would turn down child free invites from wider family. But I would try and accommodate close family I liked and loved.

Think about how you would best like to attend given the limitations caused by children not being welcome at the wedding or accommodation. There’s still a fair amount of choice. You could hire a nanny for the duration who keeps your children at home while you and DH attend (this seems to be your family’s expectation?) but that’s not something many mothers in the UK would be really comfortable with, for a 6 month old especially. You could rent child friendly accommodation near by for the nanny, or your DH to stay at looking after the children. Your DH could stay home and you could attend. You could drive up just for the wedding and wedding breakfast, maybe an hour or so of the reception and drive home again, either just you or you and DH while, say, your PiL look after the kids.

There’s a whole range of options, limited by breastfeeding considerations, money and babysitters you trust as well as how comfortable you are being away from your 6 month old. But there’s nothing inherently harmful in you leaving them for a few hours, or even a few days, if there is a loving, familiar caregiver available (DH or a grandparent, say). So you can build up that relationship for your DC to make it easier if that’s the way you want to go.

It sounds like you really want to be there and the important thing is to try and keep up friendliness with your DSis without jeopardizing your own family. In a few years time, if your sister has kids she might realise how badly she’s treating you, but at the moment she has no idea and she’s focused on her big day (which is probably feeling pretty overwhelming to her right now). Unless there is form for you always playing second fiddle, one instance of her being a Diva is not something to make a stand over, especially when it really is a very big occasion for her.

Personally I would decide what I was comfortable with that let me attend as much of the wedding as possible. My ideal would be to rent child friendly accommodation nearby for the duration and head up with DH, kids and a willing friend or in-law I trusted to babysit so DH and I could attend as much as possible. But the chances of being able to afford that and have a willing friend or in-law seems pretty low!

In any case I’d let my sister know what I cold manage. I wouldn’t offer it as a negotiation tactic, I would just say that it’s what works for me that doesn’t intrude into what she wants to do for her wedding and you’re sorry that you aren’t able to be more flexible now you have young children. If my plans didn’t involve me being there the whole time, I would offer to step down as MoH if she wanted but try to stay as supportive as possible.

How long has your sister been engaged for? When did she start planning the wedding?

By the sounds of it your children are still very young and small. Maybe one isn't even born yet. I don't know.

So I doubt your sisters preferences are personal to you and your family.

Do you have a babysitter?
A possible solution is to book an airb&b near the wedding/hotel and bring your children and have the babysitter help for a day. Or pay for a hotel room for the babysitter. It's just one solution if you want to explore that as a possibility.

spot on!

I don’t know about your DH, but mine has absolutely useless nipples.

And even if she isn’t breastfeeding, a lot of people just don’t want to leave their children that long. Which isn’t the bride’s issue. But she can’t insist that her sister does something she isn’t comfortable with.

"Dear sis. I can only come for the ceremony itself. I 'll be there between 2 and 5 while jim looks after the kids"

If she wants more of you she will change the plans. If not is fine .

i personally had a semi child free wedding the only 2 invited were the 2 flower girls aged 7&5.
reason? My friends 3 year old screamed the church down, my cousins friends child declared he needed a poo really loud over and over again.

My then 18 month old, walked up the aisle like a celebratory at my SIL wedding high fiving people. I was a bridesmaid, DH had asked auntie to hold him as he was trying to help hand out order of service and she let him follow him instead and then he kicked off when wedding was about to start and now DH nearly missed his sister getting married. I had told her not invite him after my child free wedding

Children especially as young as yours won’t follow rules, won’t be quite, won’t sit still. If you don’t feel comfortable the whole weekend could someone just watch them from the Saturday morning to the Sunday morning? In laws?