Should my child have learnt what I refer to as essential life skills at school?

I think it’s really difficult as a parent you create a lovely nurturing environment where there’s no hitting or swearing and lots of conversations about positive decision making.

Then they go to school where some of the little darlings do hit and swear with just the odd missed break or restorative chat as consequence. Then if your child can’t cope they lack resilience when they’ve really not encountered the situation before.

My eldest struggled he’s very rules based. His younger siblings haven’t had issues as they are quite bolshy / squabbly with each other which I suspect is part of growing up up in a bigger family.

I do think school is quite unfair in that rules are applied unequally. I think it’s really objectionable to a child’s intrinsic sense of fairness.

I do think it’s really up to oarents to teach these life skills but it’s up to school to create a safe, nurturing environment.

I tell you why you can only do so much.

Because you pride yourself in being a good parent, they get on brilliantly at primary school, do their homework, have very good attendance, get great reports, make lots of friends and are happy. Then secondary school comes along and fucks it all over. All bets are off.

Oh Mumsnet. 😂Thread after thread of teacher-bashing and now teachers are supposed to be teaching 'resilience and emotional intelligence' as well?!

No, OP, this is not the job of the schools, it's yours. It's called parenting. You're the parent, why can you 'only do so much'?

Exactly. Secondary school taught DD2 to be constantly afraid. How can kids develop resilience when they are frightened every day and home feels safer? Naturally then they don't want to go.

It's not because there are no boundaries or discipline at home, it's because at home there are not 1500 kids going down the same corridors at once or 15 different classroom locations to remember, someone picking on you and firing questions when you haven't listening properly because there is disruption in the class, or making you carry a massively heavy bag or wear uncomfortable clothing, or calling you names in the corridor.

It's way too much of a jump from primary school. Stop doing this to them. there needs to be a completely different system.

Resilience comes from kindness and fairness and rules being evenly and predictably applied, not from throwing kids to the wolves at 11 and expecting them to get on with it. When a good 20 to 25% will fail in one way or another and the others do well in spite of it not because of it.

You know the first 4 years of their lives are spent with you? 1 Teacher spends 9 months a year with your child and then they move on to a new adult. Plus along with your one child there are another 20 odd children for us to monitor. So no, there is no duty from us. There is building on what you do and how you raise your child.

Our responsbility as parents, however there is a lot of pressure from the government/schools for children to be able to do things before children are developmentally ready and that in itself causes a lot of issues which is why the Childrens Wellbeing and Schools Bill is so bad for kids as it removes a large amount of parental choice and autonomy.

This in spades. Resilience, self-esteem, etc all start very young.
Even though schools deal with these topics, by the time high school starts, kids are already in behaviour patterns.

No a school doesn't care about your child past getting them through the curriculum. Those things should be taught by you in the home

Parents have 4-5 years to set the foundations in motion before children start school.
Some of it will come by default in school life- particularly dealing with peers that is harder to do in the same way from home, or even from extra curriculars.

But it can't all be done by school. Parents have to take responsibility. Parents have the emotional connection advantage over schools (or should have anyway!)

That's why the motto of every school should be 'Discipline is what other people's children need'.

You can’t teach emotional intelligence. You either have it or you don’t.

Tbf you can't teach critical thinking as it is first order knowledge. We learn on the job as it were - and critical thinking beyond 'that's a bloody big mammoth, better run in the opposite direction pronto' relies heavily on secondary order knowledge, which is the stuff schools teach.
Up to parents to explain about the mammoth and that knowing something about a subject is what allows you to think about it.
Thus: My thoughts on the special theory of relativity, for example, are not worth the 2p coin I could write them on. However, my thoughts on Richard III are well-honed to my knowledge of medieval history and esp. the Wars of the Roses. That of which I cannot speak I must perforce be silent on.

School is for academic skills. Naturally children will learn social skills also because they're forced into a group of near strangers from various backgrounds.

