Sister's wedding and no children invited

I would not have spent a night away from my children at those ages. Other people feel differently, but for me it would have been a non-negotiable irrespective of any pressure from anyone else.

I would probably have booked family accommodation nearby, gone to the wedding by myself while my husband spent the day with the kids and then left around 9pm to go back to our hotel. But I was breastfeeding and we didn't use bottles so I would have wanted to be back with the baby for night feeds. We'd have had to try and get the baby onto bottles of expressed milk for the day I guess but I wouldn't have wanted to push it for a whole 24 hours.

My nephew had a child free wedding - his sister with 2 little ones turned up for the ceremony with her OH and DC standing outside. She left after the ceremony and didn’t speak to her brother for 20 years ( till after he got divorced !)

Yep.

If you are only pre booked I’d be cancelling and looking for a child friendly hotel near by. They can dictate no children but they can’t dictate where you stay. (Unless a remote island with only one hotel)

If this was my Sisters wedding, i would decline, mention that your child will only be 6 months at the time, could make it difficult for you.

Send a card & a gift of money!

Book a lovely weekend away with your Husband & Children.

Weddings are Boring now! Hundreds of Younger people, no Children, no Dancing, no one drinking a bit too much! relatives over 50!

They just want to take pictures of themselves and all there young friends, posting on Instagram!

They will have Children & get old eventually.
I cannot imagine other cultures, not inviting very young or older relatives?

my thoughts exactly x

this... I couldn't leave a six month old baby.. esp if BF. I once went to a wedding a good four hours drive away and stayed overnight. There was a sort of dance thing involved and it was absolute agony as I was full of milk and people bumped into me. Not only that it was hard being away from the baby.. and that was only one night (two full days).

I would not go. These aren’t random kids. She should be making an exception for them. Especially as your family is so small. If she treats them so distantly then absolutely fine to skip it. She doesn’t feel bad does she

Could you not bring a nanny or your DH parents for example to the place you are staying and they could look after the kids? You can then dip in/ out all day long. I did this at a wedding and it worked really well as I was BF, best of both worlds. You just need to be really organised with the timings of things.

I was really worried about the day but it was actually brilliant and I could have a little time to myself and could see my baby any time I wanted.

This of course, may not be an option for everyone so just putting it out there.

I would try and find a holiday let/air bnb close to the hotel, talk to your in-laws nicely and I'd attend the wedding itself. But any more than that? not a cat in hell's.

Your sister is being a bitch. And your Mum is clearly enabling it.

This is tricky because you're maid of honour. It's not unreasonable to have a child free wedding (complaining that there won't be photos of your children at someone else's wedding is daft imo... it's not your event). I think it's quite a big ask expect any to attend a wedding that lasts 3 days without their small children though. And since you're maid of honour, they obviously expect you to rsvp 'yes'.

I wouldn't leave my 2.5 year old for three days with anyone other than my DH, and I wouldn't have left either of my children overnight at 6 months with anyone (they were still breastfeeding overnight at that point so I couldn't have even if I'd wanted to).

If you want to go, could you stay nearby and leave them with your DH during the daytime? Otherwise you're going to have to speak to your sister and let her it's not workable for you to attend (leave all the hurt feelings about your children not being invited out of it though, unless you're prepared for a huge bust up).

I remember thinking before kids how easy it would be to 'get a babysitter', and have a weekend away... but as soon as you consider things like breastfeeding, 100% attention required, experience, trauma for the child of being apart, nappy changing, feeding, everything!!!

I feel like society is becoming to anti-children, this would never happen in Italy or Spain, children are such a big part of marriage!

They can expect but you can also say no. When you agreed to be MOH you were not in possession of the facts, you now are.

I get people have a right to choose a child free wedding but it’s the suck it up and deal with it attitude that pisses me off. I was pressured into this don’t rock the boat thing at my last wedding, I wouldn’t have rocked the boat but I was given an ultimatum before I even read the invite. At the time I had a TI parent who just wanted to make the parents of the bride happy so I kept quiet accepted and regretted it as I’d have much preferred being at home with my children in the end. Turns out the grooms side of the family were not happy at all as they had never had a child free wedding in their family ( neither had we), the speeches had lots of unsubtle digs from the grooms side.

You don’t have to make a fuss just say no, had you known it would be 3 days at a non child friendly venue then you would have said no from the outset. if it was just one day I may suck it up, but 3 no!

