Should my child have learnt what I refer to as essential life skills at school?

I have a 26 and 16 yo who went to medium sized primary and secondary and my/their experience was more aligned to @Circe7

None of the year 5/6 laughed at the less able children, quite the opposite, it was uplifting to see how well everyone was supported. Cheered for the winners, commiserated with those who didn't do as well as they hoped, and bigger cheers for those who didn't quit or got up and carried on after a fall. Mine were before any sort of class whatsapp groups so I have no experience with that.

Both my kids respected their teachers. A telling off wasn't being 'targeted'. They abided by the school rules or faced the consequences.

A bit of both? I mean, you're talking like these are skills that are "taught" as such, like you would expect reading or maths to be. Critical thinking, resilience, emotional intelligence... These are all skills that we're all developing throughout our lifetime, learning them from every person we come into contact with and every situation we find ourselves in, parents and school included.

Either you have a very young child, you're in a very small school or you're very naive.

Sports day doesn't teach a lot of kids anything apart from that they hate sport and hate having to do it in front of the whole school and all their parents. DS is dyspraxic and sports day beyond the infants was hell for him - in yr 5/6 he was expected to do a skipping race. He didn't mind coming last in things, he just didn't want to make a complete and utter fool of himself by tripping over the rope and going flying in front of a crowd of kids that by 10/11 are judging and laughing - even if the teacher will tell them off for it. He also really didn't want to be discussed in the (apparently) pretty mean class whatsapp group that he wasn't part of.

There is no teaching of resilience in this situation, kids can be very cruel and being put through that doesn't teach you resilience it just damages your self esteem. Schools really can't teach resilience beyond the very early years because class sizes are far too big, there are far too many variables that they don't have control over - and because there is no respect for teachers. Getting told off doesn't make a child realise how wrong they are and leave the other child feeling vindicated, it often just makes things even worse for the child being targeted.

To build resilience you need much more in depth individual support than a teacher can ever give. Teachers can help a little of course but you really need a lot of time and support at home providing a secure base and open communication. At school you're more likely to learn shutting down, comfort eating, vaping, social isolating, self harm, self loathing or using alcohol and drugs as coping strategies. Secondary school can be a bear pit.

Yes, I've only ever worked in state schools, but that is also what all the staff work on.
Perhaps some state schools are firefighting behaviour and complex problems to devote enough time to this.
Most do a fantastic job, though.

My child's private prep school place a real emphasis on life skills like resilience, emotional intelligence and responsible decision-making. It’s not just academic, they use things like project work, drama, sport and outdoor activities to build confidence and character. Teachers are expected to step in when issues arise (e.g. bullying or poor behaviour), and they often take a restorative approach rather than ignoring things. Critical thinking is encouraged, and there’s a strong focus on kindness and reflection. I definitely feel it’s a shared effort between school and home, but the school takes its role seriously.

In contrast, friends with children in the state sector often tell me there's less consistency, some schools do this really well, while others seem stretched and more focused on behaviour management or curriculum pressures. I do think it depends heavily on the individual school and its leadership. At my child's school, it feels like life skills are built into the culture, whereas in some state schools it can feel more like an add-on, if there’s time.

I think if YOU think it's someone else's responsibility to teach YOUR children all these essential life skills, then you shouldn't have had children.

You wanted children but you didn't actually want to parent them is what I'm reading... selfish

Should my child have learnt what I refer to as essential life skills at school?

No, your child should have learned to read and write at school, along with other academic subjects.

You teach them 'essential life skills'. That's your job as a parent.

I see what you mean, I missed it earlier. I'm sorry your DD went through that.

Do you work in a school now so you can compare?

As someone who grew up on a council estate in the 80s I could t disagree more

Not just the curriculum.. lessons for eg on money/finance needed but I agree resilience can’t be taught in a lesson.

Blimey. What do you think your responsibility as a parent actually is?

This ⬆️. It's always in place in school; keep trying, it doesn't matter if you make a mistake, don't give up, take your turn, listen when others talk, etc etc. every day.
Your parenting should include this. Working on self reliance and emotional intelligence

You writing some sort of article or thesis, OP?

Absolutely education is/ought to be all about critical thinking. However, I think the OP’s post is a coded message in relation to their child (?) being bullied at school and feels the teachers are ignoring the situation. The simple answer to that is yes, of course bullying behaviour should be addressed and consequences applied. Being bullied has life long impacts. @SunriseSunsetFullMoon if this is your child, don’t ask rhetorical questions, ensure your child is safe at school.

Our school has done a lot of work on the 5 Rs of effective learning. This includes resilience etc. However, this doesn’t seem to be supported by parents so what’s the point?

Its a joint effort, with more emphases on the home as they are at home longer each year, and for all thier formative years.

Hpsever i do think schools do teach resilience in the context of the school setting.

I had to look up emotional intelligence and I do think schools do a lot of work supporting that to develop too.

I see lots of evidence of both happening,
But I think like all things school, they have lots of children and not much time so its challenging.

emotional intelligence and resilience might be touched upon in school (class management) but it’s a family thing. A teacher would have no knowledge of what is in your resistance toolbox; health of family members, financial buffers, extended family support, past experiences.

I think it's shocking how little responsibility some people in this country take of their children's upbringing. I cannot believe this is even a question.

Of course its your responsibility.

Just how much are we expecting of teachers? So they're supposed to teach them to read, write, teaching them to brush their teeth is supposed to be a new thing coming in, and now, emotional intelligence!! ...because them managing a class of 34 mostly poor parented children isn't enough, let's get them brushing their teeth, and understanding their emotions too...Next year maybe we will get them cooking the families tea too!

Rubbish
emotional intelligence
emotional resilience
emotion regulation
are ALL skills that can be taught / coached / developed

what u think all the school pastoral staff do ?
Cahms staff ?
counselling staff ?

these skills are the backbone of being able to survive / thrive in the world,
and often when kids haven’t developed these skills, services are trying to plug the gaps

All children are taught critical thinking. It is called maths.

See my earlier post.

God, how rude.

In other words

"I don't have time for you minions right now, provide me with some reading material immediately, and I'll read it when I'm good and ready".

Plus you’ve got the thorny issue of children with SN in the classroom requiring different goals and learning techniques when it comes to that kind of instruction because keeping emotions calm rather than allowing frustration in order to build resilience could quickly turn into something cruel.

I’ve seen posts on here saying that sex ed in primary school is overstepping - it would not go down well with some parents who are probably the ones who can’t cope without safe spaces and trigger warnings.

Do you mean in terms of school performance, or personal qualities such as the ones OP apparently expects the schools to teach? (Genuine question.)