Sister's wedding and no children invited

You know some awfully behaved kids. The weddings with children I have been to have never been like that. And I am from an Asian culture where family is all invited. So I have been to many weddings with children and no kid has done what you describe.

Child-free weddings are so joyless. I just wouldn’t go.

Because it’s not possible. She wants her sister there but not her children, and that is not logistically possible. The bride is not going to have the wedding she wants (if her sister does not come or comes only for the ceremony)

This complicates things. Were you not part of the planning of the wedding? Isn't that normally what a MoH is involved in?

I think you need to sit down with your sister and explain the situation. On the one hand I can understand that people don't like having children at weddings, because weddings are boring for children, who can then become quite disruptive. However, this puts you, as her MoH, in an impossible position and you won't be able to attend all three days and your husband not all. If you are close to your sister, surely you can come to an agreement that will work for the both of you.

Because a 2 year old and a 6 month old who happen to be her very own niece and nephew are going to put a complete damper on her big day.

I would go to the ceremony and dinner but then leave. I would just explain to your sister that you can't/don't want to leave such a young baby for any longer so that's all you can commit to unfortunately.

Were you breastfeeding? If yes, it means your baby took a bottle and you were pumping. Even if that is the case, which is rare, surely you also know it would be a tremendous amount of work to pump enough breastmilk for 3 days and 3 nights and you would then also have to pump every 3 hours throughout the weekend to maintain your milk supply.

I know, I've done both breastfeeding and pumping and I would not do it for the sake of 3 days just because someone doesn't even want my children in the same hotel as the wedding.

And even if baby is formula fed, I would be mightily pissed off to be left for 3 nights with a toddler and a 6 month old. At most I would agree to 2 days (1 night).

Unless there was a significant family fallout, I cannot imagine how anybody could want to get married without having their nieces and nephews there. Weddings are such happy and emotional moments, how can you exclude your own family like that? I find it really weird.

The 6 months old would be too young but why are you so shocked at the thought? They’re not going to be missing a limb, it’s their (presumably capable) father.

Yes this. She can't expect you to do MOH duties and leave your 6 month old with someone else all weekend, that's completely unreasonable. There is plenty of time for her to adjust her expectations if you tell her now that this is the level of involvement you'll be able to have given the age of your children and her choice of venue.

Her expectations are totally unreasonable.

Why can't the bride have the wedding day they want?

This is unheard of amongst the majority of people I know because all family would be invited so you’d have to rely on outside care which for a 6 month old baby isn’t always possible. I think your mum and sister are incredibly selfish and totally bizarre to not have their grandchild/niece/nephew at the wedding.

If it wasn’t a close relative like this then it’s different. Say a friend, colleague or distant relative. I can understand why you wouldn’t lots and lots of children running around but this close is just wrong.

Call her bluff.

Decline to attend, withdraw from MOH duties and explain it’s because you don’t want to leave your kids for 3 days. I’ll bet she becomes more accommodating and if she doesn’t, when she has a 6 month old you can suggest she leaves it for 3 days at great expense to herself and see how she likes it.

I mean, if you’ll have a 6 months old by then, you won’t be working FT, I assume you’d be on maternity leave. With 2 little ones you might even look forward to the extended weekend. However if the baby is breastfeeding, the practicalities about leaving for 3 days are nightmarish.

She’s entitled to a childfree wedding and you’re entitled to say you can’t go. If she whines about it it’s on her.

I can understand the 2.5 yo
going to childcare elsewhere. I absolutely cannot understand 6 month old, like hell would I be going to a wedding without my baby (that small!!) I have 3 children 4years and under. I could be without the eldest two and they would be happy: the baby stays with me

Couldn’t disagree more with people who say children ruin a wedding and the cost etc… again this is a selfish attitude to take. If it’s close family like nieces and nephews, they aren’t optional extras- they are part of the family and weddings traditionally are about the bringing together of family. Extended family and friends completely understand excluding their children but close family it really isn’t on. Those with babies and toddlers it’s perfectly reasonable if they cry for the parents to take them out of the ceremony it’s not rocket science! My daughter loved her aunt and uncle and was excited about their wedding. They talked about it extensively in front of her, she got so excited. Then we found out via the invite that she wasn’t invited, tbh that was more upsetting than my disabled son as he wouldn’t have realised. She wanted to be part of their day, she wouldn’t have ruined it- there were plenty of options to allow her but those were denied. My brother even told me that under no circumstances was I to explain this to her, he would. He never did. The more I think about it the angrier I get and with hindsight I think I would have rejected the invite. But he’s my brother I tried to keep the peace even though the person who was hurt was my daughter.

again I know I’m projecting and your circumstances are different, you can’t leave your children for 3 days they are far too young and I know it’s your sister. I would definitely go for the day even stay over one night but that would be the absolute limit.

Your sister doesn’t want kids at her wedding of course that includes yours. I’m going to guess that despite being one of your few blood relations, you aren’t very close? Is that correct? I’d do what others have suggested, say DH can’t make it as he’s looking after the kids.

Definitely too much milling around at UK weddings.

There is obviously a massive wedding industry in the US, but my impression is that because they are more flexible on venue, it's easier to have a shorter wedding with the whole thing taking place in an evening.

Or maybe that is just TV.

Im all for child free weddings for a DAY, but an entire weekend is completely ridiculous.

In this situation I'd personally tell them you'd like to bring the children to the weekend, but you will hire a babysitter from the afternoon onwards on the day of the wedding so that part can be child free. Id also caveat it with the fact you might be breastfeeding still and will need to have the six month old there.

She clearly doesn't have children and realise what a huge sacrifice it would be.

She will likely be cringing at herself if she has kids of her own. But I also would not leave a 6 month old for any period of time. So do what is best for YOUR family

I think it’s fine to not invite children of friends or extended relatives but imo weddings are family occasions and nieces, nephews etc should ALWAYS be invited regardless of the presence of other children. How rude of your sister OP

Yikes - I’m sorry your sister is putting you in this position OP. Her expectations are totally unreasonable.

Is there a way you could go alone for the ceremony? Even that is a big ask if you’re breastfeeding - I wouldn’t have found this very fun or easy with my EBF 6 month old. Are you allowed to pump during the ceremony 😂

I would feel like my sister didn’t really care about my family, for the sake of an overblown wedding (3 days???) - which is sad.

Probably already suggested but...

Book your family into an Airbnb in local area and leave DH to wrangle kids there while you go to the wedding.
You will then be easily able to go back to your family and won't be away the whole time.

Consider asking DSis if your DH & kids can swing by to wish them congratulations on the Sunday (assuming it's a Saturday wedding) and possibly join in for lunch?

Your sister and mum's expectation that you leave a baby and toddler with goodness knows who to attend a 3 day wedding is ridiculous. It's disappointing that she has been so thoughtless.

Speak to her and say that either you all need to attend or that you come for the ceremony, leaving the children with your DH and then go home.

I don't have any problems with child free weddings but all the ones I have been too have always made exceptions for immediate family, i.e nieces and nephews and I would be really be put out and upset if my own sibling was excluding my children from a wedding, especially so young.

Three days will be eye watering in childcare and more importantly who would look after them for this long! Hopefully your sister will reconsider just inviting her niece and nephews.