Partner won’t put me on deeds to the house

Im a bit on the fence with this...its a 5 year relationship which op has admitted is rocky....there is no way in hell i would add someone to the deeds of my house in those circumstances.

Personally, I would not have a child with a man who won't marry me, and then give up all my financial independence.

Personally, I also would not put someone on the deeds of my house, that I bought before the relationship, and then who made no financial contribution to our lives.

However, he can't then dictate that you are not allowed to go back to work until your child is 3.

Once he is dead, what does he care? At least his child should be the benefactor of the will and life insurance policy. Even if he doesn't want you to benefit for some reason.

He sounds like a controlling tool. Don't have any more kids with him until he marries you. You don't need a big fancy ceremony, just a certificate. If he won't do this, this year, then you need an exit strategy.

This. You are raising his child. Do not have another child with this pig.

Then she needs to be leaving and claiming CMS. This is the time to stand up to her horrible partner. And clearly, make sure that contraception is watertight.

Get yourself back to work @HannahXsanderson and start building some savings to buy your own property.

Did you give your DC your name? I would get your name added if you did not.

I think your only leverage currently is saying that you won't move.

I agree with all of this except the ‘split childcare costs’. We all know, based on what the OP said, that she’ll be expected to cover 100% of the childcare costs while covering half the bills.

Oh dear. You've given up work with no property in your name and no safety-net of marriage or a civil partnership. That was a mad thing to do. Sit him down for a chat, tell him you're going back to work as soon as possible and that half the childcare is for him to pay, and he'll have to cover half of the last minute days off work because child is ill, nursery pickup and dropoff etc. Or of course that he could show his commitment to you as a family by rapidly getting married/having a civil partnership, in which case your return to work could be more gradual. But get back to work for your future security as this man isn't a keeper. Never make yourself this vulnerable again @HannahXsanderson

It does sound as if you are financially vulnerable. Here’s my interpretation of your situation:

You are unmarried, so have no rights should you split up.
You have no independent income, as you are looking after the toddler.
You have been using up your savings to ‘cover’ your time at home with said toddler.
You have no assets of your own.

Based on the above, this isn’t a partnership. A partnership recognises contributions of all kinds, including your contribution: providing unpaid childcare, sacrificing your career, supporting him to continue his career and build up his pension, raising his child.

What have you had to use your savings for? If covering your ‘half’ of the bills, I think this is unfair on you.

You’re not working. If a mortgage is required the decision will be out of your hands anyway, most likely (although not always).

I’m married and the bank still wanted to go through my statements despite my husband earning a high wage and the LTV ratio being low.

Also, just because he doesn’t want you to work doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. You’re not married, you should not have left employment as you have no protection, as well as no right to remain in the property AT ALL.

I mean the horse has bolted. You are in a poor financial position...

I wouldn't be having another child unless I was married

for now I would be looking to get back in work FT ASAP.
he can "not like it" but he either needs to give you financial security as you can be sahm or you need to get it yourself ie paid employment.
He cant eat his cake and have it.

Make sure childcare costs are split proportional to net take home pay and when you go FT make sure you over pay into your pension (you should put in at least half your age as a percentage eg 15% at 30)

You will need this security as right now you have no claim on / right to anything beyond cms if it goes tits up

he said absolutely not because I’m not financially contributing.

You are totally contributing! You know how much are you both saving by not sending your child to childcare before 3 years old? I'm sure you are cleaning, cooking and organising day to day tasks/life.

Your partner is a scumbag, he wants free cleaner, free childcare, free sex and then after few years he will kick you out and you'll have nothing, you'll be homeless.. tell him or you are on the deeds or you break up.

so you

• live in his house
• dont Work
• entirely financially dependent on him
• aren't married
• and he wants more children?

youre taking all the risks here. Go back to work, stop being so dependent on him. I'd say get married as that legal contract would be the best protection but I expect you'll never actually buy that bigger house and get married as he says. He's a future faker

you need to put yourself and your child first because he certainly won't

I wouldn't put anyone on the deeds of a house I bought.

Too late now but that is why you should consider marriage before children if you want the financial protection that time off to have children brings. I would go back to work ensuring that he contributes to his child's childcare costs to ensure you make yourself financially independent and secure.

YABU for having got into this situation.

You’re not married and don’t have high personal wealth so a break from full time work wasn’t sensible.

His behaviour seems clear that retaining his personal assets and money is his priority. He also sounds sexist. For me, without immediate marriage and change of attitudes, the relationship would be over.