Sister's wedding and no children invited

A others have said, she can do what she wants but I really do think this is hurtful and short sighted of her. Does she not see how difficult this is for you to navigate (both emotionally and also practically)?

Could you perhaps go for one night for the main wedding and bow out of the other festivities? Who would be looking after your kids during this time?

Bloody hell. Not a chance in hell would I have done that for my sibling. Either you want us all there or you don't. To expect you to drive 250 miles for some photos and then kicked out while everyone else celebrates? Fuck that!

In the same vein - OP I would say No in your shoes as well. It's your Sister who is setting ridiculous expectations, and you do not need to tip toe around her!

I would go without your husband and only for the day of the wedding. Either stay one night or stay sober and drive home. That way you've done your duty as her sister but you haven't gone the extra mile.

Fuck leaving your baby and toddler for three days. If she ever has children hopefully she'll understand why this is an unreasonable request.

OP has said that the hotel is child free too.

I’d just not do any of it. I wouldn’t be paying a penny towards this either.

Your DS isn’t bothered about family so why should you be bothered about her wedding?

If she loses money in the cost of your MOH outfit and room then that’s too bad.

(I’m done with bending over backwards to please others who don’t care a jot about me - can you tell? 😃)

Seriously, she has put you in a bad position and ultimately you have to choose your own young family over her.

Posted by OP at 15.03
"The venue won't have children overnight so that isn't an option (it is typically a child free venue - as it's normally a Michelin starred restaurant & hotel). "

If they did that, they'd have to leave right after the ceremony to drive the kids (and sitter) home as they would not be allowed by the hotel to stay. And they'd have paid for a hotel room just to use it during the ceremony?

in all honesty, How “disruptive” can a 2.5 year old really be?!

This. But make a day of it and find something nice to do in the area. So day trip with a side quest of watch a quick wedding ceremony and leave.

I'd take the kids and take turns in staying in the hotel with them and get a sitter just for the ceremony

Many years ago, when our two were the same ages as your children will be, we went down from Cumberland to Kent in our ancient tiny campervan so that DH could act as best man for his closest friend. I was left looking after the children because DH was so busy and in fact missed the vows because DD needed a feed. But there was no suggestion we shouldn't bring them, particularly since DD was being breastfed. A completely outrageous suggestion from your sister and her husband-to-be, IMO.

Another day - another child free wedding thread on Mumsnet. OP - your sister is allowed to choose a childfree wedding. You just need to decide if you want to still attend, for the whole thing or just part of it. Your sister will know there is a risk that you won’t attend and has still gone ahead with her plans

YABU it’s your sisters wedding, it’s her choice. You can decide whether you can attend, could your in laws care for the children whilst you attend the wedding, perhaps stay at a hotel? Total understandable to not want to be away from your very young family over 3 days. Do what’s right for you.

I’d go to the wedding itself, leave dh with kids in car or in a park or something and then I’d go home right after.

This or something similar would be how I'd manage it. A six month old is tricky to leave for long.

You need to get yourself a backbone.

Tell you sister it will not possible to leave your 6 month old for that long. Tell her plans sound lovely (sound genuinely impressed) and you are so sad to miss it some of it. But you will be there for the important parts, you will travel to the venue in the morning (or night before and take your own travel cot) for her wedding ceremony as you don't want to miss it, the children will come and be minded locally during the ceremony (if you can) so you can be available to nip out if they need you and you will leave after the meal to travel home.

Tell her you would love to still be her maid of honour for the ceremony but understand completely if she wants to have a different maid of honour who doesn't have as many children commitments as you do.

Set your boundaries firmly. You will not leave your child that long and she will need to work around you.

When my family did this I went to the ceremony itself while husband minded child - and then left. Pre booked accommodation or not I would stay elsewhere, attend for the minimum possible time and husband would not attend. I'd refuse being Moh, I'm afraid.

As the baby will only be six months and the wedding is over three days, it is unreasonable for her mum and her sister to insist that she attends and finds someone to babysit. OP is perfectly entitled to decline the invitation as her children come first.

Your sister doesn't have to invite children, not everyone is enamoured with them. But you don't have to leave yours for 3 days if you don't want to. Either say you're not going or try and figure out how you could go to a bit of it.

You could bring the kids to an Airbnb close to the wedding and pop out to the ceremony etc. Either for a day or all of it? If you can't get someone you trust them it'll have to be DH, which is a shame but at least you can be there.

There's wiggle room here, I don't know that anyone has to be offended.

dh stays home with the children
you go to the ceremony

explain why, don’t lose sleep over it.

What a silly thing to say. 'Children don't belong at weddings.' 🙄

They're within their right to do it of course but I think it's a bit tight of them to be honest. You're her sister and your children a really young. I imagine a lot of your suitable childcare options aren't unavailable because it's a family wedding. If it was me I would make the exception. I wouldn't feel comfortable paying a stranger to look after my 6 month old and 2.5 year old, I think they're too young.

I can see a lot of people are in support of the whole "their wedding, their choice" thing. Of course everyone is free to do what they want but your choices have consequences. I think this is really unsupportive of your sister and potentially damaging to your relationship. All I can think is that you don't have a good relationship with your sister as is and maybe there isn't much to lose.

I love my nephew but hes 19 months old, he doesn't give a shit if he's at my wedding or not and as much as I love him it doesnt matter to me if he sees me getting married or not, as again he's a baby. If he was a teen then it may be different.

No. You can go on the day, without the children, or for the whole thing with the children. You can’t leave a 6 month old for three days.

Three days aside (which i think is the unreasonable expectation here.) Im getting married for the second time. I don't want children at my wedding as its an adult focused party with lots of booze and I don't want kids running round. They take the attention of their parents and cause disruption, that's not the type of party we're going for. I won't be offended however if people decline. So far all my friends barr one have said they're happy its child free and cant wait to attend. The one that's struggling to attend has been reassured that its ok and that we understand if they can't manage it.

Children don't belong at weddings, especially toddlers and a 6 month old. You're being selfish to expect them to be allowed. In life, there are some places children can't go. Part of being an adult is knowing this and planning accordingly.