Your job as a parent is to teach them emotional resilience, the importance of individuality, the fact that everyone has something to offer the world and you should never deliberately hurt or be cruel to other humans or animals. How to express themselves in a way that's appropriate.

Why should schools do more than they do already?

Surely you care more about your kid than someone who's paid a frankly insulting wage to look after them plus another thirty kids, all with different needs.

like resilience and emotional intelligence?

Basic parenting, I'd have thought.

Schools probably do try to foster the things in DC, but will likely do it differently than parents will.

I don't think those are things which can be taught as such. They are skills which we develop as a result of natural brain maturation and our own life experiences. I also think to develop both resilience and emotional maturity a certain degree of support/secure base needs to be there. How can you be resilient if you're constantly afraid?

Schools AND parents should be facilitating and supporting these things.

surely the education system has more to offer than what I can see and have experienced with my child

I think you need to elaborate on what that is? I have no idea what to make of most of your post.

Resilience and emotional intelligence should be taught by parents. Each child needs customized instruction.

Our experience is that school attempts to enter into this area just end up being victim blaming and biased in favor of certain personalities.

Schools have their hands tied when it comes to behaviour management. Exclusions are discouraged, PRU places in short supply and waits for assessment are so long that schools clearly bide their time until it’s someone else’s responsibility.

It means that all the kids are failed and unchecked behaviour risks society paying the price later

Cool. I’m at work too. Will answer later.

If a school tries to encourage rather than 'teach', resilience I would guarantee that this site and others would be full of moaners complaining that their dear 12 year old, for example, is too young to do A, B or C. Schools see children at their current age, too many parents still see that little cute bundle from 12 years ago! Why on earth do parents meeting their child from school carry all their stuff and, funnier still, take them a 'snack'? One thing a lot of parents manage to teach is anxiety.

Yes, but are you a parent or a teacher? 😄

Does your dd take a business type qualification for GCSEs ? Core maths (a qualification for 16+) has questions where you calculate tax and NI.

This is how our school works. Perhaps because it's a church school.

I don’t think it’s up to schools and if it were, they’d be facing complaints from parents who disagree on the importance of it and how it was implemented. If you have kids in the school system or read the education threads on here then you’d know that there are a minority of loud but unreasonable parents. For example I’ve read many posts where a parent has asked if school should reimburse for lost sweatshirts and coats all the way through to school was unreasonable to break up a fight and “put hands on” their 15 year old son who tried to beat another boy with his friends. Put hand on was pushing them out of the room that the victim was trapped in !!

Ideally both could work together but we live in a world where parents call the school and say that their child will not do detentions.

This is already happening in many schools. I work in a school where PSHE and life skills is consciously inter-woven into every subject in the curriculum. We do a lot of work with all children around critical thinking, problem solving, understanding and regulating their own emotions, developing their resilience through secure relationships, being kind to themselves and others and taking responsibility for the impact of their actions on others. Unfortunately, in some cases all that work is undone the second kids walk offsite as they come from homes where there are no boundaries, they are shielded from ever having to experience any kind of discomfort or disappointment and they have been raised to believe that the world will just bend to their will.

It has nothing to do with parenting responsibility, and everything to do with educating the next generation of adults. Turning young people into well rounded individuals who will go out and do well in the world is as much the role of schools as it is of parents. This Victorian notion that schools only focus on book smarts excludes a whole bunch of children for whom that is not their path. On the one hand we have older generations who lament what schools are being asked to teach kids, and on the other we have employers complaining kids are coming out of schools with no knowledge of the world of work.

I explained the complexity of income tax to my daughter at the weekend because I got a letter from the tax office. She’s 16 and although she understood the premise of tax, she didn’t understand the nuts and bolts of how it worked. She said it would be great if they taught kids that in schools as many wouldn’t have parents who could (or thought to) explain it. Learning personal finance is really important but we don’t teach it in schools.

Teaching and reinforcing interpersonal and life skills in the context of education is just as important in schools, otherwise parents have no back up.