Partner won’t put me on deeds to the house

i agree with him, it’s his house. While you are caring for your child it’s him paying all the bills. Go back to work and save up your own money. I wouldn’t anyone on my house deeds that hadn’t paid.

also, why don't you claim child benefit?

He would have to pay an extra tax on it but you can still claim the payment. Why on earth haven't you done that? No offence but you seem financially completely illiterate. Maybe see if you can get help from some charity or so with getting some things in place. This is all madness on so many levels. Do you have friends or family who are a bit more aware and can help you to start sorting things out?

https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-tax-charge

This is also hugely important.

Honestly @HannahXsanderson i think you need to seek some legal advice to find out exactly where you stand. A solicitor will be able to reassure you this isnt ok and also tell you what things would look like if you split.

Honestly he’s not your partner. Don’t have any more kids with him, and I’d be saying ‘if you do not either put me on the deeds of the house and/or get married, this is over.
to be honest you’re on the cusp of financial abuse- if you stay and you continue to accept this exploitive situation, you will end up being financially abused.

The fact you’ve even posted this not sure of the answer is worrying- of course this isn’t normal. This is why you get married before having a baby and preferably to someone who is in your team because otherwise you are basically being exploited.

Working in paid employment or at home, you are working and your contribution is valid. many here will simply tell you to go back to work- that won’t solve your problem because your problem is your shit of a partner who doesn’t in equality or his legal obligations to you and his child as a grown man and father.

The problem with your partner not willing to pay the tax on Child Benefit and put the CB in your name is that you are not going to get any pension.

Not working and not claiming child benefit for the past 2 years = no stamp/payments being paid for the last 2 years towards your state pension.

Alter the numbers to reflect how many years you aren’t planning to work or claim child benefit accordingly.

As I wrote earlier
he isn’t going to support or contribute to you going back to work
he will just say we agreed for you to stay at home so no childcare cost

if you want to change that deal then you can but it’s down to your to pay and organise childcare and haven’t do any drop offs / pick ups

So what’s the answer? He can do this at any time. Hopefully she has some family around that she could go and stay with in the interim.

Regardless, she needs to start preparing for this.

I wouldn’t let someone on the deeds of a house I owned before they came along , especially if they aren’t financially contributing. I had a mortgage with my then partner but when we upsized I was no longer working as pregnant and the house went into his name - we had something drawn up by a solicitor in terms of how much I’d put into the first house etc, I also ensured my name went on the deeds - but then we got married anyway.

It doesn’t have to be @Soontobe60 but it’s more often the woman in that position than the man. That’s why the constraint cries of ‘what about the menz - women get advised differently’ is not that relevant in my view.

She doesn't need to tell him until she secures the job
If he isn't happy about this, at least she will have an income secured and only 1 child to worry about rather than adding children to the already precarious situation. If he kicks her out at that point she can also claim CMS, which I would think would be a decent amount towards child care if his earnings take him over the child benefit threshold
She is already risking homelessness by being with a man that has all the financial control
Would you suggest she stays financially vulnerable until he decides that he wants to end the relationship anyway?

He's an arsehole. Go back to work and get ready to be a single parent and make sure your contraception is absolutely watertight.

Have you actually read @HannahXsanderson's posts? How are they equals?
This thread isn't about you.

He's an arsehole. Go back to work and get ready to be a single parent and make sure your contraception is absolutely watertight.

He is not looking after his family. He is looking after himself

he he is manoeuvring his partner into a terrible vulnerable state and showing no signs of acknowledging that and adding the protection his partner needs - including marriage

Exactly, I would be done. Everyone saying ‘go back to work’ is missing the point, they chose to have a SAHP and he is able to support that lifestyle so it’s his responsibility to finance the situation. You’re still equals and I wouldn’t be living with someone that didn’t treat me as such.

I would say that the reason for the outcry if a man wanted to be added to her house deeds, it would be due to the fact it's almost always the woman who ends up with the kids following a break up and having to reduce working hours and therefore income to raise the children. So she will generally need the protection far more than the man even if her assets are worth more. Also maternity leave usually knocks a woman's income temporarily but also ongoing as the break in career usually means she is likely to progress in that career slower than her male partner.
I have more in assets and income than my partner, I wouldn't marry him for this reason. I would be happy for him to keep his current assets and work towards some joint investments/savings going forward so he would also feel protected in the event of a break up. But I wouldn't risk losing half of my assets

Great idea.