I’d go for the day of the wedding and maybe stay that evening if you have reliable childcare, then go home the following morning. I wouldn’t do the whole three days and if they sulk about it that’s their issue.
I’m all for a child-free wedding, but it does mean you have to expect that people (even very close family) may not be able to make it, or the whole celebration.

We were always happy to leave ours even overnight but we wouldn’t be doing this. It would be a sorry but we won’t be at the wedding and I won’t be MOH as we are a family and we come together. They have deliberately chosen a venue to exclude you and yours so I would be not attending.

"Children don't belong at weddings, especially toddlers and a 6 month old."

Toddlers and babies were welcome at mine.

Did you read the OP all the way to the end?

I do tend to stick to “it’s their wedding, it’s their rules” mantra, even if I don’t agree which it, I don’t say anything.

however, with this being your only sister, and for such a long thing, plus a 6 month old?? I mean I couldn’t have gone to a singular day wedding without any of my 3 at 6 months as they all still were breastfeeding and refusing bottles.

I think I would say to her you absolutely would love to be there to celebrate her wedding, and you are honoured to asked to be maid of honour. However. If she can’t change the no-kids rule for you then the most you’ll be able to manage is driving up in the day to arrive in time to get changed, then will need to drive back post wedding breakfast (or whatever time you think you can stay until). And that your husband will need to stay home with the kids.

stand firm in the not being able to come for 3 days if she’s sticking to no kids. You are not then asking her to change it. Not letting her know the consequences for you if she doesn’t adapt to your at all.

Whatever happens I hope you & she have a lovely day.

Right, fine, but the bride is expecting both the OP and her husband to attend for the full shebang.

It might not even be possible for them to find someone willing to babysit a 6 month old baby and a 2.5 year old from Friday to Sunday. If they don't have a family member on her husband's side or a friend who is willing to do it, I would be surprised if you could actually find a reputable babysitter who would accept a job like that. And even if you could, God only knows how much it would cost.

And that's quite apart from the fact that a 6 month old is likely to be completely traumatised being separated from his or her mother and father for several days. Not to mention the impact on breastfeeding if that is what the OP chooses to do.

If you don't want kids at your wedding, fine, you do you. But you cannot demand that the parents of a baby and toddler both attend your three day wedding without their children. You just cannot. It doesn't matter whether one of them is your sister. If you wanted your sister at your wedding that badly you wouldn't impose conditions making it impossible for her to attend.

Well, you either go or you don’t. I’m sure she’ll understand if you don’t.

I think weddings are vastly better for not having any children present. Why not go and leave them with your husband?

I would be very hurt at that op ☹️

I'm all for the couple being able to choose how they want their wedding to go, and the invitees can then choose whether to attend. No children is a legitimate choice - I'd go to a local wedding of a close friend or cousin or something without DCs your ages, but would decline a 2hr away 3 day affair for the same people and wouldn't expect any drama, that's just life. But a breezy decline with best wishes is impossible for a sister...

I don't know what I'd do if pushed, but I would be talking to my sister very seriously over this and making sure she knew the position she's putting you in. And the implication that she doesn't consider her own nieces and nephews as family, and how much that hurts.

You are not actually required for the full 3 days op. I think I'd find a way to travel for the day and ceremony, but that would be as far as I'd compromise here. Pre-booked rooms can go to waste if need be.

Good luck working through this. I'm sorry this is how it's turned out for your family. x

I simply wouldn’t go.

Im a gypsy and when I read threads like this it fascinates me because our weddings are not child free. Family and friends are a big thing in my culture, so we don’t exclude anyone. We are very much “it takes a village” so everyone is invited.

It would be a no from me.

I’ve been to plenty of child free weddings and able to sort child care out for the day but 3 days without your 6 month old is not a reasonable ask…

I have a 7 month old and a 3 year old and I wouldn’t leave them both for 3 days for anybody's wedding. My 7 month old wakes every few hours (what baby sitter wants to take that on for 3 days) and my 3 year old would be really emotional too. My sister wouldn’t ask this but personally at most I’d be saying I’d come for 24 hours and only if I felt comfortable leaving them overnight at the time.

It’s your immediate close family. They are part of your lives and will hopefully be forever. It’s so precious to exclude them. It’s completely alien to my idea of family and weddings.

Of course people are free to do as they want and I’m sure child-free weddings will increase in frequency as social media continues to expand and people become more and more self-obsessed.

nah, i'd be sacking that off.

My sibling got married 3 weeks after i gave birth, and their partner has never forgiven me for not going....