Sister's wedding and no children invited

If this were my sister this would be my response:
Hi Sis
Thanks for wedding invite which I am sorry to be declining.
Unfortunately it is not possible to find childcare for the period of your wedding. AND if I’m honest I really do not wish to leave my little ones for this period of time.
I hope you’ll understand and I wish you a very happy wedding day.
x x x x

Dont be silly- the OPs kids are not the only kids not invited. The sister clearly had a blanket rule for everyone.
Kids absolutely cost money per head (as they did at my wedding), in some venues they are the same cost as an adult per head.

I agree - there should be more accepting in both sides.

I think the issue is that it often isn't that parents of young children can't come, it's the flouncing about it that's the aggravating part

The children aren't going to cost. Breastmilk and a babyfood pouch for the baby, pasta for the other child. It's nothing in the scheme of a wedding.

I agree: its too long to leave a (probably still breastfed) baby.

Get a babysitter for the ceremony and drive 2 hours there, two hours back. The other days I'd skip.

Weddings that drag out forever are a total bore anyway.

This is ridiculous. Bride is OP’s sister but OP is bride’s sister - where’s the consideration for her??

I’d be regretfully (genuinely regretful) declining this invitation

The only way you could be there for the 3 days is if you aren't planning to be bfing the 6 month old and if either DH or in-laws will take care of the children either at home or local to the wedding.

If this isn't an option then you will have to talk to your DSIS and explain that much as you want to be her MoH, it won't be possible for you to be there for the full 3 days without your DC. And explain what you would be able to do (eg you drive up alone the Saturday morning and return the Saturday evening leaving DH with the DC). If she's not happy with that then you would have to offer to stand down from being MoH.

It sounds as though she can't make an exception without changing the venue. The consequence of the venue choice is that her nieces/nephews and potentially sister can't be at her wedding.

Maybe she hasn't thought that through. Or maybe she has. Sorry OP, it is hurtful.

Babies don’t cost anything to host. If the sister cared about OP she wouldn’t make it impossible for her to attend. It’s not at all selfish not to go to the wedding. The selfish one is the sister.

Wow, it bewilders me how selfish some people are on these posts. It’s her sisters wedding, it’s her day! Unfortunately weddings are expensive so if you are tight and prefer to enjoy your cats then you do you!

Of course you don’t have to sign up to 3 days, this can be skimmed back.

Lots of selfish posts on here saying “don’t go to the wedding!”.

The OP has failed to provide additional information like perhaps her sister could have gone through some fertility struggles which is often the reason for these wedding requests. Or perhaps her sister has a budget to stick to and this is a way to keep it down, children cost per head too!

People need to get off their high horses! The OP can just have someone help her look after the kids at the venue accommodation or nearby, it’s not that complicated.

My sister pulled this (which is her choice to make) when I had a fully nursing baby, three hours minimum from home. I just didn't go and put it in the too hard basket. It's her choice to have no children. We respected that so stayed away as we had no childcare available who weren't also at the wedding.

In your place, OP, I'd book alternative accommodation that is child friendly and attend the wedding and reception only, with DH minding the children elsewhere. Or, just not go. Due to the costs involved at the time of doing that, I'd probably have not gone and stepped down as MOH.

Wow. My brother and his wife are what I’d call child avoidant but even they tolerated my then 18 month old at their wedding 5 hours from my home. The more I read about modern weddings and the expectations upon guests the happier I am that I seem to be past the attending weddings stage of my life.

First response on this pretty much nails it.

Not unreasonable to not want children at your wedding.

Not unreasonable to say you can’t make the wedding due to childcare.

this 👆

Fuck you too. Sorry if I don’t want to spend time and money on a three day party for someone else’s wedding.

I don’t know why this isn’t very obvious to people. You can bring children to your accommodation nearby or on site- bring someone to look after them and you can dip
in/ out to BF / see them etc.
And your DH can take them in the evening as well, it’s your sisters wedding so you can stay on, although I’d imagine you may not want to at this point if your kids have been busy all day.

I have done this loads of times while BF my babies and I found it straightforward to organise.

You sound like fun!

IMO these type of posts never cease to amaze me in that yes the bride and groom are entitled to request no children at their wedding, but in turn they must accept it when those guests with DC, for whatever reason, can't/don't want to attend.

Maybe the OP doesn't want to attend without her DC, let alone without her DH.
Why would she want to attend on her own?

It's always expected that the quest bend over backwards to come up with a solution in order to accommodate the wishes of others when they may not be able or even want to.

Remember when she says that other women would do it to say calmly most brides who loved someone would welcome their small baby so they can be at their wedding. Every single person I know would.

I’d find it sad to have a wedding without my nieces/nephews, and I do not understand your sister. She is, of course, entitled to make her own decisions about her wedding day … But you are entitled to make your own decisions too. Try to think through all of the scenarios, and the possible outcomes. Would it work to go just for the day? Would you be ok leaving your toddler with family - then maybe your husband could stay in hotelroom with baby during the ceremony and you could swap later (he could go for drinks, you for dinner?) Would it be best not to go at all? Could you go alone - would you be willing to leave esp baby with your husband, for 1/2/3 nights? Would hiring a nanny practically work? (Can you afford this? Would it even work with a breast or bottle fed baby?) These are of course just a few options. Discuss them with your husband, make decisions on what would work and what wouldn’t. Then ask sister to talk. Present her with the options that work for you, and explain the consequences to her. Try to stay calm, you can be honest and even say you don’t understand her choice, but are willing to try and make it work. But some scenarios will mean, you won’t be there for all of the 3 days, not even as maid of honour, and neither will your husband. Make her see that if (for example) you will be breastfeeding, you can only come for half a day, or that your husband must stay with your toddler, so can’t be there at all. Explain you don’t want to be difficult, but these are the options, and those are the consequences. It’s then up to her to change her mind or not. I’d be so sad if I were you, but I’d try to show her that I was willing to make it work but that realistically: it wasn’t really going to work. (Personally, I’d come for the ceremony and then go home, and would ask to make someone else MoH. I would have been sad but ok with leaving the toddler if possible, but would never have left my 6 months old.) Maybe she’ll reconsider, and maybe she won’t … which will have consequences for all involved … I wish you lots of good luck trying to sort this out, op!

Sorry i know her wedding her rules etc but i find it abhorrent she hasnt invited her niece and nephew, and that shes put you in this position.

I wouldnt be going. Not a chance.

I think in this situation, I'd find close accommodation for your family of 4, and go for the day of the wedding and just you attend, husband stay at the accommodation with the children and you stay with them if sleeping there. There's not a single event or person that I would ever consider leaving a 6 month old overnight for, let alone for 3 days. She can have a child free wedding but she can't expect you to leave your children that long.

“Daniel, do you take Sophie to be your - “

”WAAAAAAAAAAH!”

It’s a once-in-a-lifetime event with no second takes, and I don’t blame her for not wanting babies/toddlers there. Having said that, it was bad form to ask you to be MOH before telling you that your children weren’t invited, and if you can’t come to the wedding because of that, well, that’s the way it is.

Nope, fuck that, I wouldn’t be sorting and paying for childcare for such young children to cover a three day party. You can’t even have them in the hotel while your husband looks after them, that’s a joke. I’d decline the invitation!

I know this isn’t a popular opinion on here but I think it’s shitty not to invite children of very close family to your wedding. I’m sorry OP - I don’t have any advice but I would be very upset too.

Why would you even want to attend, knowing the invitation was a result of blackmail?