Sister's wedding and no children invited

Agreed, what on earth does this have to do with the topic 😂

The OP's sister and mother also expect her husband to attend, and for them to get a babysitter for the whole weekend.

I think you have posted this on the wrong thread.

?

My brother was exactly the same when he got married . The wedding was a full weekend, 3 hour drive from home. The hotel and venue were not child friendly and he and my sil didn’t want any family children to attend.

In the end we ended up staying at a different hotel and paid for a close friend to stay for the weekend with us. The children joined in with activities the day before and after the wedding but on the day of the wedding they went out with our friend. Not much we could do otherwise, other than my dh not attend.

I fully understand why you would be upset about all of this, I was too but worked a way around it all. Hopefully you can figure something out!

OP says Dsis expects her and DH to leave the DC for the wedding, and she says this would require her to be away from them for 2 days. She also says she's pre booked in childfree accommodation.

Fine to have a childfree wedding but you have to accept some people won't make it due to childcare issues or not wanting to leave babies.

No chance I would leave a 6 month old and 2.5 year old for 3 days. That's crazy. I expect she'll be embarrassed when she has her own baby and realises what she expected from you.

Do you think its simply a move to exclude you from the wedding?

Your sister is being unreasonable making you (her sister) choose between missing her wedding or spending time away from your very young children. I can understand limiting children attending or not having plus ones especially for financial reasons, but in my opinion weddings are family affairs and I can't understand why a bride or groom wouldn't want their neices and nephews present or choose an inclusive venue.

Lol, there's no way I could have left my 6 month old for three days! Nor even 24 hours, DC was exclusively breastfed, wouldn't accept a bottle and even if they had, my boobs would have exploding. I'm astonished your mother thinks it's reasonable.

DH and I just left our child overnight for the first time and they're four. There's no one I could have asked at those young ages to cover three days.

I'd either go without DH (if formula feeding, and you want to, and probably only as a daytrip), or book a hotel right at the venue and tag team babysitting.

Who said she (MOH)has to leave her children for 3 days? They can be nearby with DH while the MOH is at the wedding, MOH can pop in and out as needed....It logistically IS possible. I did it when mine were 2.5 and 6m 😂 (as bridesmaid, not MOH).

It's not the MOH day, she doesn't get to dictate that her children must attend.

I know child free weddings are the trend but personally I think it's very sad when nieces and nephews aren't included in weddings.
You can bet your bottom dollar that when this couple have a child themselves it will be like the second coming of the messiah!
It's actually a horrible, a quite selfish, postion to put your sibling in.
I would explain to your sister that leaving your baby and toddler for 3 days just isn't feasible.
If you aren't BF then I would go by myself for the wedding day i only so probably 2 nights away and leave DH to look after the DC.

I wouldn’t be leaving my 6 month old baby for that amount of time - the logistics are just too much especially if you are breastfeeding. I had to go on my sister’s hen when I had a 9 month old and it took me so long to pump enough milk for the whole weekend. Then spent half the weekend on my own pumping as well. And I missed him terribly and he was so unsettled all weekend and got very distressed at night.

Hopefully there is a compromise to be found.

Fine to have a child free wedding of course. Could you make it there and back in a day?

I had the same sort of wedding. It was a long time ago and my parents took control and dictated everything, including having the reception at some naff old social club and inviting all sorts of random children, knowing that I was not keen on children in general and we were planning in staying childfree.

inhated every minute and bitterly regret letting my wishes be trampled over. The children were loud, annoying and took over the dance floor. The club was cheap and nasty and the food basic buffet crap. My husband and I left early because it was just so miserable.

im long divorced and as I’m niw at the invisible age I’ll never have the chance to have the wedding I wanted then, and which I’d still choose today which is a more elegant and adult affair with no children, not even nieces and nephews of any age. I can’t say it ruined my life, but 30 years later it’s something I think back on and wish it had been different.

I say now to any couple getting married to have the day they want. It’s nit selfish, not narcissistic, not all of the insults, but it is about them and not the sister, nieces/nephews/parents/randoms. I’ve a,so found that that outside this site these kids of conversations tend to be simpler with parent saying sorry no childcare and bride/groom saying ok. But then, that doesn’t allow for all the insults against brides and/or childfree people. Btw we do understand about the difficulties, we just don’t see why it should affect our events.

Discuss it with your sister (you do still talk? - see below), maybe there is a friend/family member who can travel with you and babysit during the event? My sister had exactly this - my brother arranged for his MiL to look after their children so that he could attend the wedding, my other sister took offence, didn't attend the wedding, and the family is traumatised and has never spoken ever since.

I would just not go. If she really doesn't want your six month old (who may still be primarily eating/drinking breast milk), she isn't bothered about you not being there.

3 days is too much for a baby to be left with babysitters, even close family. I would explain this to sister. Explain you could maybe stretch to the main part of 1 day but would not be able to attend the whole thing.

Could you possibly book a child friendly hotel (even something like a premier inn or travel lodge have cots, high chairs ect) or a BNB nearby? That way kids and husband could stop local and you could pop in and out. I would do the ceremony and maybe the meal after only and you could pop out between ceremony and meal to see kids/ husband.

Alternatively, could you speak very nicely to DH's parents/ siblings and see if they would be willing to come and help? Same again, book them into a local child friendly hotel and you or DH pop back between ceremony and meal. Perhaps whilst the photos are happening.

At our wedding, BIL and SIL had 3 children under 3 and we offered an extra +2 to SIL to bring a family member along to help her on the day (BIL was best man so couldn't help her much), she brought her sister and mum. They also rented a local hotel room for her mum and sister (we offered to pay half) and her sister and mum took the kids with them after the ceremony and main family photos (asked photographer to do us and DH family first) to the local park down the road whilst the rest of the photos happened, then back for meal, then after the meal they went with sister and mum back to the hotel for the evening do.

It’s terrible to say you’ll only contribute to your child’s wedding if you get to dictate the guest list.

Good ol" MN double standards again
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5373671-stag-do-4-nights-abroad-4-month-old-baby?page=1

Personally I wouldn’t go. She’s made it impossible for you to be her maid of honour. If it was closer to home or the venue could accommodate a baby or even if it was just one day, you could go but she’s put zero consideration into enabling you to attend, so don’t.

I don't understand why people have child free weddings if they have niblings. Not only do you have to go, but she is insisting that you stay overnight away from them? I would stay in another hotel, leave hubby to look after them, and nip back to see them. If she wanted more from you, then she shouldn't have excluded your kids.

Fuck that noise. I wouldn’t leave my cat for 3 days to go to a wedding. How arrogant of people assuming that anyone would spend the time and the money to watch them getting married