She tells him she’s going to get a job (which he doesn’t want her to do), he’ll need to pay for half of the nursery fees (that he doesn’t want the child to go to so won’t pay) and that he’ll have to start doing half the housework (which he won’t be interested in).

He then tells her that the relationship is over and she can move out asap.

He’s not a good man.

Why would you run the risk of being made homeless?

Yes you can. He just needs to pay it back via taxes.
This man sounds financially abusive. He doesn't see you as an equal, tries to force you not to work and then complains that you are not contributing financially. He doesn't want you to have any security, He does not have your best interests at heart. Why do you want to stay with him? You keep stating what he wants but what about you, what do you want?

OP, I’m so sorry.

I guess you thought you’d met your life partner but it’s becoming apparent that he doesn’t have the character to be the partner you need.

It should be a no-brainer to get married (few hundred quid if needed), or put you on the title deeds or change his will/insurance policies. These things are zero cost to him (apart from admin costs etc) and wouldn’t impact him at all. They would, however, offer you protection which he isn’t willing to do. All of these things could potentially impact him were you to split and that’s what he’s thinking about. He’s had a child with you but he’s protecting himself for when you split. He’s not thinking about being with you or supporting your child long term, he’s protecting his position when things go wrong ergo he’s not fully committed to you or your child.

He might change if you point this out to him. He may not. If he’s not willing to do some really simple things then he’s basically saying he’s not fussed if you’re together. Are you willing to accept that?

It is totally normal to expect the man you have a child with actually loves and supports you. When that same man tells you not to work to concentrate on bringing up your child, he should without question financially support you while you do it OR be willing to take on his fair share of childcare, household duties and family life. You don’t get to prevent the mother of your child from working and then complain she isn’t contributing anything. That is total bullshit and unfortunately seems to be way too common.

You never go into relationships thinking the man you’ve chosen is rubbish. I didn’t. Thankfully we’re married but I’m still facing a divorce at some point in my future with no career (gave that up to look after DC while he concentrated on his fab Big Job) and absolutely none of the wonderful life plans we had made. My future has been taken away from me without discussion as he sees me as a friend rather than a wife. Didn’t occur to him to mention it prior to announcing he wasn’t sure if he wanted a divorce. I never thought I’d have to check how shit a husband/dad he would be as I took it for granted that anyone wanting to get married would actually know what it involved 🤷🏻‍♀️

SORT OUT THE CHILD BENEFIT!!!!

This can be an argument when men bear children. And why the hell should MN not defend the interests of women. It's still a man's world.There are a million sites to defend the interests of men.

He is looking after his family (you and the child). He wants the best for the child until they start school. Your contribution is caring for your child, partner and looking after the family home and all out of wedlock?

If this is the bulk of your point, then I would suggest you consider your options.

Can you utilise this time to do higher education (away learning)? Are you able to start a business on the side as to grow your own personal wealth as well? If the answer to the above is no and no, then lets hope his intention is to get married to give you security.

He sounds like an old school man who wants to care for his family and even if things went bad he would ensure you and the child is cared for.

Majority of relationships end bc of the woman (actual statistical fact) and he sounds switched on therefore I would strongly suggest you focus on the below until he ask for your hand in marriage.

• improving your education
• starting a business
• building wealth

It’s probably his parents advising him not to put you on the mortgage as well.

You should work out how much you are saving by not sending your child to nursery now and show him.

Do you still want to be with him after this anyway? He will forever have a financial hold over you ? You won’t have any property in your name etc.

This is MN, things rarely work both ways! If a man were demanding to be put on the deeds of a woman's house, imagine the outcry.

Try re-reading the PP 'unless you jointly own all major assets', 'if you have no assets.' The PP was making no such assumptions. Anyway not applicable to the OP who IS in a precarious situation.

But what about your pension? You need to claim it anyway as you’re leaving yourself very vulnerable.

I would get a job asap. He can sort childcare/ pay for it- it shouldn’t come out of your earnings. If he insists it comes out of your earnings then you may as well move out and split up as you would be better off financially without him, due to the benefits you would be entitled to.

Something is very wrong when you would be in a better position financially without your partner. You’ve spent all your safety net savings in order to support him and the child you have together, but accepted his complete refusal to support you.